Thoughts on Motherhood

So basically being a Mom is the best thing in the world. Although at this point my life is fairly uneventful...feed, burp, change, cradle...over and over all day long...but I really don't want anything else. :)
I have been listening to sermons online while I nurse and they've been focused on 2 Corinthians...and talking about relationships... what it looks like to love people, love Christ, and how to help one another do both more. And it's cool because I am in a place right now where I really see what God wants from me. He wants me to focus on this child He's given me....by loving him, praying for him... and nurturing him. There have been times in my life when I really felt unsure of what God wanted from me...or maybe I knew, but I was running from it anyway...and for once I not only know what He wants, but I feel peace and excitement about it! It's such a joyful time for me right now. I feel so proud to be a Mom....so thankful...it's really what I have wanted for so long.
And Ben is so cute! He makes the cutest little faces ever! So yeah, life is good. :)

Home Sweet Home

We got to come home yesterday! Hurray! It's been so great to be in my own space. Even though we are extremely sleep deprived (like all new parents!) I am feeling better already. I hope to take a nap in the next 10 minutes!
Thank you so much for your prayers! And continue as we wait to see how his heart is doing and the actually test results from his bloodwork done the first day in the hosptial.
Ben is the most amazing child ever! He is eating more and more and is awake much more to look around. David is so amazing with him...if only you could see!
We'll keep you updated.

a good blog

So read David's blog because it expresses so beautifully our story.
www.bentley81.blogspot.com

Pictures of Ben

So things are well. We are in the pediatric unit of the hospital....they are monitoring his heart over the weekend. He'll have another echocardiogram on Monday...so you can be praying for that. They are waiting to see if some things develop properly in his heart. It could be a fairly big issue, or it could be something that takes care of itself. I will obviously update accordingly. He's doing really well otherwise...nursing,going to the bathroom, and being loved by many! :) He's in his daddy's arms...the best place!

I have a son!

I am proud to tell you about our new member of the family, Bentley John. He was born August 14 at 9:50 AM, weighing 7lbs. 7oz. and 18 1/2 inches long. He has beautiful blonde hair (and blue eyes- like all babies!). He is so sweet.
I had been having contractions for about a week (nothing like what the real labor contractions are though!) And I went to the doctor on Wednesday and I was 4 cm and 100% effaced- which meant I could've technically been admitted if I had wanted to labor in the hospital- which I didn't. So I finished painting the bedroom, put the house back together, ran all over Ann Arbor doing errands, and then we went to Chris and Nikomi's for dinner. We came home, took about 3 mile walk and went to bed. I was still having the BH contractions- but fell asleep just fine (a sure sign you are not in labor!)
Around 1 AM I woke up with pain and couldn't fall asleep. I took a shower, and started breathing through the contractions. About 2, I had a bowl of cheerios, at 3 I woke David up and knew I was in labor- but still sort of in denial because I thought I had been in labor a week ago! I spent a lot of time in Bentley's room- I think pushing through the pain was much easier in his space because I could look at all of his things and imagine him in there....motivation to keep laboring!
Around 5ish I wanted to go in the hospital- David thought we should wait a little longer- so we debated...finally calling the doctor. I was still only 5 minutes apart- so the doc said I was probably only 4-5 cm, but I could come in if I wanted.
We took our time packing bags (well, at this point I was in a fair amount of pain- the nice thing is it really hurts during the contraction- but if you can make it through, the break is pain free!)
We drove in, went to triage, they determined I was about 7 CM! It took forever for them to do all the annoying tests they say are necessary and I was not in the mood to be poked when I was trying so hard to focus on my breathing.
Finally, we got settled in our room around 6:30. Then I got right in the jacuzzi tub- that was nice! The first doc I talked to was leaving, so when Dr. O'Conner came on at 7 she stopped in...I was still 7 CM and Bentley was occipit posterior (his face was towards my belly instead of my back- so the back of his head was rubbing my tail bone...makes for a really tough labor and a tough naturally deliver). So I was disappointed. So I did the big ball thing- trying to roll through the contractions... the doc came in around 7:30, and I was STILL 7 cm, and Ben was still posterior....so the words like pitocin and meds and all the things I didn't want were discussed...So they said we could keep trying for him to turn. Then they set up this huge bean bag on the bed and I laid with my belly in that....what a lifesaver! By this point I was begging for drugs (David wouldn't let me give in thought- what a great husband!) and it hurt soooo bad. So then I was upset because I was pushing without trying and I know you aren't supposed to because it can cause your cervix to swell and then baby will have a harder time coming out... and then I was throwing up among other labor symptoms, I will spare you the details. :) So the nurse said they should check me...which I didn't want because I didn't want to be disappointed when I was still at 7CM. Finally she convinced me back on the bed and I was 10 CM and baby was in the right position!!!!!! That was the best hour of my life!
So Dr. O'Conner came in and I pushed for an hour and he was born! They put him on my tummy and I watched him squirm...and the pain from birth went away almost instantly which was so nice.
The cord was wrapped around his neck and he was blue...so they took him to NICU to give him oxygen.
So then about an hour later the neonatalogist came in with David to tell me that they were pretty sure Ben has down syndrome....we had known there was like a less than 2% chance...but the odds were unlikely...so it wasn't a complete shock...but I was still a little numb.
I finally got him back 2 hours after delivery and was able to spend the rest of the day with him. He is so beautiful. David and I really see how God has been preparing us for Bentley....we have been talking a lot about DS babies with friends and how they do so well now that there is support and unending research about them. Even the night before he was born at Chris and Nikomi's house we were talking about how they are so sweet and how it's so sad so many people terminate pregnancy because of the diagnosis. We just love him...obviously, since he is our son!
He is doing well nursing and is just the sweetest thing to look at. Currently he is having an echocardiogram to look at his heart to make sure he doesn't have any defects (some DS children do)...so we will know the results tomorrow. And officially Bentley hasn't been diagnosed with DS...the blood work results will be in early next week.
David is the most amazing father... it is amazing to see your husband hold your child with such love, compassion, and grace. I can't explain to you what it feels like.
So, we are a beautiful family of 3. I am so thankful I had such an amazing birth experience, I have a healthy beautiful son, and an amazing husband who is so patient and so kind.
So thanks for your prayers and words of encouragement.
And I have beautiful pictures to post when I get home!

the ultimate test of patience

So I am full term and just waiting for labor to start so we can have our baby! It's been a fairly frustrating week. I have had Braxton Hicks contractions all week... Yesterday I thought we might be getting into the real thing...they were 5 minutes apart, then 3 for several hours and then nothing. So yeah, it's a very disappointing experience. As David would say, the good news is that we are going to have a baby...at some point. :) It's harder when the false contractions start because it gets my hopes up that the time might be here...and then when they die down I am left feeling stupid (that I thought it might actually be time) and depressed (because it's not).

I have been praying about my frustrations as I anxiously wait...but the sin in me allows little room for peace. I continue to let my mind wonder into other thoughts and hopes rather than sitting in peace. This is something I really struggle with... not allowing myself to think about things that bring on anxiety...and resting in a peace.

So if you all could just pray for us right now as we wait for Baby... for inner peace, patience, and letting go of trying to have things happen in my timing....
Thanks. :)

Happy Birthday, David!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE!!!!

So we had a fun day celebrating David's birthday. For lunch he got a 1/2 dozen bagels at Zingerman's, which were delicious. Then we went downtown Ann Arbor and ate dinner at the Real Seafood Company, and then had ice cream at Stucchi's....all of which were free or on a massive discount. I love birthdays!!!! So to celebrate his last birthday before baby comes we went all out! Enjoy the pictures!


I ordered Paella Valenciana. It was great. I learned how to eat both crab and lobster...yeah, haven't done that before! It was great! And I wore a bib!


David ordered some huge fish thing...you can see the eye! The server took out the bones for him in front of us, it was cool.






Then for dessert, he ordered Crème brûlée....which was AMAZING!!!!










And Stucchi's gives you a free ice cream on your birthday.... so we couldn't pass it up!!!!!

Finally.....

Here are the pictures from our great trip!!!! I had to do something this morning other than what I SHOULD be doing....(cleaning...) So enjoy!

Home Again!

So we had a great time up at Mackinac Island and then at the cottage. :) I will post a slideshow of pictures...eventually! For now, I will post this one of David and me. :) Tonight is my baby shower and I am soooo excited...so that's all for now!!!

ON VACATION!!!!

So David's family arrived this evening and we are all headed out of town for about 10 days...hip hip hooray! First, up to Mackinaw Island to celebrate his paternal grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary and then on to the cottage for a week of relaxation and fun, fun, fun. :) So I won't be writing here or anywhere as I won't have internet access for 10 days!!! I love that. I love being free from all things electronic. :)
It wouldn't be an official, "We're going to the cottage post" if I didn't put up some pictures of the beauty we're about to enter into. :)


A view of the cottage from the lake. The humble, yet, welcoming, peaceful place we love to go. :)


Jane, David, and me on the boat....too bad you're in Europe, traveling every amazing country, Jane!

David having fun on the inner tube!

Me, skiing. :) I guess there won't be any of that this year...bummer because I was just learning to drop a ski and go on one at the end of last summer.... there's always next year. :)

YUMMY!!!! MICHIGAN CHERRIES! Luckily the cherry festival is happening again while we're up there!

And here are some pics of Mackinaw Island...not mine...just for fun.

The island....

And the famous bridge that my dad biked over...he's got a story about that! I should ask him again.

Amazing, famous, homemade fudge anyone?

No cars are allowed on the island...so it's back to horse and buggy!!!!

Is it a boy or is it a girl???

So the great thing about not knowing if I am having a boy or a girl, is that everyone else thinks they know! So I get to hear predictions of my baby's gender fairly regularly. Because I have so much fun listening...I will give you some of the more fun predictions just because I don't have much more to blog about!

*** A friend of mine, felt my belly, looked at the way I am carrying and said, "You're definitely having a boy."

*** The nurse at the doctor's office was listening to the baby's heartbeat with the doplar and said, "Your baby's heart rate is lower (139) so you must be having a boy!"

*** Today at the UofM dental school the dental instructor asked if I knew what I was having and then when she realized I didn't know said, "Do you want to know?" Sure.... so she had me get out of the chair...felt my belly looked at how I am carrying, had me turn around and said, "You're having a girl!"

***When I called my mom to tell her I was pregnant she was picking up a Happy Meal at McDonald's for herself and they asked, "Is it for a boy or a girl?" And she said, " A girl!" Then the phone rang and it was me with the news! She isn't saying she thinks I am having a girl...she just thinks it's kinda funny. :)

Then of course all our friends love to say what they think I am having just because they have a feeling...

So yeah, it's fun to have predictions because surprises are fun and we all want to take a guess! So if you want to reply with a guess as to a Baby Bentley or a Baby Elizabeth...go right ahead, I have a great time with the guesses!

It sure is going to be fun when baby makes the debut!
Oh and for now I have named the in utero baby, "Little Foot" because I keep getting these little feet poking through my stomach!!

Some pics from our special retreat up north

So I held a 3 week old baby in our labor class today...and can I just say August doesn't seem like it's coming fast enough!

A Happy Anniversary....

Today is our 3rd anniversary! And David called from Haiti!!!!! So I am on cloud 9!
I am so thankful for my husband and I love him. :)
A toast...though we are far far apart...I've never felt closer and more in love. You're an amazing man and I love you very very much!

a great visit with my mom...

So my mom had a great time together. I really enjoyed having her here. Here are some pictures of her visit...not many of the two of us... I am not really in the picture taking mood at this point. :) Also, I took some pictures of flowers at the Arboretum. We had a great time there! So enjoy.

Camping at the Pinery on the shores of Lake Huron

So we had an amazing time camping last weekend. The weather was incredible. Sunny, blue skies, warm...everything you could want! I had no idea what to expect...but Lake Huron is soooo cool! It looks like an ocean! We went with 10 other people. So here are some of the pictures from our trip!

So we went to see KT Tunstall perform last weekend in Ann Arbor with friends. It was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. She is an incredible singer and guitar player!!! So if any of you ever get a chance to see her.... you must go! Here's an acoustic mix of one of her songs...although when she's with her whole band it is quite incredible too.

a thought about material possessions

So it's garage sale season in Michigan, and I have been wondering around looking for baby things. I don't usually buy much (for a variety of reasons), but I enjoy looking and talking to the sellers.
It's also a season of giving. Many are cleaning out their homes and giving things away to the various charities or to whoever wants it.
So a friend was cleaning out his place and has some extra tv's, clothes, and other stuff. And he told us he is giving it away to the poor. A nice thing to do of course...don't get me wrong.

So as I was getting ready I started thinking.... why do we have this mentality that the poor want our trash? We think we are doing them a favor. And in some ways we are. I love getting used stuff. But it's not about me getting a rich person's trash. It's really about the way we think about it. Sometimes we give things away because we know someone needs it, and sometimes we give it away because we don't want it. And the poor people must be able to use it, right?

So then I started thinking. What if everything I bought, I bought two of. I buy a nice shirt...and another one. I buy a car...and another one. And the second I give away to someone in need.

I guess the idea is that I am not more deserving of something because I can afford it. And also it would eliminate impulse and ridiculous purchases. I wouldn't think about how I have worked so hard and deserve a BMW.... because I would have to buy two...and unfortunately I might think, "Well, I shouldn't buy two because that person doesn't need a BMW, they just need a car." Well, I really only need a car too.
It's like I think that people who have little money should not only buy what they can afford (obviously), but they don't even deserve the luxurious stuff because they can't afford it....they chose that job, or lack there of...they just need the basics because they are well..fill in the blank. Or what are they going to do with a Gucci purse.

Well, the same applies for me. I am just wondering....if they don't need it or "deserve" it, why do I?
Jesus didn't say, buy what you want and help people in need and live how you want.
He was more of a help people kind of guy. Put others above yourself. Humble yourself. Sell everything you own and follow me.

So yeah.... I am not saying this is what I will be doing.
I am just putting it out there for discussion. And it might be something God continues to pound on my heart... in which case, I will have some surrendering to do.

May all our hearts be convicted by the massive amount of stuff we own and the great need of people around us...both of material things and of emotional things.

So where do you put that stuff anyway?

So I had a pretty intense weekend. It didn't look like it would be intense before it started, but I sometimes you get hit hard when you least expect it. We had one of those missionary dinners again. The family was amazing. They live in Uzbekistan and they have been there for 10 years. One of their latest side ministries (you have to have a reason to be in country...beyond, "yeah, we're missionaries". The Islamic government doesn't usually go for that....) is working at an orphanage for kids with disabilities... children with cleft lip, cerebral palsy, down syndrome, physical deformities and many other disabilities. The orphanage homes about 100 kids up to the age of 7. Then they go to a less than satisfactory place until they are 18. At 18 they either are let on the street or sent to a place of worse condition. The life expectancy at that point is less than 2 years. Mostly they die from starvation. Children are brought in for so many reasons....cleft lip children because they can't nurse and parents can't afford formula. DIsabilities that require surgery because they can't afford the surgeries, and of course some because of the negative stigma associated with disabilities in the community. The ideology is that the state will take care of the kids, so you don't have to. Hmmm. And the adoption system is really corrupt. You have to get all these papers signed, but to get the signature can be impossible...you might have to pay massive amounts of money, or wait until the guy stops being mad at the guy who previously signed the papers....etc... So these kids are just there. Currently they are trying to get some OT, PT and ST to come and live there to help the development of the children, but there aren't many willing to do that....obviously since they still don't have anyone. The biggest project for the upcoming year is a plan to get the kids more protein to help their development too. It sounds like they currently eat formula and a few supplements until their 7. So what the missionaries want to do is get the kids eggs, bananas, bread, and milk a few days a week. This would help boost their development soooo much. The cost of such a project is estimated at $30,000 for a year for 100 children. They would have to monitor it closely to make sure that workers don't walk out with eggs and milk after their shift as their pockets are pretty empty too.
So of course I asked a million questions and I want to hear about orphanages, but it really messes me up later. I guess pain this intense needs a place to go. My longing to help these programs is so much deeper than my pockets and my ability to help. So I have to leave it to God in prayer.... but until He lifts the burden I just kind of go numb for a day or two.
And not only did I have this experience with the missionaries, but I rented the Kite Runner to watch while David studied last night. That is one of the most intense movies I have seen in a long time. It's not like Hotel Rwanda in the brutality of losing a million people to machetes in 100 days, but it's got so many layers of pain. From the incapability of a child to stand up for his friend on so many levels and the guilt that follows that, the reaction of rejection his very best friend because of his guilt, the loss of life when the Soviet invades Afghanistan, the loss of loved ones, unreconciled pain, and the list goes on and on and on. I read the book, but I think when I read an intense book the pain comes in doses because I don't read books cover to cover in a sitting. But a movie just hits you again and again without any breaks for processing. So yeah, by the time I got into bed I was pretty torn up. I couldn't really fall asleep. And I look around and I think of the selfish things I lust after and then across the globe are these people who are really starving and live in awful communities where Islamic law rules and there's no room for anything else.
Louise always told me I have a tender heart... and I like that I feel for people, but the intensity of what I actually feel and process can be so overwhelming. I think it's definitely a way God uses something he has given me to connect with him. Because honestly if I couldn't depend on him to take away what I feel and connect with Him about the brokenness He feels, I would be well, I know what I would do because I was there 4 years ago...stuffing pain without Christ and it makes for a pretty miserable person.
So yeah, this might be the longest post ever, but sometimes I have to process before I start my day.
Hopefully I didn't depress the rest of you. :)
So today, pray for this orphanage in Uzbekistan and the desire to bring food to the kids would be met.

wedding and weekend pics

So on Saturday Luke and Katherine were married. It was great! David's family came into town and we hosted his 4 siblings...in our tiny condo with one bathroom! It was soo much fun! I am exhausted from all the events and anxiety of BIG weekends. Anyway...so I don't have much to say, but here are some pics:


Jennifer, Adrienne, and Julie


The three cousin preggos part two: December, September, August


Elijah- Jenny and Todd's 9 month old son (Jenny is pictured in the second pic...due with baby 2 in December with the dark hair!!!)


Our dear friends Frank and Jennifer who just moved to Canada.


Luke and Katherine in driving off to the reception in their Porsche!!! (well it's not always theirs!)


David and Elijah dancing!


The happily married couple and us!


The Crawford family (Adrienne, David, Steven, Mark, Jane, Dad, Mom, Caroline....oh and yes the squiggly bean in my belly!) We're almost a family of 9!!!!