So I got the link to this article on our friend, Eric's blog... and I thought I'd share.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3789373
12.30.2008
12.23.2008
12.21.2008
Andrea's letter
So my friend, Andrea, did a letter too. (If you don't know what I am talking about, read the previous blog!)
And she said I could share it with you. :)
Dear Mother,
I think back to the day I became a mother...August 24, 2006. I got the call in the afternoon from a Child Protective Services Investigator. We didn't receive much information...a 9 month-old baby girl who needed us. We didn't even know what size of diapers or clothes she would need, what foods she was used to eating, her routine, or most importantly what she would need to comfort her after experiencing the removal from her family. The next few days were rocky...she cried herself to sleep in this stranger's arms. But in a few days or a week, after the shock wore off, we were no longer strangers and she began smiling and engaging in life. What I am glad I didn't know then (that I do know now), is how much I would fall in love with that little girl and how much it would hurt and break my heart to let her go. She stayed so long...almost 2 years of her life; 2 birthdays, 2 Christmases, etc. We are still adjusting to life without her now.
As a mom, I had to learn to give this little one hope and strength where I felt I had none. When we talked of her leaving to return to her bio-parents, we did so in positive terms, even if we had fears. We prayed with her telling her that we had complete faith in God to heal her family and help her through her losses of this family when she returned, though we looked at God and wondered if we really believed what we were praying for. But I was able to tell her complete truths that I will never waiver on...'we will always love you', 'we will always pray for you and your family', 'we will always be here if you need us'. And I learned to be vulnerable thanks to our first little girl. I admitted when I was wrong, I cried when I was sad, I let the grief and loss hit me and make me softer and more nurturing. And I believe these were good lessons for her to carry home with her. She returned to her bio-parents on May 8, 2008.
We had arrived at this kind of parenthood because of our infertility. God blessed us with a forever child, Ellie, on April 14, 2007. I got to see her ultrasound with her birth mother two days prior to her birth. We were at her delivery and got to see her beautiful entry into this world. We held her, fed her, and stayed with her in the hospital. Ellie taught me how to bond to her as she looked to me to be her mommy...I had become fearful during the foster care process of raising our first little girl. It took my husband pointing out how much Ellie responded to me, looked for me, etc. for me to decide I better get on board with bonding and become her mommy. Today, I can't imagine having more fun as a mom than I do day to day with Ellie. I can't imagine being any closer to a child if I had birthed her myself; adoption taught me that motherhood is more than the biological aspects of conceiving and birthing a child.
Motherhood has also taught me to be thankful for my infertility. Without it, I would never have had the chance to be a mommy to two beautiful little girls. Two daughters, who needed us, specifically us, for what we could teach them. And we needed them for what they had to teach us. Recently I had abdomen surgery to repair some issues that were causing pain. Following that surgery, the doctor told my husband that he didn't see any reason why we shouldn't be able to get pregnant. Now, we are in the waiting stage to see if God really, truly has pregnancy as part of the plan for our lives. I look forward to experiencing motherhood in that way too.
Motherhood is a tough job. It is joyful but also breaks our hearts as we sacrifice for them. We must bond and attach to our babies, but let go too quickly so that they can learn how to conquer the world in their way. I have worked many exciting jobs from a CPS investigator, adoption specialist, reuniting those in closed adoptions, etc., but I would never trade this job of being a mommy for anything.
With Love,
Mommy Andrea
And she said I could share it with you. :)
Dear Mother,
I think back to the day I became a mother...August 24, 2006. I got the call in the afternoon from a Child Protective Services Investigator. We didn't receive much information...a 9 month-old baby girl who needed us. We didn't even know what size of diapers or clothes she would need, what foods she was used to eating, her routine, or most importantly what she would need to comfort her after experiencing the removal from her family. The next few days were rocky...she cried herself to sleep in this stranger's arms. But in a few days or a week, after the shock wore off, we were no longer strangers and she began smiling and engaging in life. What I am glad I didn't know then (that I do know now), is how much I would fall in love with that little girl and how much it would hurt and break my heart to let her go. She stayed so long...almost 2 years of her life; 2 birthdays, 2 Christmases, etc. We are still adjusting to life without her now.
As a mom, I had to learn to give this little one hope and strength where I felt I had none. When we talked of her leaving to return to her bio-parents, we did so in positive terms, even if we had fears. We prayed with her telling her that we had complete faith in God to heal her family and help her through her losses of this family when she returned, though we looked at God and wondered if we really believed what we were praying for. But I was able to tell her complete truths that I will never waiver on...'we will always love you', 'we will always pray for you and your family', 'we will always be here if you need us'. And I learned to be vulnerable thanks to our first little girl. I admitted when I was wrong, I cried when I was sad, I let the grief and loss hit me and make me softer and more nurturing. And I believe these were good lessons for her to carry home with her. She returned to her bio-parents on May 8, 2008.
We had arrived at this kind of parenthood because of our infertility. God blessed us with a forever child, Ellie, on April 14, 2007. I got to see her ultrasound with her birth mother two days prior to her birth. We were at her delivery and got to see her beautiful entry into this world. We held her, fed her, and stayed with her in the hospital. Ellie taught me how to bond to her as she looked to me to be her mommy...I had become fearful during the foster care process of raising our first little girl. It took my husband pointing out how much Ellie responded to me, looked for me, etc. for me to decide I better get on board with bonding and become her mommy. Today, I can't imagine having more fun as a mom than I do day to day with Ellie. I can't imagine being any closer to a child if I had birthed her myself; adoption taught me that motherhood is more than the biological aspects of conceiving and birthing a child.
Motherhood has also taught me to be thankful for my infertility. Without it, I would never have had the chance to be a mommy to two beautiful little girls. Two daughters, who needed us, specifically us, for what we could teach them. And we needed them for what they had to teach us. Recently I had abdomen surgery to repair some issues that were causing pain. Following that surgery, the doctor told my husband that he didn't see any reason why we shouldn't be able to get pregnant. Now, we are in the waiting stage to see if God really, truly has pregnancy as part of the plan for our lives. I look forward to experiencing motherhood in that way too.
Motherhood is a tough job. It is joyful but also breaks our hearts as we sacrifice for them. We must bond and attach to our babies, but let go too quickly so that they can learn how to conquer the world in their way. I have worked many exciting jobs from a CPS investigator, adoption specialist, reuniting those in closed adoptions, etc., but I would never trade this job of being a mommy for anything.
With Love,
Mommy Andrea
12.20.2008
for the mothers out there...
So I have been reading the blog from that family with the trisomy 18 baby...the 99 balloons video I posted awhile ago...and I just came across this on their blog. You have to get your letter out like SOON so if you're gona do it...now's your chance!!!
To get more instructions go to the link at the bottom of this post. :)
A shout out to the mothers…
I want to make you aware of something that I think is pretty cool. A husband (who will remain anonymous) is doing something really cool for his wife for Christmas. You can read all the details here.
Basically, out of an agreed conviction from his family that they will not spend money on Christmas this year, rather, they plan to set the amount of money they would have spent aside and give it away. Thus, this means that gifts are required to not cost him money.
He is asking for mothers to write a letter to another mother. He is gathering all of these letters and giving them as a gift to his wife (if you participate, he will give you the end product as well).
Here’s the thing. What will make this project special is mothers who are willing to be gut-level honest in their assessment of motherhood as they know it. The more honest, the better. I don’t do this often…OK, never. But I am asking you to do a couple of things:
1.) Spread the word…Tell the moms in your world to participate (e-mails, blogs, etc.) This really only works if the word is spread.
2.) Write a letter….I think the process of doing this for mothers is the appeal. Anything that forces you to think back and reflect on what you have gathered along the way, is a good thing. And we have been witness to the fact that your own story- when told- can allow others to believe that their world is not as lonely as they once thought.
OK, enough car salesman, go do it.
http://www.motherletter.blogspot.com/
Oh and here's my letter:
(I didn't have a lot of time...this is what I could think of in an hour...)
December 2008
Dear Mother,
I feel quite inadequate to write a letter to you because I am young and inexperienced. However, my selfish desire to receive the letters and read the wisdom and encouraging words that will accompany them, trumps my feelings of inadequacy. I am honored to be part of this project and am truly anticipating the Mother Letters.
My son, Bentley John was born August 14, 2008. His arrival was the greatest joy I have experienced. After a natural childbirth the doctor announced, “It’s a boy!” and placed his small body on my chest. He was quite blue and struggling to breathe, so they whisked him off to NICU to give him oxygen. My husband went with our small defenseless son and I stayed alone in the large, sterile room in silence. An hour passed and the neonatologist arrived, my husband at her side. “We think your son has Down syndrome,” she announced. I looked at my husband, who was smiling and nodding his head as if to say, “He’s fine, you’re fine, we’re fine.” I smiled. “Do you have any questions?” she asked. “When can I have my son?” An hour later he was wrapped up in my arms. I examined his perfect body… and thought to myself, “He does have Down syndrome, doesn’t he…”
Needless to say the beginning was quite difficult. Not in accepting his diagnosis, but in the tests…
His left ear failed the hearing test.
He has two heart defects.
He will need to be tested for hypothyroidism.
He may need a feeding tube.
He will need to start therapy right away.
My body ached for him to be healthy. For them to stop poking him, prodding him, and waking him. The never before “mother instinct” kicked in and I became his voice, his strength, his shield… Thankfully, I can now say he has a clean bill of health. That’s right, two working ears, a whole heart, a working thyroid, a large breastfeeding baby who is right on track with every other 4 month old!
I feel a connection to all mothers… mothers with children who have disabilities and mothers whose children are typical. I want the same things for my son that you do. I want to look out the window and see him running around the yard laughing and imagining a world that is fun and playful. I want to see him with slimy frogs and slithering snakes in his hands. I want to raise him to be honest, loyal, and above all, loving. I want him to love Jesus and love people…to be a voice for the voiceless and strong for the weak.
I am learning the great value of being in relationship with other mothers. I enjoy watching them interact with their children as they teach them values, boundaries, and love. I crave to be part of their joys and their pains. I think the greatest thing about motherhood is the internal connection. I have cried with mothers who have lost their babies to SIDS, foster mothers who let go of their “temporary” children, mothers who have miscarried, or felt like they were failing, and mothers whose only instinct is to cry in great awe of the life they have been given. I am honored to be part of the “Givers of Life” club…. The club we all signed up for when we either birthed our children or took in an orphan or foster child.
Just like you, Mother, I am overwhelmed with joy for my son. I am so thankful to be his mother, but I also have fears…fears that I won’t be good enough. I won’t love enough, be patient enough, or encourage enough. I fear that I will say hurtful things and have unnecessary anger. I fear I will deflate his spirit and damage his soul. I fear I will fail at being the one thing I want more than anything. The only reassurance I have is that I will raise a child who can forgive. Forgive me, forgive his father, and forgive a very painful, hurtful world.
I am so encouraged by your husband’s desire to unite Mothers with their stories of love, joy, pain, and sacrifice. I am grateful for his appreciation of all mothers and his recognition of the great connection we have with one another. I think this is a very heartfelt project that is inspiring women from around the country. I wait, with great anticipation, for the other letters… for the opportunity to read them, and save them in a drawer, to pull them out when I need words of encouragement, and strength.
Yes, dearest Mother, this is a special gift for you…a gift that can’t be bought or sold. It’s a gift from the heart. The gift of experience and truth. The gift of joy and pain. It’s a gift you’ll never forget, I am sure. And so on this special day of Christ’s birth, we are reminded of his life that gives us peace, joy, and the opportunity to love. May we be reminded of our blessings…remembering the privilege it is to have them, the opportunity to laugh and enjoy them, and the responsibility to raise and love them.
With great love and humility,
Adrienne Crawford
Detroit, MI
To get more instructions go to the link at the bottom of this post. :)
A shout out to the mothers…
I want to make you aware of something that I think is pretty cool. A husband (who will remain anonymous) is doing something really cool for his wife for Christmas. You can read all the details here.
Basically, out of an agreed conviction from his family that they will not spend money on Christmas this year, rather, they plan to set the amount of money they would have spent aside and give it away. Thus, this means that gifts are required to not cost him money.
He is asking for mothers to write a letter to another mother. He is gathering all of these letters and giving them as a gift to his wife (if you participate, he will give you the end product as well).
Here’s the thing. What will make this project special is mothers who are willing to be gut-level honest in their assessment of motherhood as they know it. The more honest, the better. I don’t do this often…OK, never. But I am asking you to do a couple of things:
1.) Spread the word…Tell the moms in your world to participate (e-mails, blogs, etc.) This really only works if the word is spread.
2.) Write a letter….I think the process of doing this for mothers is the appeal. Anything that forces you to think back and reflect on what you have gathered along the way, is a good thing. And we have been witness to the fact that your own story- when told- can allow others to believe that their world is not as lonely as they once thought.
OK, enough car salesman, go do it.
http://www.motherletter.blogspot.com/
Oh and here's my letter:
(I didn't have a lot of time...this is what I could think of in an hour...)
December 2008
Dear Mother,
I feel quite inadequate to write a letter to you because I am young and inexperienced. However, my selfish desire to receive the letters and read the wisdom and encouraging words that will accompany them, trumps my feelings of inadequacy. I am honored to be part of this project and am truly anticipating the Mother Letters.
My son, Bentley John was born August 14, 2008. His arrival was the greatest joy I have experienced. After a natural childbirth the doctor announced, “It’s a boy!” and placed his small body on my chest. He was quite blue and struggling to breathe, so they whisked him off to NICU to give him oxygen. My husband went with our small defenseless son and I stayed alone in the large, sterile room in silence. An hour passed and the neonatologist arrived, my husband at her side. “We think your son has Down syndrome,” she announced. I looked at my husband, who was smiling and nodding his head as if to say, “He’s fine, you’re fine, we’re fine.” I smiled. “Do you have any questions?” she asked. “When can I have my son?” An hour later he was wrapped up in my arms. I examined his perfect body… and thought to myself, “He does have Down syndrome, doesn’t he…”
Needless to say the beginning was quite difficult. Not in accepting his diagnosis, but in the tests…
His left ear failed the hearing test.
He has two heart defects.
He will need to be tested for hypothyroidism.
He may need a feeding tube.
He will need to start therapy right away.
My body ached for him to be healthy. For them to stop poking him, prodding him, and waking him. The never before “mother instinct” kicked in and I became his voice, his strength, his shield… Thankfully, I can now say he has a clean bill of health. That’s right, two working ears, a whole heart, a working thyroid, a large breastfeeding baby who is right on track with every other 4 month old!
I feel a connection to all mothers… mothers with children who have disabilities and mothers whose children are typical. I want the same things for my son that you do. I want to look out the window and see him running around the yard laughing and imagining a world that is fun and playful. I want to see him with slimy frogs and slithering snakes in his hands. I want to raise him to be honest, loyal, and above all, loving. I want him to love Jesus and love people…to be a voice for the voiceless and strong for the weak.
I am learning the great value of being in relationship with other mothers. I enjoy watching them interact with their children as they teach them values, boundaries, and love. I crave to be part of their joys and their pains. I think the greatest thing about motherhood is the internal connection. I have cried with mothers who have lost their babies to SIDS, foster mothers who let go of their “temporary” children, mothers who have miscarried, or felt like they were failing, and mothers whose only instinct is to cry in great awe of the life they have been given. I am honored to be part of the “Givers of Life” club…. The club we all signed up for when we either birthed our children or took in an orphan or foster child.
Just like you, Mother, I am overwhelmed with joy for my son. I am so thankful to be his mother, but I also have fears…fears that I won’t be good enough. I won’t love enough, be patient enough, or encourage enough. I fear that I will say hurtful things and have unnecessary anger. I fear I will deflate his spirit and damage his soul. I fear I will fail at being the one thing I want more than anything. The only reassurance I have is that I will raise a child who can forgive. Forgive me, forgive his father, and forgive a very painful, hurtful world.
I am so encouraged by your husband’s desire to unite Mothers with their stories of love, joy, pain, and sacrifice. I am grateful for his appreciation of all mothers and his recognition of the great connection we have with one another. I think this is a very heartfelt project that is inspiring women from around the country. I wait, with great anticipation, for the other letters… for the opportunity to read them, and save them in a drawer, to pull them out when I need words of encouragement, and strength.
Yes, dearest Mother, this is a special gift for you…a gift that can’t be bought or sold. It’s a gift from the heart. The gift of experience and truth. The gift of joy and pain. It’s a gift you’ll never forget, I am sure. And so on this special day of Christ’s birth, we are reminded of his life that gives us peace, joy, and the opportunity to love. May we be reminded of our blessings…remembering the privilege it is to have them, the opportunity to laugh and enjoy them, and the responsibility to raise and love them.
With great love and humility,
Adrienne Crawford
Detroit, MI
12.17.2008
Hope for Children
So if you click the title it will take you to an article in the NY Times about Obama's pledge for money for early education. (After you click the title, it takes you to an advertisement. In the upper right hand corner it says in tiny white letters, Skip Advertisement...click that and you will see the article). I am optimistic about this program. I totally agree with the benefits of starting earlier. I don't think children should have to pay for the mistakes their parents are making... so hopefully education will give all children the opportunity to end the cycles of poverty, addictions, abuse, etc...
What are your thoughts on this program?
So I guess I should add some background as to why I agree with publicly funding early childhood education. First, is my experience with Halie. All of you who knew her and loved her knew that she was a child in desperate need of lots of things...but definitely education was at the top of the list. It was so frustrating trying to find her a school that not only would DHS pay for, but that was even worth sending her to. The school we ended up sending her to did a lot of great things with her... but it was in definite need of better teachers and resources. I know when I was applying for a job here in A2 for a preschool they were offering me $7/hour. We needed more money. I think our children deserve more qualified teachers...people who are making more than $7/hour. I know there was an amazing preschool in Tucson the other foster moms raved about...but there was a 2 year waiting list... So guess who ends up there? Tell me, what poor and/or uneducated or single mom/dad is going to start looking for a preschool when the child is 1 or 2 years old?
My second experience with early childhood education has been with Bentley. What he receives here in Ann Arbor is nothing less than wonderful. They come to the house, they work with him, they train me, and we are all reaping the benefits. We are living in a very wealthy and intellectually stimulated community where education is a HIGH priority. It will be interesting what kinds of services Ben receives in Detroit. Maybe that is part of the reason God is leading us there....maybe I will get to help raise a voice of awareness for our children. (And I do feel some responsibility for all children... I guess that's why I have such a heart for foster children... )
I just think all children deserve a chance because they are children. They deserve our efforts and money to help build them a future. God has totally put this on my heart. First, with the child who burst through our doors with a bright smile and a desperate need for love and now with our amazing son child with Down syndrome.
What are your thoughts on this program?
So I guess I should add some background as to why I agree with publicly funding early childhood education. First, is my experience with Halie. All of you who knew her and loved her knew that she was a child in desperate need of lots of things...but definitely education was at the top of the list. It was so frustrating trying to find her a school that not only would DHS pay for, but that was even worth sending her to. The school we ended up sending her to did a lot of great things with her... but it was in definite need of better teachers and resources. I know when I was applying for a job here in A2 for a preschool they were offering me $7/hour. We needed more money. I think our children deserve more qualified teachers...people who are making more than $7/hour. I know there was an amazing preschool in Tucson the other foster moms raved about...but there was a 2 year waiting list... So guess who ends up there? Tell me, what poor and/or uneducated or single mom/dad is going to start looking for a preschool when the child is 1 or 2 years old?
My second experience with early childhood education has been with Bentley. What he receives here in Ann Arbor is nothing less than wonderful. They come to the house, they work with him, they train me, and we are all reaping the benefits. We are living in a very wealthy and intellectually stimulated community where education is a HIGH priority. It will be interesting what kinds of services Ben receives in Detroit. Maybe that is part of the reason God is leading us there....maybe I will get to help raise a voice of awareness for our children. (And I do feel some responsibility for all children... I guess that's why I have such a heart for foster children... )
I just think all children deserve a chance because they are children. They deserve our efforts and money to help build them a future. God has totally put this on my heart. First, with the child who burst through our doors with a bright smile and a desperate need for love and now with our amazing son child with Down syndrome.
12.12.2008
Real quick update
I realized after I posted the pictures of our new apartment in Detroit, I failed to tell you all our new plans! Most of you know this, I think.
So we are moving in with our friend Scott. He has this place downtown and his roommate moved out. So we are subletting from him. So basically we are just taking our beds, clothes, and things for Bentley....we'll be here for 6 months and then we are going to figure out what we'll do next. A lot of depends on where David is placed for his 3rd year rotations. He is hoping for Detroit Medical Center or for Henry Ford Hospital as they would offer him the most diverse experiences. We'll see what God has for us. :) So after the 6 months we'll have some decisions to make...sell the condo? Rent the condo? Live with people in a house? Get an apartment? As you know, Detroit isn't exactly the safest city...in fact it has been rated the most dangerous...and if GM and Chrysler go under before the end of the year it may become much more impoverished and dangerous. (Pray for a miracle). So we do need to be wise about our decision on where to live downtown.
I am getting excited to move down there. I'm actually not scared and I am looking forward to the change...plus having David so close will be soooo great.
So yeah, enjoy the pics!
So we are moving in with our friend Scott. He has this place downtown and his roommate moved out. So we are subletting from him. So basically we are just taking our beds, clothes, and things for Bentley....we'll be here for 6 months and then we are going to figure out what we'll do next. A lot of depends on where David is placed for his 3rd year rotations. He is hoping for Detroit Medical Center or for Henry Ford Hospital as they would offer him the most diverse experiences. We'll see what God has for us. :) So after the 6 months we'll have some decisions to make...sell the condo? Rent the condo? Live with people in a house? Get an apartment? As you know, Detroit isn't exactly the safest city...in fact it has been rated the most dangerous...and if GM and Chrysler go under before the end of the year it may become much more impoverished and dangerous. (Pray for a miracle). So we do need to be wise about our decision on where to live downtown.
I am getting excited to move down there. I'm actually not scared and I am looking forward to the change...plus having David so close will be soooo great.
So yeah, enjoy the pics!
our new place part 2
So that building you see straight down is the grocery store! Not bad, eh!?! I will do most shopping at the Eastern Market...but for canned goods I can go there.
Here are our bedroom windows.
So next time I will take more pictures of the building and the apartment.... I just LOVE these AMAZING windows...they bring in soooooooooooo much light!
Our new apartment!
This is a view of the living room...the windows on the left look out the eastside of Detroit and the ones straight ahead look out over the River.
href='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf2H-6y1lclbHYk7cedPFwelmMRU5D0iwrIGYB7FDWYC015gyUqLtuazr8PRk3kGMrSp0NPOfPEbyt5IIXd95IoD4AyveKA2jhxH-Vh9ON_4wSLvyBdcg8Vb3HhWDgAffQ5o2q/s1600-h/IMG_0012.JPG'>
Here you can sort of see downtown Detroit.
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