on transitioning

The inevitable has presented itself. H will probably begin her transition to be with her family. Transitioning in foster care is really hard because 99% of the time the children are released into homes that are "better" than where they came from, but not as good as the foster home. I feel really sad, although I am trying not to think about it. My strategy in dealing with pain in life is to disconnect. I have done this a few times over the past few motnhs. I have been seeing a counselor from our church who is also my friend and we talked about my disconnecting is a sin. Tough. It's true though. I signed up to love the unloved and I am required in my commitment to the children to love them and stay connected. This will be the hardest part of transitioning... staying connected to a child I will know nothing of in 6 months. However, she deserves the best.
So this transition will take a few months, but my goal is to have her gone before we leave for Spain. I desire this selfishly and unselfishly. Selfishly I will be able to detox in Spain for 3 weeks.... I can disconnect! Unselfishly if we leave for 3 weeks H will go into an unknown home come back to us for about a week or 2 and then move on. Yeah, not the greatest for her.
I would like us all to pray. Pray that God's hand will walk with her during life and that He will call her into His kingdom by name. That she may know Him. Pray that I survive this. :) Not only that I "survive", but that if it is God's desire for us to take in another precious unloved child that we will. I see this as a calling for our life, but it is the most difficult thing I have ever done. God is amazing. He puts these amazing desires in our hearts...yet they are the most difficult of all things.
Thank you for all your continuous love and support.
pray.

Ancient Ways

So I have been doing yoga lately. It is so great. I have always loved stretching and poses--- I was a cheerleader. :) It really pushes my flexibility, which if you know me you know this is a big deal. Yet it's not the physical challenge that strengthens me as much as the mental challenge. The purpose of yoga postures is to learn to calm our bodies to get to the deep meditation. Sounds scary since yoga is connected with Buddhism. However, with the right mentality yoga can be used to calm the self and connect with God in a peaceful mind. I think about the connection people must have had with God before the noise. In fact, the purpose of noise was probably musical worship in the street festivals. I see how many other religions- specifically eastern religions teach discipline and peace. Although I have been taugh peace and ways of discipline...there is something about the ancient ways that really challenges me to know God in a deeper....you have been around 4.5 billion years kind og God. I feel like the Christianity I have been taught is a modern moving Christianity not an ancient all knowing religion. I see in my Chrisitians the lack of peace and centering. Craziness is our game! Let me help you here and let me do this and that and make money or volunteer and I want to scream QUIET... PEACE. Yoga has been a place where I go to exercise by moving my body with my breath and often I connect with God in prayer. Then when it's tome to lie on my mat for 10-15 minutes I lose myself in thinking about Him. And eventually I drift off into a not sleeping not thinking state of peace.
I pray that God would teach me more of His ancient ways and how to love him more intimately.
May we all desire peace in ourselves.

Our problem?

On the way home from school today I passed by a sign attached to the bus stop covering. It said, "Meth: It's OUR problem." Hmmm is it OUR problem? Now some in my life would argue yes, however, I am not so quick to decide. Why is someone's choice to use a drug that has an extremely low recovery rate MY fault? If it's a question of whether I should help...well I am. I am a foster mom. Foster children are in care because of drugs 95% of the time...and if you're in Tucson it's probably meth. So in terms of the children I help raise because their parents choose meth I am involved...it has become a problem I am forced to deal with. I don't have an brilliant answers or ideas. I am just wondering if it's OUR problem? Are we failing society? Did we do something that created a difficult life for some? What part of the fault should I carry? I suppose I should mourn for all who fall into the life of drugs. I should pray for recovery in Tucson...that children will remain in their homes and be raised by those who created them.
Thoughts please.

pics of life

Jane's publish of pictures motivated me to share with you all life with us. It was great to see how you are doing...and see Mark too. :)
So David and I went back to visit friends and family in Oregon. Pam flew home from her 15 month deployment in Iraq. We went to dinner with old friends. My mom had a huge party at the Governor's Hotel downtown for Pam. It was awesome. This weekend we took the elders down to Rancho Betania. Another great time. So here's the pics:



David with Kwi, Fritz, Maddy, and Gracie


David and Pam

My mom and me


Sue at the ranch

Then Anna and the bug were having a great time!









David and the bug driving