12.30.2015

the moment fair trade began to matter to me...


Christmas is over and the shopping has halted. We keep it really simple in our family- drawing names in David's family and making calendars for our parents. We didn't buy gifts for each other and bought a couple small things (a book and a small toy) for the kids... I really didn't have to deal with the madhouse of shopping. I've been enjoying some extra down time- currently the kids are eating popcorn next to me while we watch a movie on Netflix. I've also been able to watch some of the adult movie options on Netflix including one called The True Cost. I didn't watch the trailer- just picked it because it's about fashion and sweatshops. In my ethics class in college I actually argued for sweatshops because I said they offered jobs and people didn't have to work in them if they didn't want to. I took this position in part because someone had to argue the opponent and because it seemed the easiest to get research to defend. At the time the big known offenders were GAP and Walmart. I didn't consider the many other clothing stores that offer cheap clothing. And then my life went on... I didn't worry about the clothes I bought. There have been several times in our marriage when we didn't have money to buy anything other than used. However, when David started picking up moonlighting shifts at the hospital and then began his first "real job" this year our ability to just buy new things when the kids and or David and I need it became quite easy. Typically I am a thrifty shopper- always buying things on sale and wanting good quality so I don't have to buy a lot, but those have been my only standards... until now. 
This movie awakened me to all the ways that I contribute to global poverty and toxic chemicals on the environment.
There are lots of questions and concerns and things to consider as consumers. In a time where we are throwing things like crazy and buying many unecessary things we should use some type of system to decide if we should buy something: (this is by no means a form of judgment or expectation- just a guideline)

1. Do I really need this? No? Then walk away. Yes?
2. Can I find it used? yes? then buy used. No?
3. Look for it from a store that sells organic/fair trade items. (See list below for suggestions).
4. Is it impossible to buy the item fair trade? Then try to buy the best quality that will last the longest.

Our world is more connected than ever and as consumers we have a responsibility to know where the things we are buying come from.

In the spring of 2003 I went to Cuba and experienced a new form of poverty and oppression. The trip changed my life- my major in college, my views on the world- it was eye opening. However, I still felt disconnected to the world. However, in spring of 2004 David and I went to see Hotel Rwanda. I don't remember the genocide- or much of history at all.. There's a scene in Hotel Rwanda where Paul is talking to the Colonel and this happens:
(copied directly from wikipedia)
Colonel Oliver: You should spit in my face.
Paul: Excuse me, Colonel?
Colonel Oliver: You’re dirt. We think you’re dirt, Paul.
Paul: Who is we?
Colonel Oliver: The West. All the super powers. Everything you believe in, Paul. They think you’re dirt. They think you’re dumb. You’re worthless.
Paul: I am afraid I don't understand what you are saying.
Colonel Oliver: Oh come on don't bullshit me Paul, you're the smartest man here. You got 'em all eating out of your hands. You could own this frigging hotel, except for one thing. You're black. You're not even a nigger. You're an African. They’re not going to stay, Paul. They’re not going to stop this slaughter.

Paul: [of the Tutsi] You cannot seriously think that you can kill them all.
George: And why not? We are halfway there already.

Paul: How can they not do anything? Don't they care?
Jack: I think that when people turn on their TVs and see this footage, they'll say, "Oh my God, that's horrible," and then they'll go back to eating their dinners.

It was the last line that really challenged me. Once I changed my major to International Studies I became quickly aware of the problems of the world, but I didn't do anything about them. Now that I have seen The True Cost and line it up with the articles I've read over the years it's a moment where I can say, "Oh my God, that's horrible." And go back to eating my dinner... But I don't want to be that person. I want to make a change in our family because I truly believe it matters. And because I've had this new awakening I want to share it because maybe I would've made some changes sooner... 
So I invite you to join me on this effort to change the way I spend. I've even found a line of fair trade and affordable hair products at our local Sprouts market. Share what changes you'll make, or have made- let's encourage one another and share resources. 

I think one of the biggest lessons as we consider that the true cost of things is much higher than what we are paying- so the sacrifice that is being made isn't in my life, but in the life of the person making my cheap item. And in our family it also means we will have less things, but that's OK with me. The kids certainly do not need more things. I don't need more clothes. I am thankful for this new challenge to change the way I shop! 

Enjoy the resources:

Fair trade made in the US:
http://www.stillbeingmolly.com/fair-trade-ethical-usa-made-brand-list-directory/


Organic fair trade children's clothing made in the US and elsewhere:
http://mukakids.com/ethical-clothes-for-kids-we-love/
http://www.greenamerica.org/livinggreen/childrensclothing.cfm


Additional organic fair trade clothing sites for kids: http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2013/apr/29/top-10-ethical-shop-childrens-clothes
http://grist.org/living/ask-umbra-is-the-thrift-shop-my-only-option-for-socially-responsible-kids-clothes/


Fair trade certified for adults:
http://www.patagonia.com/us/patagonia.go?assetid=98752

http://www.prana.com/women/collections/fair-trade.html









several websites and a piece John Oliver did on fast fashion: http://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/fair-trade-clothing

Fair trade shoes:
http://ethletic.com
http://www.solerebels.com
http://www.treehugger.com/style/solerebels-fair-trade-eco-friendly-shoes-with-plenty-of-soul.html
http://www.fairtradeshoes.org

other articles to read:
http://www.businessinsider.com/hard-to-find-ethically-made-clothing-2013-5

websites on offenders:
http://www.globallabourrights.org/reports?id=0658

Other considerations:
toys, tourism, coffee, foods


FAIR TRADE TOYS:
http://www.tegu.com
http://www.oxfamshop.org.au/musicandtoys/13988597
http://www.ecotoys.com.au/ethical-toys/

VIDEOS:


The Story of a T-Shirt from lizalig on Vimeo.

12.21.2015

2015.

I turned 33 this year. I celebrated with David's siblings, spouses, his mom, and cousin. We went to a Spanish restaurant and special ordered Paella and all sorts of other tapas. It was lovely. But it also lacked. It lacked dozens of friends in Michigan who I love so dearly. Specifically a group of girls who for the last 2 years  gathered together for my birthday and made cheese fondue- my favorite- who knew every part of my story and yet loved me still. In fact it was when I turned 31 a girl who didn't know me well came to my birthday party and asked, "What was the best thing about last year?" The year of my 31st birthday was a year from hell. We went through a painful church split and I lost 80% of my friends. And yet I was surrounded by a group of kind, thoughtful, encouraging, loving, group of women. Life is bitter sweet. There's really no other way to describe it. So while the love of family was around us this September I felt the absence of dear friends.

2015 is a year of so many memories.

We found ourselves this year. David and I found our marriage. We began doing the deep healing that should've been done 10 years ago- but just kept getting pushed aside. I began to embrace the chaos of motherhood in a new way. I've found a more gentle approach- a more listening approach- a more forgiving myself for not being enough approach- and while I could never say I've got things down... I'm moving forward.

We found our bikes. We began by driving around Michigan to find the beautiful paths available to all and realized what a beautiful state we had been missing out on! We found paths and trails and birds and water and trees. From the beautiful green of Michigan all the way through the United States to the dust of Tucson we've found that biking as a family is what we do. We love it.

We found our running shoes. This year David began running with me- and he's pushing me. It's such a fun date outing that we enjoy twice weekly.


We found some new passions. Disabilities. Social Justice. Training. Hiking. Discovering.

We toured the country. northern michigan. upper peninsula of michigan. duluth minnesota. sioux falls south dakota. custer state park. rocky mountain national park. We found the kids love to camp.

We found inclusion for Bentley.

But this year we also left.

We left Detroit.

We left the Boggs School.

We left Hope Church.

We left friends. Friends that did play dates, holiday celebrations, traveling, and so many things.

We left wounds- a neighborhood of losses no longer to pierce when we drive through.

We left desires. Desires to plant ourselves in a city and build a life.


With our discoveries and with our losses we have hope for 2016. My biggest hope for 2016 is to continue to grow my roots down in this little family of 5. I want for us to love one another well. That is my hope for 2016.

May you find time to reflect on 2015- I'd love to read it. :)
Enjoy the slideshow- but note it's missing our epic road trip which can be watched here :)









12.17.2015

Winter Performance 2015 Mexicayotl Academy

Clayton:

Bentley:                                                                                                                                                                                    

12.10.2015

conference notes

Last week I had the opportunity to go to Portland, Oregon and attend a national conference put on by the organization called TASH. TASH stands for The Association of the Severely Handicapped, but from my understanding really means something more like the association for those with disabilities pushing for more inclusion and less segregation in education, in the work force, in churches, and in community.  I learned about the conference over a year ago, but was unable to attend because of child care logistics, etc... My friend Janice and her husband, Rich attend yearly, and their son, Micah is on the board. I talk a lot about these friends- so if you don't know who they are I'll catch you up. Micah asked to be in the regular classroom with his peers and go through the same door as everyone else in 1st grade... his website and powerful story of the fight for inclusion even into the university campus dorms can be found here on his website. He now works at Syracuse University. Janice has a careful listening ear and wisdom filled words of advice- mostly about being more patient with myself. She's done a lot of writing as a mother and I am so thankful to have her in my life- you can read her stuff here. Their connection to and promotion of the organization TASH was the reason I decided to attend.

This conference lasted 3 days and had a couple talks with everyone there and several breakout sessions a day with multiple options. The first day was more of a series of lectures based on a particular topic. I started off in one about inclusive education. Before I go on I'll say this blog entry will be very different than the others- it's more of a "here's what I did and what I learned." The reflections will take time. I started a separate writing with more of my reflections, but I might take some of the advice I've over the years and see about turning it into a book. I just wanted to share what I did and what I learned because many have asked and I have a hard time articulating...
Ok moving on... so the first session started with a mom of a son with Down syndrome sharing some of her story... but the things I wrote down were, "Disability should be valued". I dunno- I think I may have written a blog or two about that idea... :)
And to remember that children with a disability- or people- or even you..."are a gift in this moment with no improvements." I don't have to fix Bentley for him to be a gift in the moment as he is. What a relief! This session was interactive and my group discussed Bentley's inclusion model at his school now and we brainstormed ways for it to be even more inclusive- so for us that would be helping his aide to step back at 1 given time a day to let him figure it out with his peers...

The second workshop was about dyadic interviewing. So basically when you're doing an interview for a research paper you might interview a person with a disability and you might need more information so you decide to ask for more info, but who do you ask? She explained the importance of asking the person with the disability who they would like you to interview- so making sure we give them power in their own stories. She explained the importance of the findings of the data being from the perspective of the right people. Also making sure you make the questions available ahead of time so the person you are interviewing has time to process, etc... My biggest take away is this idea that we as intellectuals often feel like we have the answers- or even the access to answers- but people with disabilities also have answers and know their lives and their stories well- so to be patient, to listen well, and to value the person you're talking to.

The rest of the afternoon were sessions about how inclusive education works practically. So things like, "give the state standard a hair cut and figure out the most basic thing you want the students to learn and start from there."  Making sure to use lots of graphics in the classroom for students. Making sure the students have access to the text being read- does someone need to read it to them? Does it need to be modified to a younger grade level? There are programs that do this now!
In Math it's important kids can count and do cardinality well before moving on to more challenging math.
This comment came up which I of course loved: 
"I don't want to test the students, I want to teach them."

another was:
"behavior that does not fit the norm because it is a problem to be solved and something to be fixed- and not something to be understood."
Imagine that.

An idea to make sure all students have enough processing time is to ask them a question and the students have a red and blue card on their desks. When they're ready to answer the question they turn it to blue and when they're thinking it stays on red... this can really help everyone to get to think before jumping into answers.

One comment I loved- and any mom of a child with a disability will totally get:
"If all you're doing is counting lakeshore learning bears for math- you're gonna have behavior issues." To which I say: Amen.

It's important we all make the "Least Dangerous Assumptions."

Making sure teachers are using high interest topics to keep the kids interested.

The next day I learned about an elementary school in Hillsboro...
so 5 characteristics of an effective inclusive program:

attitudes and beliefs
school support
services and physical accomodations
collaboration
instructional methods

making sure to add staff who support inclusion

"Inclusion isn't a place- it's a philosophy"


Next I went to a session on creating welcoming faith communities- it was about whether seminaries are preparing pastors to help families with a child with a disability etc...

"nothing created so much sadness in the lives of parents as the failure of the faith community to value the spiritual connection or community role of disabled children."

Then I went to one about the real truth of self containment vs inclusive classrooms. This one broke my heart. (This one is all on research as well).

kids with complex needs are getting more and more left behind in self contained classrooms
little individualization is happening in the classroom
kids with complex communication needs weren't doing anything for 42% of the day. Remember: complex communication needs does not mean intellectual disabled.
when typically developing peers were in the classroom all the sudden discussions happened and teachers started teaching...

overall data analysis:
low quality student teacher interaction
teachers at desks, paras teaching
interactions consisted of verbal directives- go get this, go do that... not engaging
one student with communication needs was totally ignored over and over again.

one teacher designed a lesson plan for the researches to observe- she was trained in sign language. She got her students together and started to teach them signing- but the students she had didn't have the physical ability to sign.
I mean really- can you imagine?

there was no curriculum
often not age appropriate activities
not organized
often without clear purpose

An assignment for one was this: she grabbed the materials to stuff envelopes- so she got the note cards and envelopes and materials and stuffed all the envelopes. then she unstuffed the envelopes and put everything back. So she knew the project was totally meaningless.

one student had signed up for the research and the researcher arrived at the school and  couldn't find her... the student was down the hall strapped to a table getting her stretching exercises.  The researcher said it was extremely uncomfortable and awkward.

I'm pretty sure that teacher has access to more resources on appropriate stretching. Break my heart.

classrooms are very physically removed from campus
areas of of classroom set aside for those with more significant needs
teachers spend more time talking to each other than teaching
little consideration of individual students needs- especially kids with communicative needs

new research opportunity: What's the causal link between inclusive education and positive student outcomes? Is segregation justified? 

I went to a session on helping medical students build empathy for kids with disabilities... I may have been part of a panel about this for like 7 years in a row... So important!

I also went to a workshop about a mom advocating for her son to be included. It was an inspirational story with lots of pictures and his journey...

I went to one by a Canadian man who talked a lot about people with disabilities and self advocacy. He had so many stories that I didn't write down...

From Hiding to Margaritas... A girl shared about her 26 year old friend with DS who was hiding in her apartment and wouldn't let anyone in. She didn't want her family to keep making all her decisions- once she was heard she realized her friend (who I met) needed a roomate they moved in together. She talked about how she and her roommate with DS dance around the house, and watch movies, and she got a text the other day that she was at the bar eating pizza and drinking margaritas! Once her friend with DS she was able to live a more independent life she was so much happier.

During the conference I was also able to grab lunch with Janice. I also stayed with my mom and Kathryn which was so great.

I met two people selling a book called, "They Said We Couldn't" It's an autobiography written by two individuals with cerebral palsy and their fight to be heard. It's an amazing read. Meeting them was very inspiring and encouraging.

I don't know how to fully articulate how being at this conference changed me. There were moments of awkward behavior and no one freaked out or acted like it wasn't OK. There's this space to be who you are and to ask questions and to rant and to yell in the microphone. No one is pretending like there's this preferred way to exist. It was very freeing. It's especially freeing as I think of ways to celebrate Bentley's differences.

So there's the basic gist of what I learned and what it was about. The reflections will trickle out- hopefully-!



12.09.2015

on parenting and allowance

One of our challenges with raising three kids born within 3.5 years of each other is figuring out how to motivate them to be more helpful and more obedient. Clayton is very eager to please and to do things on his own, however, he has an older brother that he looks up to who doesn't respond to the same motivations. This can be frustrating for us as parents because we would like to teach them to be more responsible and helpful around the house. Clayton often says, "It's not fair! Bentley and Lily don't have to do ____________." "Well, Bentley has Down syndrome and can't do that and neither can Lily because she is only 4- and more recently- 3." "But it's not fair!" He exclaims. We've tried to talk about what fair actually means and that everyone gets what they need- and we explain to Clayton all of the extra things he earns for playing his guitar and doing homework... but there continues to be an injustice in his mind surrounding our family and family responsibilities. David and I have been struggling with how to help with this dichotomy in our family. Clayton has been pushed to be more responsible than he probably would have otherwise because having Bentley just before him has been extremely busy. Lily gets more time without her brothers with just me because they've been in school that last year and a half... and Bentley really has been in school since she was born... so she doesn't know fully what Clayton went through.

Our kids love the playmobil sets made in Germany. We have been collecting them for just over a year now. They're really designed for the 5 year old mind and fingers- so keep that in mind before you purchase. They have the 1-2-3 set for younger kids. These toys are expensive, but high quality. We love how they provide Bentley with opportunities to use his hands to put on little helmets and hats and put baskets in hands, etc... it's great for his occupational therapy! Clayton loves building them and using his imagination to play. Lillian is just starting to enjoy them- but I know she'll grow into them over time. Recently I started looking on ebay for sets because a friend had recommend ebay as it can be cheaper. So we purchased a couple sets of random people, animals, and a zoo fence. While we were choosing which sets to purchase we decided we could use the pieces as allowance. I created chore charts over a year ago and the kids haven't used them very well and I haven't pushed it- they really haven't been very motivated.

Yesterday the playmobil sets arrived in the mail and I took a quick peak to see what was arriving... then I created an additional chore chart and hung it by the original.

Tonight David, the kids, and I arranged the playmobil pieces all on the table so the kids could see what they can be earning. They were so excited! A bison! An orca! Turtles! People! The list goes on.. So we placed each of the bigger animals in a 50 ticket bag- it takes 50 tickets to earn one of the animals. There are also bags of 40, 30, 20, and 5 tickets.

Yesterday I printed off tickets and started giving them tickets for doing their chores and being helpful and behaving well in not so kid friendly environments. :) "I'll give you a ticket if you ________" Bribing? Maybe. But the kids do get drug around to a lot of therapy appointments and things and I'd much prefer giving them tickets than the ipad...

We are only a couple days into this new system, but I have high hopes. Today I asked the kids to help fold laundry and Clayton immediately came to help and Lily trickled in after- Bentley went to play with his playmobil- it'll take him a couple rounds of seeing how the tickets are used to get the same motivation- but it'll come- I know my son. :) It was so great because Clayton didn't feel like Bentley playing was unfair. Bentley played and Clayton and Lily earned tickets... everyone did what they wanted.

Figuring out how to parent what are essentially twin brothers with totally different ways of operating has been very weighty. We are constantly trying to figure out if they each have what they need- if things are "fair"- if we are teaching them empathy- if we are teaching them love- if they're gonna grow up to be resentful of one another- the list goes on and on and on. As a parent I never feel like I'm doing it right- and there's not really anyone else I know with boys 16 months apart- one with Down syndrome and the younger without... maybe it wouldn't matter even if I did... but I still think it would be nice!

So if you're interested in an allowance system where the currency is more understood to younger minds and it doesn't involve dollar bills and the dollar store you might enjoy something similar. Ebay is full of "lots" on all kinds of toys- so find your child's "currency" and see what you can teach about earning and saving and receiving... the next lesson will of course be on giving- but I have a feeling that will be a lesson when someone has extra tickets and someone is just short of earning that bison...

 I think I'll make this my new signature... she arrived in the package with her bike and David found the camera mixed in with the miscellaneous.