an honest post

Have you ever missed anything? Someone? A place? An object?

I think I have been missing something, someone, and an object for a long time. I miss Tucson. I miss Nogales. I miss Sedona. I miss the Village. I miss family. And on certain days I miss teaching. And I miss our house.

I recently found out 4 close friends of ours left the Village. One would think this doesn't really effect us because we are so far away and don't see them. Yet, I think it hit hard for a few reasons. First, when you are far from something you love so much you look forward to a day of reunion with great hope and joy. And to imagine our return with the baby won't be greeted with these 4 people hurts. You pray for people and learn so many things about them and then they're gone...and you aren't even there to process it, or be part of it. So it really reminds me of our absence. An absence I still protest on a daily basis. The other thing is more selfish I guess. When someone leaves a community that you love you feel rejected. I don't actually feel rejected, but I feel angry. I feel angry that they are still in Tucson and are going to different churches and we are up here missing the Village more and more... and continually trying to be connected to the community from a distance and they are choosing not to go. What I would give to be there.

I am still in this place where I don't understand the move. And I don't feel like sugarcoating it and saying that we have all these wonderful things here... because that really doesn't erase the pain of missing home. I still miss sitting on our roof drinking beer and having incredible conversations about life. And missing Halie. And flipflops with dirty feet. And I miss friends....oh how I miss friends. Following God's will through obedience can be really painful. From confessing sin, to calling out sin, to following Him all over hurts. So often God's chosen struggled with this issue as they hid from enemies, followed the Lord through the desert, or even when Jesus was preparing for the crucifixion. Even though we know He has prepared the way for us and that He wants to offer us good things, we still experience a pain or loss. It's part of living in the broken world.

And I guess I get a little annoyed with everyone expecting me to accept Ann Arbor as home because it's feels like a transition home. We are loving people and allowing people to love us. And we are learning a new community, but it is not home to me. And I get so jealous still when I talk to family and friends and here about their lives in Arizona. From the foods they're eating that I can't get, to the weather, to the conversations and everything that is said that makes my heart hurt.

So here's a toast to my grumbling and everyone's annoyances with me. You just have to love me anyway. I am the way I am. :)
And some pictures for fun. :)

the truth about churches

So churches have been the hot topic in our blogs lately. And it's definitely been on my mind frequently because of our move. So here's what's been comforting me....

A lesson I have been learning has been the changing my mindset of expectations. I so frequently expect things from others. I expect to be invited over, thanked, or noticed. I expect that family will remember important dates. I expect expect expect. So something I was learning was instead of expecting, to offer in those areas. So instead of expecting to be invited over, I invite. Instead of expecting for others to remember my birthday, I try to remember theirs. I think the same can be applied to a church. I shouldn't walk into a church and think...what can it offer me? What spiritual development classes, worship music, and preaching can I expect to receive? But rather, where can I help the church grow? How can I connect with people? Where can I offer me?

So here's another thought to go with that...I was also thinking about how to share Christ with others. Many invite them to their churches so their friends can experience the space. Yet, I was thinking...it's not really the music or the preaching that is going to change a life...it's the relationships formed. My growth in Christianity hasn't necessarily come from the church itself, but from others pouring into my life.

So it doesn't really matter that a church has flaws and imperfections (and we all know every church has these!) But it really is a place to build community and relationships and through that the church grows.

So the truth about churches is that the preaching isn't always that great, and the worship music isn't always that great, and the people are sinful, broken people trying to help one another. And so we are quick to criticize and get frustrated and think of finding a new church home because our expectations aren't being filled. And the only way to avoid criticizing and judgment is to offer where it's broken and weak where God has given us strength. And pour out what has been given us.

So may we encourage one another in our strengths that we might believe in our strengths and offer them to a broken world.

A Love Story

During Christmas break we stayed at the Seneca House, home to our dearest friends. I remember talking to Eric about reading the Bible and how I struggle to study it and stay focused. He suggested I read it like a book. Cover to cover. Or however I feel led. Because really it's a love story that God wants to share. I considered the thought and didn't do much. So a month or so ago I was at chapel service at the retirement center and the pastor talked about he and some of the members of his church are reading the Bible in 90 days. I was intrigued. Immediately I came home and researched for plans. I found it only...only it was $80! Who pays for that? So David said, "Just take the one year reading plan and combine 4 days readings into 1." So I wrote out in a notebook the readings for each day and a place to date it. (I love organizational plans...it gives me a sense of accomplishment...we'll work on that issue another day.)

So I am on like day 25. And will start 1 Kings tomorrow. I've never read through the Bible so fast. And it's so good for me because it doesn't allow me to forget who everyone is when there name is repeated. I am definitely seeing the love story that Eric talked about.

It's so great to have people who want you to know God and see how much he loves us. Having people who want to encourage me in my walk and help me to really experience the love of God.

So may this be a post to remind us all of the beautiful story that we have on our bed stands. And although it's good to study the various books of the Bible, chapters, and verses. Sometimes it's just good to read it cover to cover and experience His love story poured out.

the story of our eggs

So far every egg in our egg carton from the grocery store has been twins!!! Isn't that amazing!?!?! We made tortilla española with twin yolks and now I cooked an egg over easy that had twin yolks! That's 5 sets of twins. As I use the rest of our eggs I will keep you posted on the twin status!

did you know?

David built me a crib and changing tables using recycled wood...including the once existing floors at Nan and Jess' home?
Pictures to be posted.

There is nothing greater than walking into this room and seeing a small bed where our child will spend the first 2 years of life sleeping away...oh the beauty of having a baby never ends. I don't know that I have ever experienced greater joy. :)

obey

So lately I have been thinking a lot about order. Not organizational order, but the way I am to order myself under Christ and my husband. Obeying Christ and placing myself under His direction is a very difficult thing because I am so easy to sin and fall away from under Him and go my own direction. So many times I think and act as if I am the one who knows what's best for my life. After all it is my life, isn't it? :)
Submission is a very humbling experience for me. I remember when I wanted to bring Halie home from the shelter sooo badly. And Sue asked, "What does David say? How does he feel about bringing her home?" And I would feel crushed thinking he's never going to want to bring her home. If I don't do this it will never happen! I have had this thought through other phases as well...just thinking if I don't take care of it the way I imagine either God or David will not follow through and I won't get what my heart desires. A little manipulative, I know. Remember the post, ME, the Manipulator...I wasn't kidding. So Sue would really transform my thinking and desires by questioning where David was in the process. She really encouraged me to let him lead our family. Ohhh I would get frustrated! However, I am learning that positioning myself under him knowing that he has positioned himself under the Lord has really benefited us in amazing ways. When I give my husband the space to make choices with the Lord, I am often amazed that if they weren't my desire at the time I always grow into the idea and see it's goodness.
One of the beautiful things about learning to submit to David is that he doesn't usually require it. He gives me the space to choose whether I am going to let him decide or whether I will turn the direction I want to go. This experience is quite similar to that I have the Lord. I know where the Lord is leading me and I can follow Him and be blessed by His plan or I can turn on my stubbornness and go my own direction.... and whether it be God or David I get down my path and realize it wasn't the right one and come crawling back hoping the other path is still available.
It's just really cool how God set up order in families wanting us all to be blessed. And it's really cool to have a husband who leads our family according to the Lord's will. And it would even be greater if I could trust both him and the Lord without question.
So to sum up this post I will list some of the ways when I willingly submitted and God has brought about good things:
-David choose his medical school possibilities and left it between 2 options...even though I REALLY didn't want to move here and was hoping he'd finish at least one other.
-David choose our condo location- he was considering 2 options- and it has turned out to be a wonderful place and will be a safe and beautiful place to begin raising our child.
-David has encouraged me to seek out specific friends and those relationships have really grown
-David told me we would stay in our BS even though I wasn't sure I liked it....some of our best friends have come from that group
-David has reminded me of my desire to have the baby's gender to be a surprise and that receiving gender appropriate gifts is a silly reason to find out the baby's gender. So...it will be "baby" "junior" or "lima bean" until the day the baby's born. And I am so excited!
-David has asked me to read my Bible when I have been unfaithful.
-David has asked me not to wear make up. (This has been a challenging request...but one where God has really taught me a lot- I will post about that at the end of my 40 days!)

Positioning myself under David has been such a blessing! And it's something God requires of me. And it's not easy. But it's obedience.