So here's a bit of my church history as I go into this thought about churches... Growing up my father was a pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. (ELCA Lutheran). So we went to church every Sunday and I was baptized and had my first communion in the ELCA. My dad eventually stopped serving the ELCA church as a pastor and began working as a consultant in a company called Kairos. When I was a senior in HS I decided I wanted to choose the faith of Christianity on my own- so I went to the church of my friend Cindy called Rolling Hills. It was a really big church with lots of programs- the high school program had it's own Sunday service with their own worship band and a Wednesday small group. I really liked the youth pastor and his wife was my small group leader. They were so loving and kind to me during that year of my life.
Then I went off to college in Phoenix, Arizona and began the search for a good church there. During my first year several friends and I would go church shopping every week- sometimes to multiple services a day. I didn't have criteria that I was looking for- I wanted a church with good music, good preaching, and good people- but what does that even mean? :) I went to a Christian university and so we had a Tuesday night worship group with speakers that flew in from around the US to give talks about life- I think I still have a couple notebooks filled with notes. This chapel was called SALT and I loved it. Eventually I stopped looking for a church and just went to SALT. At the end of my sophomore year I left the faith completely (that would require another set of blogs to explain!)
During my engagement to David we decided that we would look for a church in Tucson because we liked the morals of the Christian life- even though we were sure about our entire belief system at the time. Of course me- being the way I am- mapped out several church services- we can go at 8, 10, and then there's one tonight! Or there's a 5 pm on Saturday and then we can go to two on Sunday! David was not convinced this was a good way to find a church! We did go to several churched in the Tucson area- then David's brother- Steven suggested his church- the music is mediocre, the preaching is ok, but the people are great! We went for several weeks and agreed, except no one ever talked to us! The final straw was a 4th of July Sunday when it was full of patriotic themes- I left crying. God doesn't bless this country any more than another place. Blessings are not wealth and prestige and all the things I hate about this place. I can't go there. So Steven lovingly said- I think you should try a church called The Village. They meet on Sunday nights. I hear it's a cool place.
And that began our journey at The Village. The Village is a small church with two pastors who lovingly lead and walk along side their members seeking to see people move towards spiritual, emotional, and physical healing. They are quiet and gentle giants who listen and cry and ask you lots of questions- who ask you to ask God for the answers to your questions. They are artists and parents and advocates and many many other things. We loved being at the Village. I got counseling and discipleship. I dealt with my stuff and did some forgiving as well.
Unfortunately we had to move to Michigan for David's medical training. We joined the church of David's aunt and uncle in Ann Arbor and met some really great people. We helped start a potluck group that continues to meet Thursday nights after all these years! After over a year in Ann Arbor we decided to move to Detroit.
In Detroit we immediately joined a new church plant. We listened to the mission statement- and agreed. We wanted to be part of a church that was actively involved in the city of Detroit. We did year round outreaches and sought to know and love our neighbors well. There was a lot of things we loved about that church in Detroit. However, there came a point when we disagreed with some things about the church and left. There will be disagreements in church- probably lots of them- but we believe it's important to be able to discuss these disagreements without falling apart. Our leaving the church was extremely painful. It led me into a place of painful depression. I've gone through counseling, forgiving sessions, hours with the Lord, and I have dealt with a lot of my questions and pains. It will forever part of my church experience.
We were a mess when we left and found ourselves in the loving arms and grace of a small church in SW Detroit. The pastor, a man with some years under his belt- spent hours with David. He was so good to us. During our time there he announced that he would be retiring from the church- and the church needed to figure out who they were and what kind of pastor they would like to lead them- we decided we were still too broken to be part of this process. Also, during this time our dear friend was going through some pains of his own and mentioned it would be really helpful if we went to church with him. So we did.
We have been at Hope for a year and a half. We have sat in the back and listened and slowly introduced ourselves. Finally this fall we had dinner with the pastor and his wife. They are so gracious and kind and they listen well. It is also during this past 6 months David and I have found ourselves in a place of needing marital counseling. We will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in June. We were a mess when we got married and there are many things that we have not dealt with. And they have recently erupted causing us to fully choose one another and seek the counseling and healing we need. I have never felt so in love, so connected, and so content in my marriage. I am so thankful for God's revealing of my sin and the sin of my husband so that we can move forward more wholly. We are experiencing great great joy.
It is also during this time that I have realized a great thing about churches I never considered before. I think it is important to like your worship and the sermons. I think the mission of the church is important. I think that sometimes we put too much emphasis on finding these things and find ourselves not attending church like me in college. However, I think there is a criteria which I will use now until God asks of me otherwise....
It is essential to find a church where I can be broken. Broken in my thoughts, broken in my actions, and broken as a human. I need to be able to come to my leaders with great pains- pains about myself, about the world, and about the church. And I need to be heard. The church needs to be a place where I can be at rock bottom in my marriage and the pastor can either help us rebuild or recommend someone who can. Having a father as a pastor and having friends as pastors has taught me that my pastor is someone I want to love well- and that I want to be loved well by my pastor. I want to be able to share my life- the good and the bad. Recently we went to our pastor and shared briefly our story and this was his response to me: "In the meantime, daughter of God, I pray the Father speaks love and security and freedom to your heart in the next few weeks. Because you ARE loved... so deeply... so eternally... and so personally by Him." Pastor K.
So here's my advice at the young age of 32 about churches: find a church where you can serve. A church that fits the mission of the Bible. A church that helps you grow in wisdom and faith. But I would add- with great importance- that it be a place where when your life seems to be a mess you can go with full confidence that you will be loved oh so very well. The kind of love where the world would shame you and the church severely loves you. The kind of place that knows that change doesn't come out of our own will, but out of the transforming love of God. This kind of change is unexplainable and fully freeing. I know this well, for I have been transformed - and believe me when I say this- it wasn't my will- It was God's power.
