simple thoughts: empathy

3.25.2016

a case for empathy

I have been thinking a lot about consumerism as we approach another sacred holiday that has been bombarded with consumer markets selling things to help us celebrate. I have a really difficult time understanding the relationship between baskets and chocolate and bunnies and eggs and Jesus. If you celebrate all these things this weekend, please don't feel judged by me. I am not posting this to point towards any specific person or family- but I am just asking the questions.

I read a blog today about the importance of teaching kids the concept of earning things and not having things handed over. Things come at a cost, and we have entitled children. I appreciated the blogger's thoughts and I considered them for awhile... I recently bought a book about teaching kids about money called The Opposite of Spoiled- I haven't finished so I won't write a review... but I'll just add that I have spent some time thinking about this. Another note I'll add before I move on is that my children are 7,6, and 4- so I don't have this parenting thing figured out- I can help with some baby and toddler advice, but I certainly don't have the years of experience to reflect on how my parenting effected our children.

The other piece of important information before I go on is the idea of empathy. Recently we moved Clayton to a school called The Idea School. It's based on a philosophy of education that kids are intrinsic learners and the teacher only need guide the child. You can read more about it here . We have placed Clayton in this school because he needed a place that approached education gently, where the class sizes are small, and where he learns to love to learn. In addition, the school is an Ashoka school. This basically means that they are growing kids in their understanding of having empathy for one another. One example is that instead of teaching a child not to hit their friend because they'll have a consequence for their action, but to teach them not to hit their friend because their friend doesn't like it- because they love their friend and don't want to do things that a friend doesn't like. I've always carried "the gift of mercy" as they say- meaning I sense and empathize the burdens of those around me... However, we as a family have really grown in this area since the birth of Bentley. Teaching our children to have empathy for one another is a means of survival when dealing with a child with an intellectual disability. Yet the lesson that I've learned is that empathy is essential for all kids to learn how to care for one another- to understand where they're coming from...

So today as I was reflecting on an entitled generation- on the cheap cost of toys and things... I am reminded that it might not be the cost of things that will lead us not to purchase... I don't know if we as a culture have more money than a couple decades ago when my family was purchasing me gifts, but I am pretty sure that our outsourcing products to other countries lowered the cost allowing us to buy more. I don't know how and why people make the purchases they do... I don't read consumer reports. But I do know that we live in a global economy and everything is connected now. I also know that the workers' conditions in developing countries where our things are being made or dismal at best. I recognize the argument for their "job security" and "life opportunities" because of these products- but I also know that's not always the case- like when the huge factory collapsed in Bangladesh killing 1000 workers.

Here's what I do know... I know that teaching kids to care for someone else is possible. I know that teaching my kids to say hi to kids in wheelchairs and teach them how to play with kids in chairs, to play with kids with Down syndrome, and to befriend those with autism are steps towards empathy. I also know when we look at the pictures from our time in Burundi Clayton asks a lot of questions- and we try our best to describe what it was like to be in a place that didn't even have the litter of chip bags and bottles and toys because the people were far too poor to ever imagine such things. I know that if I showed the kids pictures of other children and adults working in factories for poor wages to make things for us they would be saddened by that.

I am not sure that our problems are in teaching kids that they must earn the things they want or that they must work hard in life or that they need to be thankful and not entitled... I think what our kids need is more opportunity to have empathy for their fellow brothers and sisters around the world. This week I was reminded in Colossians 3 this verse:

5 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

What I am trying to say is that I don't think it's enough to teach kids to resist purchasing because of the cost in dollars, I think we have to teach kids the resist purchases because of the cost of life.

We are one body. The children in Bangladesh and India and China and Haiti and Burundi are in the same Christian body as my children and we are called to peace. And we are called to gratitude.

So whether you are a Christian and are remembering the sacred Good Friday and Easter Sunday or you follow or don't follow another religion I think this is a message we can all share. People matter. The important thing for me is that my children learn to not only want things, but that they don't want things if it is hurtful to another person... and so I'll continue to the conversation of empathy with them.

And to my brothers and sister in Christ... may we reflect on the cost of the cross, our countless sins, and the beauty of salvation-- may we teach our children and those around us to truly love our brothers and sister and not just those who live in the boundaries of this country.
May we love well.

(Note: The first part of Colossians 3 is full of passages that express my thoughts here.)

12.30.2015

the moment fair trade began to matter to me...

Christmas is over and the shopping has halted. We keep it really simple in our family- drawing names in David's family and making calendars for our parents. We didn't buy gifts for each other and bought a couple small things (a book and a small toy) for the kids... I really didn't have to deal with the madhouse of shopping. I've been enjoying some extra down time- currently the kids are eating popcorn next to me while we watch a movie on Netflix. I've also been able to watch some of the adult movie options on Netflix including one called The True Cost. I didn't watch the trailer- just picked it because it's about fashion and sweatshops. In my ethics class in college I actually argued for sweatshops because I said they offered jobs and people didn't have to work in them if they didn't want to. I took this position in part because someone had to argue the opponent and because it seemed the easiest to get research to defend. At the time the big known offenders were GAP and Walmart. I didn't consider the many other clothing stores that offer cheap clothing. And then my life went on... I didn't worry about the clothes I bought. There have been several times in our marriage when we didn't have money to buy anything other than used. However, when David started picking up moonlighting shifts at the hospital and then began his first "real job" this year our ability to just buy new things when the kids and or David and I need it became quite easy. Typically I am a thrifty shopper- always buying things on sale and wanting good quality so I don't have to buy a lot, but those have been my only standards... until now.

This movie awakened me to all the ways that I contribute to global poverty and toxic chemicals on the environment.

There are lots of questions and concerns and things to consider as consumers. In a time where we are throwing things like crazy and buying many unecessary things we should use some type of system to decide if we should buy something: (this is by no means a form of judgment or expectation- just a guideline)

1. Do I really need this? No? Then walk away. Yes?
2. Can I find it used? yes? then buy used. No?
3. Look for it from a store that sells organic/fair trade items. (See list below for suggestions).
4. Is it impossible to buy the item fair trade? Then try to buy the best quality that will last the longest.

Our world is more connected than ever and as consumers we have a responsibility to know where the things we are buying come from.

In the spring of 2003 I went to Cuba and experienced a new form of poverty and oppression. The trip changed my life- my major in college, my views on the world- it was eye opening. However, I still felt disconnected to the world. However, in spring of 2004 David and I went to see Hotel Rwanda. I don't remember the genocide- or much of history at all.. There's a scene in Hotel Rwanda where Paul is talking to the Colonel and this happens:
(copied directly from wikipedia)

Colonel Oliver: You should spit in my face.

Paul: Excuse me, Colonel?

Colonel Oliver: You’re dirt. We think you’re dirt, Paul.

Paul: Who is we?

Colonel Oliver: The West. All the super powers. Everything you believe in, Paul. They think you’re dirt. They think you’re dumb. You’re worthless.

Paul: I am afraid I don't understand what you are saying.

Colonel Oliver: Oh come on don't bullshit me Paul, you're the smartest man here. You got 'em all eating out of your hands. You could own this frigging hotel, except for one thing. You're black. You're not even a nigger. You're an African. They’re not going to stay, Paul. They’re not going to stop this slaughter.

Paul: [of the Tutsi] You cannot seriously think that you can kill them all.

George: And why not? We are halfway there already.

Paul: How can they not do anything? Don't they care?

Jack: I think that when people turn on their TVs and see this footage, they'll say, "Oh my God, that's horrible," and then they'll go back to eating their dinners.

It was the last line that really challenged me. Once I changed my major to International Studies I became quickly aware of the problems of the world, but I didn't do anything about them. Now that I have seen The True Cost and line it up with the articles I've read over the years it's a moment where I can say, "Oh my God, that's horrible." And go back to eating my dinner... But I don't want to be that person. I want to make a change in our family because I truly believe it matters. And because I've had this new awakening I want to share it because maybe I would've made some changes sooner...

So I invite you to join me on this effort to change the way I spend. I've even found a line of fair trade and affordable hair products at our local Sprouts market. Share what changes you'll make, or have made- let's encourage one another and share resources.

I think one of the biggest lessons as we consider that the true cost of things is much higher than what we are paying- so the sacrifice that is being made isn't in my life, but in the life of the person making my cheap item. And in our family it also means we will have less things, but that's OK with me. The kids certainly do not need more things. I don't need more clothes. I am thankful for this new challenge to change the way I shop!

Enjoy the resources: