As David mentioned, the month of February is quickly coming to an end and we haven't heard about the University of Arizona. It's an odd feelibng knowing that we might be moving to Michigan next year. I am torn. Part of me loves new adventures, experiences, and places. I look to moving to Ypsilanti as an adventure. I have looked around Michigan with google earth...it's cool seeing all the places...there are a lot of lakes. I also looked at some houses for sale. Wow. The houses are really cool and we can get a lot for our money. Then I looked for churches... it's hard becuase I love our church here and I can't imagine finding any church like it. I truly hope we hear from the U of A soon so that we can know that we are staying here.
I am feeling almost numb to the whole thing since we really don't know what is going to happen. I am trying to prepare myself to be excited for whatever happens.
2.18.2007
2.11.2007
Acts 7
So we all know that I don't choose to read very often. I really struggled in my quiet times last year because it was hard to sit down and read. I would start reading a book of the Bible and then stop and then not get baack into it for awhile. It was really frustrating because my first 2 years of college I had great quiet times. I just couldn't get into the groove...it's hard to explain. I was really working with Sue (my mentor) to learn what a quiet time means...not the cookie cutter quiet times that I had been handed.... you know read this, pray, write. I needed someting more spontaneous...something deeper. Well, I didn't really get connected as often as I wanted during my spontaneity. So this year I have been trying something different...well, not that different- it's more of a psychological difference. So Sue gave me this "reading plan" that she found for the year. It reads through the New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs. I think the difference is that if I miss a day rahter than beating myself up and trying to read 2 or 3 days at once because I didn't read, I just pick up on the date. (David's idea). This has really helped me not feel overwhelmed and like a failure.
So this year has beengoing a lot better,I have been reading on a regular basis and I look forward to my quiet time with Jesus.
The next frustration I have is that I don't know the history of the BIble as well as I would like. I often forget who came first and where they lived and all that stuff. I know lots of people have a hard time keeping it all straight...but that doesn't seem to help me let go of wanting to know it all.
So yesterday God gave me a gift. The gift of Acts 7.
So Stephen gets up and is speaking to the Sanhedrins. He starts talking about how they are all doing just as their forefathers. And he starts preaching Old Testament histroy
- so he begins with Abraham- God promises that his descendents will inherit-- well first they'll be mistreated and then God will punish those who did the mistreating. Abraham is given the covenant of circumcision
- Abraham is the father of Isaac then
- Isaac of Jacob.
-Jacob the faher of the 12 patriarchs- 1 of which is Joseph- who has very jealous brothers that take him to Egypt. So he's raised in as an Egyptian and then a famine comes and he is able to help his family. And the pharaoh treats him well. Then a new pharaoh comes who doesn't know him and that's when God offers Moses. Moses raised with Pharaoh, kills an Egyptian because of an argument and flees. Then God shows up as a burning bush. Over time after the plagues the Israelites are freed- but they spend 40 years in the desert. Then they begin worshipping idols.
-then Joshua comes
-David who wants to build a home for God
-but it's Solomon who builds it
So Steven's finishes and the crowd is not happy. So they take him away to stone him and guess who is ordering the stoning...none other than Saul.
So I love this chapter for so many reasons. 1. It will forever be a quick reference to remember who came first- I have read all their stories, but I can't remember in what order they came...this really helps 2. Stephen's last words were about God's involvement with his people and how he had the best for them... 3. Saul is the one ordering Steven's death. yeah, Paul's letter and love for Christ leads people to Christ daily.
I think God's mercy is so real when we read the Bible. It never ceases to amaze me that David is known as the man after God's own heart and he had so many women on the side. And then Saul/Paul was a huge persecuter of Christians.They both repented and God forgave them. But it wasn't the kind of forgiveness that reminded them of their faults...or the kind that says I forgive you for now, but when I am angry I might bring up your sin again. No, it was clean and their sin was gone. It's so hard to forgive that way. I often think I have forgiven, just to be reminded that I really haven't.
All of you know David and I broke up before our engagement and I made some really stupid choices. But when David decided that he was going to forgive me and try to work it out...he meant it. I have never been reminded of the time that I left him (well, only by my father in law- but he reminds me out of love and kindness- more of a joke to ease the pain!). He's never asked anything of me when it comes to the time. I think David's forgiveness was a testimony of God's love and mercy. As far as the east to the west so are your sins forgiven...
May we be the kind of Christians who in the midst of our persecution we cry out as Stephen, "'Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.' Then he fell on his knees and cry out, 'Lord, do not hold this sin against them.'"
So this year has beengoing a lot better,I have been reading on a regular basis and I look forward to my quiet time with Jesus.
The next frustration I have is that I don't know the history of the BIble as well as I would like. I often forget who came first and where they lived and all that stuff. I know lots of people have a hard time keeping it all straight...but that doesn't seem to help me let go of wanting to know it all.
So yesterday God gave me a gift. The gift of Acts 7.
So Stephen gets up and is speaking to the Sanhedrins. He starts talking about how they are all doing just as their forefathers. And he starts preaching Old Testament histroy
- so he begins with Abraham- God promises that his descendents will inherit-- well first they'll be mistreated and then God will punish those who did the mistreating. Abraham is given the covenant of circumcision
- Abraham is the father of Isaac then
- Isaac of Jacob.
-Jacob the faher of the 12 patriarchs- 1 of which is Joseph- who has very jealous brothers that take him to Egypt. So he's raised in as an Egyptian and then a famine comes and he is able to help his family. And the pharaoh treats him well. Then a new pharaoh comes who doesn't know him and that's when God offers Moses. Moses raised with Pharaoh, kills an Egyptian because of an argument and flees. Then God shows up as a burning bush. Over time after the plagues the Israelites are freed- but they spend 40 years in the desert. Then they begin worshipping idols.
-then Joshua comes
-David who wants to build a home for God
-but it's Solomon who builds it
So Steven's finishes and the crowd is not happy. So they take him away to stone him and guess who is ordering the stoning...none other than Saul.
So I love this chapter for so many reasons. 1. It will forever be a quick reference to remember who came first- I have read all their stories, but I can't remember in what order they came...this really helps 2. Stephen's last words were about God's involvement with his people and how he had the best for them... 3. Saul is the one ordering Steven's death. yeah, Paul's letter and love for Christ leads people to Christ daily.
I think God's mercy is so real when we read the Bible. It never ceases to amaze me that David is known as the man after God's own heart and he had so many women on the side. And then Saul/Paul was a huge persecuter of Christians.They both repented and God forgave them. But it wasn't the kind of forgiveness that reminded them of their faults...or the kind that says I forgive you for now, but when I am angry I might bring up your sin again. No, it was clean and their sin was gone. It's so hard to forgive that way. I often think I have forgiven, just to be reminded that I really haven't.
All of you know David and I broke up before our engagement and I made some really stupid choices. But when David decided that he was going to forgive me and try to work it out...he meant it. I have never been reminded of the time that I left him (well, only by my father in law- but he reminds me out of love and kindness- more of a joke to ease the pain!). He's never asked anything of me when it comes to the time. I think David's forgiveness was a testimony of God's love and mercy. As far as the east to the west so are your sins forgiven...
May we be the kind of Christians who in the midst of our persecution we cry out as Stephen, "'Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.' Then he fell on his knees and cry out, 'Lord, do not hold this sin against them.'"
2.09.2007
jobs?
So I am considering finding a new job for next year. Yeah...things aren't going really well at school. The things I dislike the most are 1. The drive- about an hour a day- not so bad with David, but I can't imagine doing it along next year. 2. There are some shady things happening there. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what is going on, but I just know that there are some things that aren't acceptable, plus I don't feel like posting them. :)
Things I love about my job 1. my students- I have the greatest class 2. The parents of my students. 3. the freedom to run my day as I please.
So the question I am facing is what exactly I want to do. Our friends suggested an 8-5- don't take any work home- kind of job. David thinks I should continue to teach. I don't really know. For me, I love children and I like to be around them...but I could nanny- David won't let me- he doesn't want me to become a servant to anyone- I don't really see it that way. I could find another teaching job. Sounds exhausting and overwhelming. I could work for CPS (Child protective services)- but I don't know if I can handle it.
I don't know what to do. I guess I would like to stay where I am, but I can't stand the administration and the drive. I just want to find a place where I can stay for awhile.
I just feel confused. Why does God seem so silent?
I always had this idea in my head that I would find a job that makes a difference. Hmmm...there is also the International Refugee place down teh street. I think i would like to work with refugees.
I think Jane and maybe Steven struggle with the same thing.
I know I want to be a Mom...that will be my final job...but I am not ready for that! So in the meantime....???????????????????
Things I love about my job 1. my students- I have the greatest class 2. The parents of my students. 3. the freedom to run my day as I please.
So the question I am facing is what exactly I want to do. Our friends suggested an 8-5- don't take any work home- kind of job. David thinks I should continue to teach. I don't really know. For me, I love children and I like to be around them...but I could nanny- David won't let me- he doesn't want me to become a servant to anyone- I don't really see it that way. I could find another teaching job. Sounds exhausting and overwhelming. I could work for CPS (Child protective services)- but I don't know if I can handle it.
I don't know what to do. I guess I would like to stay where I am, but I can't stand the administration and the drive. I just want to find a place where I can stay for awhile.
I just feel confused. Why does God seem so silent?
I always had this idea in my head that I would find a job that makes a difference. Hmmm...there is also the International Refugee place down teh street. I think i would like to work with refugees.
I think Jane and maybe Steven struggle with the same thing.
I know I want to be a Mom...that will be my final job...but I am not ready for that! So in the meantime....???????????????????
2.02.2007
Beauty
So we'll see how this goes...depending on how well I keep my thoughts organized. I feel really tired and my thoughts are all over the place, but I want to post.
So I have been thinking a lot about beauty lately. Well, I never really stop thinking about it... I am a woman.
Growing up I thought that as I got older I would gain more self esteem and know who I am. However, I often feel like I haven't grown at all. I still struggle with body image as I did at the age of 10. I am coming to realize that almost every woman I know has struggled or struggles in this area. This is so frustrating! I am currently seeing a counselor through our church and we got into this discussion last night. Satan especially attacks women's beauty because we are the image of God. There is something about the beauty of women that he hates. I can't really figure it out. What would it look like if we believed we were beautiful and said good bye to our complexes? What would we be able to do that Satan hates so much?
So Julie and I discussed how our choices to believe truth about beauty will impact the young women around us. For example, her daughter--- if I have daughters--- and any young girls that I am currently around. If there is one thing that I would really like it would be to save a girl from the pain of feeling insignificant and ugly. It would be teaching her to renounce the lies. So how do we do this? How do we live in such a way that demonstrates beauty and the renouncing of the world's version? I really don't know. I try to think about the way I grew up and what impacted me to develop eating disorders. I suppose it was the constant comments of beautiful Hollywood women. Look at them...they're perfect and yet I know they feel fat and insignificant. No one would starve themself because they felt beautiful already. However, as a child I didn't realize that. I just figured they were made that way and God messed up with me.
Maybe it was the comments made when I made my order at the fast food restaurants. I wish that if she didn't want me to order a hamburder she shouldn't have taken me to Burger King. (We all know who "she" is).
I think beauty is expressed by the women that men choose. I knew a woman who after her second child gained a significant amount of weight and she had a hard time losing it. Her sons dated very beautiful and thin women. It made her really sad to see this. I didn't know how to console her and I still wouldn't know how.
I also started thinking today about the ways in which I choose to exercise and stay healthy. I often try to imagine the way I would like to look and I get in that mode and I will run until I feel like I can't think anymore. Yeah not so healthy. However, it's been the way I handle these issues since I was a young girl. So I started doing yoga. I like the way that it is a relaxing way to keep your body in shape. It really helps me to clear my head and focus on myself rather than having heightening my stress level.
I would also like to add that I have been the healthiest in this area since I met David. He refused to let me bring make up to Guatemala and he has constantly covered me with words of encouragement about how he sees me. He never comments on the beauty of another woman...not even if I say it first. He usually comments on the ugliness of their emanciated bodies. Since knowing him I was able to drop all the methods that I used to stay thin... which can cause stress just as him not smoking can cause stress on him.
So en fin... I would just like us all to be aware of the beauty scandals and to remind ourselves about the truth God wants us to believe about beauty. I would also like you all to go to this website and watch this video that Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty" shows. http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/flat4.asp?id=6909
May we fight for God's desire for us to truly know beauty.
So I have been thinking a lot about beauty lately. Well, I never really stop thinking about it... I am a woman.
Growing up I thought that as I got older I would gain more self esteem and know who I am. However, I often feel like I haven't grown at all. I still struggle with body image as I did at the age of 10. I am coming to realize that almost every woman I know has struggled or struggles in this area. This is so frustrating! I am currently seeing a counselor through our church and we got into this discussion last night. Satan especially attacks women's beauty because we are the image of God. There is something about the beauty of women that he hates. I can't really figure it out. What would it look like if we believed we were beautiful and said good bye to our complexes? What would we be able to do that Satan hates so much?
So Julie and I discussed how our choices to believe truth about beauty will impact the young women around us. For example, her daughter--- if I have daughters--- and any young girls that I am currently around. If there is one thing that I would really like it would be to save a girl from the pain of feeling insignificant and ugly. It would be teaching her to renounce the lies. So how do we do this? How do we live in such a way that demonstrates beauty and the renouncing of the world's version? I really don't know. I try to think about the way I grew up and what impacted me to develop eating disorders. I suppose it was the constant comments of beautiful Hollywood women. Look at them...they're perfect and yet I know they feel fat and insignificant. No one would starve themself because they felt beautiful already. However, as a child I didn't realize that. I just figured they were made that way and God messed up with me.
Maybe it was the comments made when I made my order at the fast food restaurants. I wish that if she didn't want me to order a hamburder she shouldn't have taken me to Burger King. (We all know who "she" is).
I think beauty is expressed by the women that men choose. I knew a woman who after her second child gained a significant amount of weight and she had a hard time losing it. Her sons dated very beautiful and thin women. It made her really sad to see this. I didn't know how to console her and I still wouldn't know how.
I also started thinking today about the ways in which I choose to exercise and stay healthy. I often try to imagine the way I would like to look and I get in that mode and I will run until I feel like I can't think anymore. Yeah not so healthy. However, it's been the way I handle these issues since I was a young girl. So I started doing yoga. I like the way that it is a relaxing way to keep your body in shape. It really helps me to clear my head and focus on myself rather than having heightening my stress level.
I would also like to add that I have been the healthiest in this area since I met David. He refused to let me bring make up to Guatemala and he has constantly covered me with words of encouragement about how he sees me. He never comments on the beauty of another woman...not even if I say it first. He usually comments on the ugliness of their emanciated bodies. Since knowing him I was able to drop all the methods that I used to stay thin... which can cause stress just as him not smoking can cause stress on him.
So en fin... I would just like us all to be aware of the beauty scandals and to remind ourselves about the truth God wants us to believe about beauty. I would also like you all to go to this website and watch this video that Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty" shows. http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/flat4.asp?id=6909
May we fight for God's desire for us to truly know beauty.
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