So I guess I can make a blog that is private and only seen by friends and family. I might do this so that I can display pictures. I haven't decided yet. However, if you ever encounter problems getting into the blog check to make sure I didn't email you a password- or whatever the needed information is.
So I have my little girl on my lap. She is so sweet---- now. But what a day! She was a monster. :) I love my monster.
We had a great Thanksgiving. At the Village last week we had our Thanksgiving soup/supper. I love this time because people from our church share what they are thankful for. It's really beautiful because we are able to see where God has taken us in the last year. One woman was thankful for the changes in her marriage. A year ago she and her husband were seriously struggling to enjoy one another...this year they are able to see where God intervened and lead them to a more joyous marriage. Another couple was given the final diagnosis of infertility....their thanks... to be free of finding a solution. No more prenatal pills by a clock, no more frustrating monthly cycles...it's all over. Their plan...adoption. It was beautifulto hear their hope for adoption. I imagine next year during the soup/supper we may all be looking at a beautiful child that they will be given. My thanks...well it's beyond H. In January, David and I decided to move forward with foster care. It took about 9 months. I love that God is using us to love the unloved. I would never have guessed this would be in God's plan for me. I try to imagine my life and plan it out strategically, an impossible choice. God is full of surprises.
I am thankful for so many things.
I look forward to celebrating this holiday season with a child who probably hasn't sat on Santa's lap and hasn't opened bright red packages.
May we pray for the children who won't have this blessing of celebrating our Savior's birthday....the children who miss out on what we take for granted. Anyway, I don't mean to be sappy. :)
11.27.2006
11.20.2006
life as a mom
I am really enjoying being a mom. I love brushing her hair and putting it up in pigtails, pony tails, and braids. I love the way she smells after her bubblegum bubble baths. I love that she wants to say goodnight and kisses me.
She has this smile that makes me weak.
There are times when she makes me crazy because she won't put on her stupid pull up...but when she finally puts it on and runs out, "Look, Mom, I did it!" All I can do is wrap her up in my arms and hold her.
I think about what it means to truly lift her up to Jesus. My friend, Cindy, made a good point. We must lift all children up to Jesus. We can never hold on too tightly for we never know the number of their days. What does this mean- offering them to Jesus? My mom suggests I dive right in- I have no idea how long she will be with us- why hold back at all? Well, I hold back from time to time to save myself from the agony of watching another one go. The only hope is that there are more.... more children who need a safe place. Will I ever feel used and exhausted by these children?
I wonder where Jesus is going to take us. I love looking back on my life and seeing His plan laid out...what will this turn out to be? Will we be that family who took in 20 children over the years or will we retire early. Part of me wants to jump ahead just so I can look back. Why is it that I would rather jump ahead and look back than take in the moment and take advantage of all that I have? Is it safer to look back than to live now? Looking back requires nothing. Well, it requires us to see our mistakes and attempt to prevent the same in the future. However, living in the moment requires a huge amount of faith that God is going to take me through all the struggles. I think one of the things I need to work on is living in the moment and trusting God in each current situation. I think God is asking me to allow Him to be a bigger part in the smaller things. Rather than make decisions all day long alone, or with David's guidance, He is asking me to call on Him. I think it's so easy to trust God and follow Him on the "big" stuff- marriage, adoption, job choice, relationships, etc... What about- so I have the next hour free- what should I do? I think God really wants me to call on Him for direction. Being romanced by Christ is so much more than the "big" stuff. It's in everything.
I also want to mention that I probably brought up adoption prematurely. I have no idea how long it will be until we are at the place when they will need us to say "yes" or "no". However, we are praying about it and getting to know our little one more and more. David says foster care is like dating and adopting is like marriage. I got angry and said, "It's not at all the same because you wouldn't marry someone just because no one else would." (I was referring to the fact that maybe no one else will want to adopt her.)
He said, "Exactly."
I understand what he means. So I guess we are dating the little one. Adoption, like marriage, is forever. So even though I won't really know the next step for awhile, you can always pray that God reveal His plan to us.
She has this smile that makes me weak.
There are times when she makes me crazy because she won't put on her stupid pull up...but when she finally puts it on and runs out, "Look, Mom, I did it!" All I can do is wrap her up in my arms and hold her.
I think about what it means to truly lift her up to Jesus. My friend, Cindy, made a good point. We must lift all children up to Jesus. We can never hold on too tightly for we never know the number of their days. What does this mean- offering them to Jesus? My mom suggests I dive right in- I have no idea how long she will be with us- why hold back at all? Well, I hold back from time to time to save myself from the agony of watching another one go. The only hope is that there are more.... more children who need a safe place. Will I ever feel used and exhausted by these children?
I wonder where Jesus is going to take us. I love looking back on my life and seeing His plan laid out...what will this turn out to be? Will we be that family who took in 20 children over the years or will we retire early. Part of me wants to jump ahead just so I can look back. Why is it that I would rather jump ahead and look back than take in the moment and take advantage of all that I have? Is it safer to look back than to live now? Looking back requires nothing. Well, it requires us to see our mistakes and attempt to prevent the same in the future. However, living in the moment requires a huge amount of faith that God is going to take me through all the struggles. I think one of the things I need to work on is living in the moment and trusting God in each current situation. I think God is asking me to allow Him to be a bigger part in the smaller things. Rather than make decisions all day long alone, or with David's guidance, He is asking me to call on Him. I think it's so easy to trust God and follow Him on the "big" stuff- marriage, adoption, job choice, relationships, etc... What about- so I have the next hour free- what should I do? I think God really wants me to call on Him for direction. Being romanced by Christ is so much more than the "big" stuff. It's in everything.
I also want to mention that I probably brought up adoption prematurely. I have no idea how long it will be until we are at the place when they will need us to say "yes" or "no". However, we are praying about it and getting to know our little one more and more. David says foster care is like dating and adopting is like marriage. I got angry and said, "It's not at all the same because you wouldn't marry someone just because no one else would." (I was referring to the fact that maybe no one else will want to adopt her.)
He said, "Exactly."
I understand what he means. So I guess we are dating the little one. Adoption, like marriage, is forever. So even though I won't really know the next step for awhile, you can always pray that God reveal His plan to us.
11.16.2006
brace yourself
Wow, it's been awhile since I posted! So the honeymoon phase is over. Tantrums have officially taken off! Wow- this little girl can throw a tantrum! So far, nothing we can't handle. :) However, consider yourself fairly warned if you have the opportunity to see such things!!! Other than the tantrums she is doing great. :) She likes her preschool. She seems to play well with others.
We have amazing support from family, friends, our church community and scool. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
So, what's up with the brace yourself--- that's what you all want to know!!!
Her parent's rights were severed yesterday. Yep, it's official- she is not going home. A vary rare scenario in the foster child world. So I emailed her case worker just to see if we are an option. She writes, "YES!!!! I didn't know you were considering adoptiong H! You just made my day!" So now David and I have a big big decision to make.
So far this is where we are: We had already decided maybe the military isn't our best route for medical school funds. Imagining time apart does not sound fun. We can take out loans and then after medical school David can serve in an "underserved community in AZ". There are a few options- Tucson, Nogales, Casa Grande, Green Valley, etc... So this changes a few things... no babies for awhile and I have to keep working. However, with H in school it won't be a big deal to work and take care of her. We also still will receive an adoption subsidy and I think insurance until she is 20.
I fell very anxious. I know we both really want to adopt her, but this is a very scary decision. It will effect us- forever. I also love her so much and I can't imagine saying no. Ultimately, it's what God wants. So God, what do you want?
Please pray for discernment. Please pray for H. Please pray for us.
We have amazing support from family, friends, our church community and scool. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
So, what's up with the brace yourself--- that's what you all want to know!!!
Her parent's rights were severed yesterday. Yep, it's official- she is not going home. A vary rare scenario in the foster child world. So I emailed her case worker just to see if we are an option. She writes, "YES!!!! I didn't know you were considering adoptiong H! You just made my day!" So now David and I have a big big decision to make.
So far this is where we are: We had already decided maybe the military isn't our best route for medical school funds. Imagining time apart does not sound fun. We can take out loans and then after medical school David can serve in an "underserved community in AZ". There are a few options- Tucson, Nogales, Casa Grande, Green Valley, etc... So this changes a few things... no babies for awhile and I have to keep working. However, with H in school it won't be a big deal to work and take care of her. We also still will receive an adoption subsidy and I think insurance until she is 20.
I fell very anxious. I know we both really want to adopt her, but this is a very scary decision. It will effect us- forever. I also love her so much and I can't imagine saying no. Ultimately, it's what God wants. So God, what do you want?
Please pray for discernment. Please pray for H. Please pray for us.
11.04.2006
ahhh life is good
So H has been with us since Monday. It is going great! She has settled in well at home. She is learning how to be part of a family, but I know she loves every minute of it. H has never been part of a family- never been taken care of. She is learning her boundaries and getting a dose of discipline.
This week was a bit difficult in discovering the schedule that suits her best. She currently is at a PreK school that is apparently great for her discibilities. However, they only meet 2 hours, 4 days a week, with only a half hour devoted to actually learning. So we were dropping her off and then barely making it to school on time. Then I would have to leave at my first break to go and bring her back to our school. And what for??? 30 minutes of learning centers!!! I am not an advacate of public schools!!!! Anyway, we finally figured it out and as long as I can get her IEP accomodated at our school then she is OK to come! HURRAY!!! Every baby step towards what is best for this little girl deserves a big HURRAYYY!!!! :)
She does very well at our school. Her aggression doesn't appear to be any worse than the other monsters. :) She actually has very few outbursts. Hmmmm a little love from those around her goes a long way.
She has regressed to pull-ups- which is frustrating, but understandable. We are really working on getting her trained again. Hopefully, with consistency she won't regress again.
I met her case worker yesterday. She is fabulous!!!! I love her. She is totally interested in what is best for H. She said that she has never seen H talk as much as she is. She is very excited with how well she is doing. I am glad that she is progressing so well. Sounds like some of her issues might be genetic, but others are a result of other things.
Today we will get her hair cut. We are going to buy her training wheels for a bike given to us. And there is an adoption celebration clinic thing at the park I am meeting up with a friend to go to.
I am still working on offering her to Jesus. I know I am in a better place than when we had N, but I still need to offer more. I think my offering creates a trust that He will always take care of me. It also creates humility in me. Humility takes me to a place that I love to be, but it requires so much to get there. The biggest thing is that I need to trust that God does have a plan for the broken. He does take care of the homeless, motherless. Wherever this little one goes is exactly where she should be. I am learning to BELIEVE that truth.
Anyway, thanks for all your prayers, encouragement, and gifts. She is going to be the best dressed 4 year old I have ever seen!!!!! I hope you all have a chance to be touched by her.
This week was a bit difficult in discovering the schedule that suits her best. She currently is at a PreK school that is apparently great for her discibilities. However, they only meet 2 hours, 4 days a week, with only a half hour devoted to actually learning. So we were dropping her off and then barely making it to school on time. Then I would have to leave at my first break to go and bring her back to our school. And what for??? 30 minutes of learning centers!!! I am not an advacate of public schools!!!! Anyway, we finally figured it out and as long as I can get her IEP accomodated at our school then she is OK to come! HURRAY!!! Every baby step towards what is best for this little girl deserves a big HURRAYYY!!!! :)
She does very well at our school. Her aggression doesn't appear to be any worse than the other monsters. :) She actually has very few outbursts. Hmmmm a little love from those around her goes a long way.
She has regressed to pull-ups- which is frustrating, but understandable. We are really working on getting her trained again. Hopefully, with consistency she won't regress again.
I met her case worker yesterday. She is fabulous!!!! I love her. She is totally interested in what is best for H. She said that she has never seen H talk as much as she is. She is very excited with how well she is doing. I am glad that she is progressing so well. Sounds like some of her issues might be genetic, but others are a result of other things.
Today we will get her hair cut. We are going to buy her training wheels for a bike given to us. And there is an adoption celebration clinic thing at the park I am meeting up with a friend to go to.
I am still working on offering her to Jesus. I know I am in a better place than when we had N, but I still need to offer more. I think my offering creates a trust that He will always take care of me. It also creates humility in me. Humility takes me to a place that I love to be, but it requires so much to get there. The biggest thing is that I need to trust that God does have a plan for the broken. He does take care of the homeless, motherless. Wherever this little one goes is exactly where she should be. I am learning to BELIEVE that truth.
Anyway, thanks for all your prayers, encouragement, and gifts. She is going to be the best dressed 4 year old I have ever seen!!!!! I hope you all have a chance to be touched by her.
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