current thoughts on adoption

So David and I have finally arrived home. :) We had a great time visiting family, but it's always a joy to return home. On our way back from Sedona we began discussing our current situation with H and where we want to go from here. David has been apprehensive to adopting her for a variety of reasons. I have seen it as more of an obligation. We have received advice from both sides of the spectrum Ultimately, it is in God's hands and He will guide us down the right path. However, I think we may know what will happen. I asked David to be honest with me about how he is feeling so that I can prepare myself to let her go. It's been an uphill battle and I am finally ready to surrender to my husband. David really misses just having me and he wants to keep H until her adoption with this other family is finalized. He wants to enjoy being young and married without the kids... I am starting to agree. There are two things that I am passionate about 1. Children 2. Travelling. I am hoping that without our little bug we can save up some money and take a trip this summer and then every year until we can't afford it and/or have kids. I want to lower our expenses in order to take a trip together every year. We met travelling and during our dating time we always managed to go somewhere...we both want to get back to this.
I feel selfish admitting such desires, but I know there is more to it than an addiction to travel. I honestly don't think I can be who H needs me to be. I am short tempered and know nothing about raising a child with aggression and delays beyond belief. God is giving me what I need to get her to her next home, but I fall short of this every day as well. I just don't think I can offer her everything that she needs. It is very hard for me to admit this because I want to be the perfect Mom and the one who receives all this recognition for doing a good job, but I need to be honest with myself.
Admitting what will happen in a couple short months is really tough, but it also gives me relief. My goal is to work on not disconnecting myself from her and to continue to love her dearly.
Also, I changed the name of my blog so that I can write about more than one thing. I am not as articulate as my husband and his siblings...but I want to share my thoughts just the same. ;) Maybe with time I will write like them.......ehh it would take too much reading and processing! I will just stick to my simple thoughts. :)