I have been thinking about my walk with Jesus a lot lately. It's been a hard transition because I had a safety net in Tucson. Not only was it the routine, the job, the church...but I had a mentor, a small group, and a counselor. It's overwhelming to even write that because it makes me look like such a mess! I am a mess. Sue was an amazing mentor because she asked the hard questions and was an amazing encourager. She spoke truth to me and was helping me find my identity. She really helped me see my gifts and was really helping me meet Jesus. My pilgrimage group was solid and met twice a month for over a year. We prayed together, laughed together cried together. It was in those quiet moments that I was able to weep over N and H. And they were able to help me weep and also help me realize the gifts and safety we offered the girls. And Julie counseled me on my past. She was really helping me see how the past changed me and helped me see why I do the things I do...and she was helping me break the patterns. So each element of my relationships in Tucson was intricately layered to help me grow in both my relationship with Christ, but also in how I treat myself and others.
So I have been thinking about what I will do in Ann Arbor to continue working forward. And I started thinking prayer. Prayer is profound and mysterious. It is promising and it is solid. It can calm the storms in my soul and give me the fire I need to move forward...and yet I so often neglect to be faithful in prayer. It is probably the biggest obstacle in my walk. In HS I kept a prayer journal so that I could look back and read how God was faithful in answering my prayers. That is a cool journal to read over.
The reason I think prayer is so important for me right now is because it is me meeting with Christ in a quiet place...and there is a big part of that which frightens me. I am an extrovert. I do well working through my struggles with people...but battling with Christ and confessing my sins alone seems horribly lonely.
Sue once suggested that I make a list of all the people I want to pray for and find a quiet place (she used her closet) and sit in there and pray until I was finished...this avoids the distractions. I did this a few times...but then failed to follow through.
She then suggested I pray not only for them, but for God to reveal verses for each person and begin filling in the sheet with verses given by God. This also seems great..but I don't think I am ready.
I guess it's a lot like Paul talking about working our way through...and not eating solid food until we can handle the light stuff. And it's so frustrating because I feel like I am further along in my walk than I actually may be and to imagine taking the baby steps in my walk is almost humiliating. I wonder why God gives grace to the humble!!!
At this point I have some ideas of how I will begin a deeper life of prayer. Including starting with praying diligently for my family (David) and then working my way out....if that makes sense. I guess I was never taught how to pray for people.
It's also really cool because I really starting thinking seriously about prayer this morning on a walk with David and then at church Pastor Ken announced his new sermon series to begin next Sunday: prayer. God is so amazing.
It's hard for me to post all this because it reveals weaknesses...but if there is anything I want and can offer it is transparency.
And I need prayer for prayer. :)
Also...ideas are welcomed.
It's amazing to be part of such a solid, loving, prayerful family...and not just the immediate family...but to see the love and grace here in Ann Arbor is even greater!
May we all walk closely with our Savior.
4 comments:
Amen! I am praying for you and David. I usually like to find verses to pray for people, a write them all down, and then just pray through them. I like to do that because I know that I am praying in a way pleasing to God then.
Prayer is hard. I heard this sermon on revival once, and the guy said that you can make Christians do everything except pray. It is only when God moves that people begin to pray.
So I think we are dependent not only on God in our prayer, but even for moving us to pray in the first place. Since I thought that, I pray each day that God will increase my desire and hunger for prayer. This has helped a lot.
I also pray that prayer for all of you as well.
Thanks Steven! You're so encouraging these days! (I know you have always been encouraging! :)
We miss you. We hope you can make it out to see us...or vice versa.
I appreciate your wisdom.
You must know I pray for you every day...mi nuera...hey, the book on prayer by Philip Yancey is good--I haven't read all of it, but what I've read is great. But, I think the thing about prayer is that it is a discipline and we ALL have the same struggle of developing it. You're not alone, dear. Yes, a journal and lists are great, and photos, or verses stuck on the walls, etc. This lady we used to know (she is in heaven now), Ruby Beaudrie prayed about 4-6 hours a day, and had a schedule. She had missionaries' (including ours) prayer cards taped up all over her apartment, and she would write us letters asking us specifically about requests we had given for prayer. In Revelation it says that our prayers are incense that is continually being offered up before the throne--so I believe Ruby's prayers, and my grandparents' prayers are still effective and powerful, since God isn't bound by time.
wow..that's an interesting thought...that our prayers are continuous and aren't bound by time. I have never thought of that...but it's so true!
I think I will find that book by Yancey. I wonder if we have it....
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