So where do you put that stuff anyway?

So I had a pretty intense weekend. It didn't look like it would be intense before it started, but I sometimes you get hit hard when you least expect it. We had one of those missionary dinners again. The family was amazing. They live in Uzbekistan and they have been there for 10 years. One of their latest side ministries (you have to have a reason to be in country...beyond, "yeah, we're missionaries". The Islamic government doesn't usually go for that....) is working at an orphanage for kids with disabilities... children with cleft lip, cerebral palsy, down syndrome, physical deformities and many other disabilities. The orphanage homes about 100 kids up to the age of 7. Then they go to a less than satisfactory place until they are 18. At 18 they either are let on the street or sent to a place of worse condition. The life expectancy at that point is less than 2 years. Mostly they die from starvation. Children are brought in for so many reasons....cleft lip children because they can't nurse and parents can't afford formula. DIsabilities that require surgery because they can't afford the surgeries, and of course some because of the negative stigma associated with disabilities in the community. The ideology is that the state will take care of the kids, so you don't have to. Hmmm. And the adoption system is really corrupt. You have to get all these papers signed, but to get the signature can be impossible...you might have to pay massive amounts of money, or wait until the guy stops being mad at the guy who previously signed the papers....etc... So these kids are just there. Currently they are trying to get some OT, PT and ST to come and live there to help the development of the children, but there aren't many willing to do that....obviously since they still don't have anyone. The biggest project for the upcoming year is a plan to get the kids more protein to help their development too. It sounds like they currently eat formula and a few supplements until their 7. So what the missionaries want to do is get the kids eggs, bananas, bread, and milk a few days a week. This would help boost their development soooo much. The cost of such a project is estimated at $30,000 for a year for 100 children. They would have to monitor it closely to make sure that workers don't walk out with eggs and milk after their shift as their pockets are pretty empty too.
So of course I asked a million questions and I want to hear about orphanages, but it really messes me up later. I guess pain this intense needs a place to go. My longing to help these programs is so much deeper than my pockets and my ability to help. So I have to leave it to God in prayer.... but until He lifts the burden I just kind of go numb for a day or two.
And not only did I have this experience with the missionaries, but I rented the Kite Runner to watch while David studied last night. That is one of the most intense movies I have seen in a long time. It's not like Hotel Rwanda in the brutality of losing a million people to machetes in 100 days, but it's got so many layers of pain. From the incapability of a child to stand up for his friend on so many levels and the guilt that follows that, the reaction of rejection his very best friend because of his guilt, the loss of life when the Soviet invades Afghanistan, the loss of loved ones, unreconciled pain, and the list goes on and on and on. I read the book, but I think when I read an intense book the pain comes in doses because I don't read books cover to cover in a sitting. But a movie just hits you again and again without any breaks for processing. So yeah, by the time I got into bed I was pretty torn up. I couldn't really fall asleep. And I look around and I think of the selfish things I lust after and then across the globe are these people who are really starving and live in awful communities where Islamic law rules and there's no room for anything else.
Louise always told me I have a tender heart... and I like that I feel for people, but the intensity of what I actually feel and process can be so overwhelming. I think it's definitely a way God uses something he has given me to connect with him. Because honestly if I couldn't depend on him to take away what I feel and connect with Him about the brokenness He feels, I would be well, I know what I would do because I was there 4 years ago...stuffing pain without Christ and it makes for a pretty miserable person.
So yeah, this might be the longest post ever, but sometimes I have to process before I start my day.
Hopefully I didn't depress the rest of you. :)
So today, pray for this orphanage in Uzbekistan and the desire to bring food to the kids would be met.