Brothers and other random thoughts

Bentley and Clayton have really become best friends. It's so fun having the two so close together. They like to copy everything the other one does. Yesterday Clayton accidentally hit his head on the fridge so Bentley purposefully bonked his head on the fridge. Today Bentley tripped and fell at the zoo so Clayton threw himself onto the ground! The copy each other all day long.... the good and the bad!

I really enjoy having 2 little boys that are so different. Having a typical child like Clayton so close in age to Bentley really has helped me not struggle with Bentley's delays. I think if it were just me and Bentley I'd always be comparing him the kids his age. Clayton allows me to experience the development of a typical child in the time frame that one would expect, while Bentley allows me to treasure each stage of development much longer. With Bentley I don't feel like my boys are growing up too fast... I feel like I get to enjoy it all!

It will be interesting to see the differences in the boys as they grow up in our home. How will Bentley's Down syndrome make him different from his brother? And I wonder what is Bentley's personality that would be there anyway. How will having a brother with special needs change Clayton? Will he be more compassionate, loving, and accepting? I think the answer is yes... but obviously he doesn't show these characteristics yet.

Obviously I think Bentley is a gift to our family. God has given us a child that will forever change how we view people. I never spent time around people with special needs- I didn't know anyone with Down syndrome. I wonder what it would have been like growing up with a sibling with Down syndrome. As a mother, it has truly encouraged my heart to love and care about Bentley in a special way. Watching Clayton so easily develop while Bentley struggles truly changes me. Bentley fights much harder to do things, while Clayton tends to give up more easily... and the reality is that he can... because in time he will be able to do it too. But for Bentley it is important to push him to try and try and try.

Some people say that children with special needs are angels. This really doesn't have any theological grounding, but I think the idea is that God gives us people to shape our hearts to know Him more intimately. Surely these children teach us to care for others in a way that would not natural develop. Eventually the sweet infant turns into a child and then grows into an adult--- the cuteness of the needs eventually fade away and sometimes the individual becomes much more needy. How does this shape who we are and how we see God? Sometimes people say things like "he suffers from Down syndrome". But I have to ask... is he suffering or are you allowing yourself to suffer through the opportunity to care for someone sacrificially? Perhaps it is an opportunity to become less selfish and see life as one goal to accomplish after another and just take care of each other. I don't see Bentley as a child who suffers. (I would like to say that there are children who suffer from different things, and sometimes I think our choices to continue with medical care far after the family should have let go does promote suffering... but that's a whole other issue... )
I don't think God sees Bentley as a mistake or as a child that He messed up on. I don't know why he gave us Bentley, but I am thankful for him. I do know that having Halie prepared us for Bentley (as a side note).

Sometimes I hear my friends worry that they will have a child with Down syndrome based on their questions about prenatal genetic testing or just based on comments I get on a regular basis. Sometimes it hurts my feelings because it makes me feel like I have an unwanted child. What is about having a child with Down syndrome or special needs that people don't want? Is it the time that you have to put into raising the child? Is it your selfish desires about what your family will look like or what your child will accomplish? Is it just because having typical children is easier? Because here's the thing: I didn't mess up. I didn't drink alcohol or do drugs during my pregnancy. I didn't put my baby at risk. He was just born this way. God knit him together in my womb the same way he knit Clayton. So why would I want a Clayton more than a Bentley? I think that's not a Biblical desire for Christians. Sometimes I think we have all these desires for our families, but God is just asking us for our hearts to be steadfastly devoted to Him and to advancing His Kingdom now. Does Bentley have the ability to do that? Absolutely. So why would I want any other child or have any other desire? I think sometimes Christians have this sort of dual life. Like part of them just raises kids and teaches them to be kind and share and all that- but I know a lot of people who are not Christians and do that too.... and then they go to church and worship God. But I think the life we are given is to be focused on one thing: advancing the Kingdom of God here and now.

I had no idea I had so many thoughts to write about! I just wanted to put up some pictures of the boys. :) I guess after a trip to the zoo with people staring at Bentley got me thinking....


Enjoy the sweet twins. :)