the final bite

I have two little boys- so different, so unique.
The younger one- learning to talk. Repeating his desires over and over... and over again. Cereal, Mama. Cereal, Mama. Down, Mama. Down, Mama. I want that. I want that. Over and over... like the smooth sound of a beating dream it becomes faint background noise.
The older one- without words makes up for his lack of speech in actions. Already this morning I fished out an unopened letter from the toilet only because he was standing outside of the bathroom pointing- showing off with pride what he had done.
The younger begged relentlessly for a bite of Mama's oatmeal- his cereal had long been finished. I finally gave in to my wide eyed and smiling boy's request-just so long as he used kind, respectful words: Oatmeal, Mama, please. And after he joyously received what he so desperately wanted I scooped up the last bite of oatmeal onto my spoon and looked up-- and there was my older son- staring at me with his wide eyes and a giant goofy smile, tongue sticking out. And I know if had words he'd say something like- Me too Mama- I want a bite too!
And like any mother who enjoys satisfying her children's desires I gave him the final bite.

I am learning that releasing my final bites for the sake of my children is what parenting is all about. Releasing my selfish desires for my children's needs is key. From setting aside my phone while unanswered texts await me to rarely finding a moment alone... without children, laundry, a husband, dishes, chores- the things that forever beckon me. Giving up the music I have so loved over the years (music was used as a grounding when I was a child!) for the toddler songs- wheels on the bus and itsy bitsy spider play in my head. all. day.long. It's soccer and basketball and towers of blocks. It's naming colors and numbers and shapes and letters. It's exhausting and rewarding.

Yes, there was a time when sharing that final bite of oatmeal would have been unheard of. And now it's daily.

And it's all I ever wanted.

And it's Christ molding my heart to His.



1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.