on parenting and allowance

One of our challenges with raising three kids born within 3.5 years of each other is figuring out how to motivate them to be more helpful and more obedient. Clayton is very eager to please and to do things on his own, however, he has an older brother that he looks up to who doesn't respond to the same motivations. This can be frustrating for us as parents because we would like to teach them to be more responsible and helpful around the house. Clayton often says, "It's not fair! Bentley and Lily don't have to do ____________." "Well, Bentley has Down syndrome and can't do that and neither can Lily because she is only 4- and more recently- 3." "But it's not fair!" He exclaims. We've tried to talk about what fair actually means and that everyone gets what they need- and we explain to Clayton all of the extra things he earns for playing his guitar and doing homework... but there continues to be an injustice in his mind surrounding our family and family responsibilities. David and I have been struggling with how to help with this dichotomy in our family. Clayton has been pushed to be more responsible than he probably would have otherwise because having Bentley just before him has been extremely busy. Lily gets more time without her brothers with just me because they've been in school that last year and a half... and Bentley really has been in school since she was born... so she doesn't know fully what Clayton went through.

Our kids love the playmobil sets made in Germany. We have been collecting them for just over a year now. They're really designed for the 5 year old mind and fingers- so keep that in mind before you purchase. They have the 1-2-3 set for younger kids. These toys are expensive, but high quality. We love how they provide Bentley with opportunities to use his hands to put on little helmets and hats and put baskets in hands, etc... it's great for his occupational therapy! Clayton loves building them and using his imagination to play. Lillian is just starting to enjoy them- but I know she'll grow into them over time. Recently I started looking on ebay for sets because a friend had recommend ebay as it can be cheaper. So we purchased a couple sets of random people, animals, and a zoo fence. While we were choosing which sets to purchase we decided we could use the pieces as allowance. I created chore charts over a year ago and the kids haven't used them very well and I haven't pushed it- they really haven't been very motivated.

Yesterday the playmobil sets arrived in the mail and I took a quick peak to see what was arriving... then I created an additional chore chart and hung it by the original.

Tonight David, the kids, and I arranged the playmobil pieces all on the table so the kids could see what they can be earning. They were so excited! A bison! An orca! Turtles! People! The list goes on.. So we placed each of the bigger animals in a 50 ticket bag- it takes 50 tickets to earn one of the animals. There are also bags of 40, 30, 20, and 5 tickets.

Yesterday I printed off tickets and started giving them tickets for doing their chores and being helpful and behaving well in not so kid friendly environments. :) "I'll give you a ticket if you ________" Bribing? Maybe. But the kids do get drug around to a lot of therapy appointments and things and I'd much prefer giving them tickets than the ipad...

We are only a couple days into this new system, but I have high hopes. Today I asked the kids to help fold laundry and Clayton immediately came to help and Lily trickled in after- Bentley went to play with his playmobil- it'll take him a couple rounds of seeing how the tickets are used to get the same motivation- but it'll come- I know my son. :) It was so great because Clayton didn't feel like Bentley playing was unfair. Bentley played and Clayton and Lily earned tickets... everyone did what they wanted.

Figuring out how to parent what are essentially twin brothers with totally different ways of operating has been very weighty. We are constantly trying to figure out if they each have what they need- if things are "fair"- if we are teaching them empathy- if we are teaching them love- if they're gonna grow up to be resentful of one another- the list goes on and on and on. As a parent I never feel like I'm doing it right- and there's not really anyone else I know with boys 16 months apart- one with Down syndrome and the younger without... maybe it wouldn't matter even if I did... but I still think it would be nice!

So if you're interested in an allowance system where the currency is more understood to younger minds and it doesn't involve dollar bills and the dollar store you might enjoy something similar. Ebay is full of "lots" on all kinds of toys- so find your child's "currency" and see what you can teach about earning and saving and receiving... the next lesson will of course be on giving- but I have a feeling that will be a lesson when someone has extra tickets and someone is just short of earning that bison...

 I think I'll make this my new signature... she arrived in the package with her bike and David found the camera mixed in with the miscellaneous.