a case for empathy

I have been thinking a lot about consumerism as we approach another sacred holiday that has been bombarded with consumer markets selling things to help us celebrate. I have a really difficult time understanding the relationship between baskets and chocolate and bunnies and eggs and Jesus. If you celebrate all these things this weekend, please don't feel judged by me. I am not posting this to point towards any specific person or family- but I am just asking the questions.

I read a blog today about the importance of teaching kids the concept of earning things and not having things handed over. Things come at a cost, and we have entitled children. I appreciated the blogger's thoughts and I considered them for awhile...  I recently bought a book about teaching kids about money called The Opposite of Spoiled- I haven't finished so I won't write a review... but I'll just add that I have spent some time thinking about this.  Another note I'll add before I move on is that my children are 7,6, and 4- so I don't have this parenting thing figured out- I can help with some baby and toddler advice, but I certainly don't have the years of experience to reflect on how my parenting effected our children.

The other piece of important information before I go on is the idea of empathy. Recently we moved Clayton to a school called The Idea School. It's based on a philosophy of education that kids are intrinsic learners and the teacher only need guide the child. You can read more about it here . We have placed Clayton in this school because he needed a place that approached education gently, where the class sizes are small, and where he learns to love to learn. In addition, the school is an Ashoka school. This basically means that they are growing kids in their understanding of having empathy for one another. One example is that instead of teaching a child not to hit their friend because they'll have a consequence for their action, but to teach them not to hit their friend because their friend doesn't like it- because they love their friend and don't want to do things that a friend doesn't like. I've always carried "the gift of mercy" as they say- meaning I sense and empathize the burdens of those around me... However, we as a family have really grown in this area since the birth of Bentley. Teaching our children to have empathy for one another is a means of survival when dealing with a child with an intellectual disability. Yet the lesson that I've learned is that empathy is essential for all kids to learn how to care for one another- to understand where they're coming from...

So today as I was reflecting on an entitled generation- on the cheap cost of toys and things... I am reminded that it might not be the cost of things that will lead us not to purchase... I don't know if we as a culture have more money than a couple decades ago when my family was purchasing me gifts, but I am pretty sure that our outsourcing products to other countries lowered the cost allowing us to buy more. I don't know how and why people make the purchases they do... I don't read consumer reports. But I do know that we live in a global economy and everything is connected now. I also know that the workers' conditions in developing countries where our things are being made or dismal at best. I recognize the argument for their "job security" and "life opportunities" because of these products- but I also know that's not always the case- like when the huge factory collapsed in Bangladesh killing 1000 workers.

Here's what I do know... I know that teaching kids to care for someone else is possible. I know that teaching my kids to say hi to kids in wheelchairs and teach them how to play with kids in chairs, to play with kids with Down syndrome, and to befriend those with autism are steps towards empathy. I also know when we look at the pictures from our time in Burundi Clayton asks a lot of questions- and we try our best to describe what it was like to be in a place that didn't even have the litter of chip bags and bottles and toys because the people were far too poor to ever imagine such things. I know that if I showed the kids pictures of other children and adults working in factories for poor wages to make things for us they would be saddened by that.

I am not sure that our problems are in teaching kids that they must earn the things they want or that they must work hard in life or that they need to be thankful and not entitled... I think what our kids need is more opportunity to have empathy for their fellow brothers and sisters around the world. This week I was reminded in Colossians 3 this verse:

5 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

What I am trying to say is that I don't think it's enough to teach kids to resist purchasing because of the cost in dollars, I think we have to teach kids the resist purchases because of the cost of life. 

We are one body. The children in Bangladesh and India and China and Haiti and Burundi are in the same Christian body as my children and we are called to peace. And we are called to gratitude. 

So whether you are a Christian and are remembering the sacred Good Friday and Easter Sunday or you follow or don't follow another religion I think this is a message we can all share. People matter. The important thing for me is that my children learn to not only want things, but that they don't want things if it is hurtful to another person... and so I'll continue to the conversation of empathy with them. 


And to my brothers and sister in Christ... may we reflect on the cost of the cross, our countless sins, and the beauty of salvation-- may we teach our children and those around us to truly love our brothers and sister and not just those who live in the boundaries of this country. 
May we love well.

(Note: The first part of Colossians 3 is full of passages that express my thoughts here.)