Not in order.... Eric, Sue, Ashton, Elliott, David, Adrienne, and Bentley
I forgot to post these pictures after Christmas... so they're a little late.... but better late than never!!
2.23.2009
Friends I love. :)
Not in order.... Eric, Sue, Ashton, Elliott, David, Adrienne, and Bentley
I forgot to post these pictures after Christmas... so they're a little late.... but better late than never!!
2.22.2009
Dear Todd
Our roommate gave me this poem to read.... not sure what his diagnosis was... but it's a touching poem, anyway...
Dear Todd
I wanted you to be born healthy and strong
But you should me God's strength was perfected in your weakness
I wanted to teach you to eat and drink
But you showed me my need to feast on God's word
I wanted you to see my face and respond
But you taught me to seek Jesus' face and trust
I wanted to teach you to hold things in your hand
But you taught me to loosen my grip on the things of this world
I wanted you to learn how to speak
But you showed me how to pray
I wanted to teach you to stand
But you taught me to walk with God
I wanted you to sing in the children's choir
But you taught me to praise God in times of despair
I wanted you to learn to be quiet in public places
But you taught me humility instead
I wanted you to learn about this world
But I learned this world couldn't even recognize your worth
How can a student be so hard to teach?
How can one be so slow to understand?
God made you teacher, didn't he, Todd?
Yes, you were the teacher not I.
(The Molendyks were advised to abort Todd, but they felt God had a purpose in sending him to their family. This poem was written the night after his death.)
Dear Todd
I wanted you to be born healthy and strong
But you should me God's strength was perfected in your weakness
I wanted to teach you to eat and drink
But you showed me my need to feast on God's word
I wanted you to see my face and respond
But you taught me to seek Jesus' face and trust
I wanted to teach you to hold things in your hand
But you taught me to loosen my grip on the things of this world
I wanted you to learn how to speak
But you showed me how to pray
I wanted to teach you to stand
But you taught me to walk with God
I wanted you to sing in the children's choir
But you taught me to praise God in times of despair
I wanted you to learn to be quiet in public places
But you taught me humility instead
I wanted you to learn about this world
But I learned this world couldn't even recognize your worth
How can a student be so hard to teach?
How can one be so slow to understand?
God made you teacher, didn't he, Todd?
Yes, you were the teacher not I.
(The Molendyks were advised to abort Todd, but they felt God had a purpose in sending him to their family. This poem was written the night after his death.)
2.19.2009
Charles H. Wrigh Museum of African American History
Bentley and I went to the African American History in Detroit today... it's only about 5 minutes from our home. The museum is quite well done. (Although I am not a connosseiur of museums).
The history of African Americans is a very difficult one to "experience." Firstly, I get that I will never get it. And although I was at a museum experiencing the rooms and reading about the history I get that it's something I won't understand the same as an African American.
The museum has a part where you go through what would've been the bottom of a slave ship and there are slaves tied together and they're crying out. And the documents talk about how you could smell a slave ship from extreme distances.... and once a slave ship, always a slave ship because of the filth and smells. Then they land in the US and there's this young woman holding her baby and the people are asking, "Does the baby come with the mother?" "Well, I am not sure.... let's see what it says... Yes, the baby comes with the mother. Let's start the bidding.... 15 pounds for the mother and baby. She'll make a great asset to your home..."
And the museum continues with the history... which I guess I don't need to explain because we all learned it in school.... but I will say a museum has a way of making you deal with the pain of our history. And I can't imagine holding my Bentley all alone in a country where I am the only white girl, listening to a language I don't understand, wearing clothes I have never seen before.... as I am auctioned off to a family... and the separation from my son that lies in the future is too much to imagine.
So not only am I going through this museum in Detroit.... where I am usually the only white person... in the grocery store, at the YMCA, driving down the street, etc...
But I am the only white girl in a museum dedicated to helping African Americans remember where they came from... a history full of pain and separation from everything they knew and or loved... And so here I am reading and watching the videos and walking down "the street" in this museum feeling so much pain for these people.... and when the African Americans are walking by me or watching the same video of MLK Jr giving a speech I want to apologize.... and obviously it's much too late and I don't personally have a reason to be sorry.... but I am.
It's a very difficult experience. Especially as someone with the gift of mercy... I want to experience your pain with you.... and I know this is a pain that I can't really experience because my ancestors were the reason for your pain.
The beauty of it all is that Christ has come and restored the pain....a concept I have a very very difficult time wrapping my brain around. He's already restored the tension between black and whites and it's up to us to live into that truth and to embrace one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Obviously a big part of us living in Detroit is to walk into that truth and to love people here.... but in order to fully love them it was important for me to be reminded of their very difficult and painful history.
And so I experienced it. And I would love to take anyone who visits us through the museum. And I will pray for the restoration of this city... and that the hatred and pain would be killed with love and understanding. And that unity would reign.
The history of African Americans is a very difficult one to "experience." Firstly, I get that I will never get it. And although I was at a museum experiencing the rooms and reading about the history I get that it's something I won't understand the same as an African American.
The museum has a part where you go through what would've been the bottom of a slave ship and there are slaves tied together and they're crying out. And the documents talk about how you could smell a slave ship from extreme distances.... and once a slave ship, always a slave ship because of the filth and smells. Then they land in the US and there's this young woman holding her baby and the people are asking, "Does the baby come with the mother?" "Well, I am not sure.... let's see what it says... Yes, the baby comes with the mother. Let's start the bidding.... 15 pounds for the mother and baby. She'll make a great asset to your home..."
And the museum continues with the history... which I guess I don't need to explain because we all learned it in school.... but I will say a museum has a way of making you deal with the pain of our history. And I can't imagine holding my Bentley all alone in a country where I am the only white girl, listening to a language I don't understand, wearing clothes I have never seen before.... as I am auctioned off to a family... and the separation from my son that lies in the future is too much to imagine.
So not only am I going through this museum in Detroit.... where I am usually the only white person... in the grocery store, at the YMCA, driving down the street, etc...
But I am the only white girl in a museum dedicated to helping African Americans remember where they came from... a history full of pain and separation from everything they knew and or loved... And so here I am reading and watching the videos and walking down "the street" in this museum feeling so much pain for these people.... and when the African Americans are walking by me or watching the same video of MLK Jr giving a speech I want to apologize.... and obviously it's much too late and I don't personally have a reason to be sorry.... but I am.
It's a very difficult experience. Especially as someone with the gift of mercy... I want to experience your pain with you.... and I know this is a pain that I can't really experience because my ancestors were the reason for your pain.
The beauty of it all is that Christ has come and restored the pain....a concept I have a very very difficult time wrapping my brain around. He's already restored the tension between black and whites and it's up to us to live into that truth and to embrace one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Obviously a big part of us living in Detroit is to walk into that truth and to love people here.... but in order to fully love them it was important for me to be reminded of their very difficult and painful history.
And so I experienced it. And I would love to take anyone who visits us through the museum. And I will pray for the restoration of this city... and that the hatred and pain would be killed with love and understanding. And that unity would reign.
2.16.2009
2.06.2009
Reece's Rainbow
So everyone once in awhile I check on this forum that is for families with DS children....hence the recent posts with DS children! Anyway, this video is cool, but it's in Spanish....which I like, but all you non speakers won't get it! So Reece's Rainbow is an organization that is helping to adopt out children from other countries who have DS. It also raises money to help families who want to adopt but can't afford it. They bring awareness and help the orphanages too....also many kiddos with DS have medical issues and the money helps to pay for their necessary procedures, etc...
I especially like the end of the video because it plays pictures of children. So if you get bored, go to like the last 90 sec.
BTW... Bentley is doing great! He's sitting up now. He'll stay up for 5-10 minutes playing. He's also rolling from front to back on both sides. He's still working on back to front. He's eating solid foods... and when his daddy gets home he cracks up for the evening.
He has therapy today, his first day in the classroom with other children! SO EXCITING! I think he was anticipating it because he woke at 1 AM, 3-5 AM and then got up around 6 and hasn't gone back to sleep yet (it's 9 AM) I am hoping he sleeps for a couple hours before therapy at 12:15 so he's refreshed and ready to participate! Luckily for me they have this great medicine for exhausted moms called.... COFFEE! So thankful for this invention and delicious treat!
Things are going really well in Detroit. I take kickboxing 2 times a week and do other various workouts about 3-4 other days...including climbing the 42' climbing wall! So great. We're making friends. Just made one yesterday... a mom who home schools her 3 AMAZING sons! They live next door to the Y downtown in a sweet loft, so that's fun. Also working on some other friendships. I feel at home here. We both wonder why didn't move here sooner.
Anyway, I better get moving! Enjoy the video:
I especially like the end of the video because it plays pictures of children. So if you get bored, go to like the last 90 sec.
BTW... Bentley is doing great! He's sitting up now. He'll stay up for 5-10 minutes playing. He's also rolling from front to back on both sides. He's still working on back to front. He's eating solid foods... and when his daddy gets home he cracks up for the evening.
He has therapy today, his first day in the classroom with other children! SO EXCITING! I think he was anticipating it because he woke at 1 AM, 3-5 AM and then got up around 6 and hasn't gone back to sleep yet (it's 9 AM) I am hoping he sleeps for a couple hours before therapy at 12:15 so he's refreshed and ready to participate! Luckily for me they have this great medicine for exhausted moms called.... COFFEE! So thankful for this invention and delicious treat!
Things are going really well in Detroit. I take kickboxing 2 times a week and do other various workouts about 3-4 other days...including climbing the 42' climbing wall! So great. We're making friends. Just made one yesterday... a mom who home schools her 3 AMAZING sons! They live next door to the Y downtown in a sweet loft, so that's fun. Also working on some other friendships. I feel at home here. We both wonder why didn't move here sooner.
Anyway, I better get moving! Enjoy the video:
2.05.2009
2.01.2009
1.28.2009
Life in the city with groceries!
Bentley and I went grocery shopping and to the gym after dropping David off at the hospital yesterday. So far I just do the things I need to do without worrying how I will get all the stuff into the apt. I think yesterday I finally figured out something that works! They have these carts you can use and one of them has the side bars. So I loaded up the groceries, left them on the curb, went and parked the car, got Bentley out walked back to the building where a man helped me pull the cart inside. Then what?!?! Well, I decided I would put Ben on the cart too...and his carseat happened to fit! Then I brought the cart up, unloaded the groceries, and took Bentley and the cart back down to the lobby and then back up to put the groceries away. Craziness!
Anyway, life in Detroit is good. :) Pray for us to find a place to live in June. Looks like we'll be living with Chris and Leigh and maybe Micah....we'll see what happens in the next few months! God is doing some cool stuff! Anyway, here's a link to some more random pics: http://picasaweb.google.com/Adriennelynne82/20090127Jan2009#
Anyway, life in Detroit is good. :) Pray for us to find a place to live in June. Looks like we'll be living with Chris and Leigh and maybe Micah....we'll see what happens in the next few months! God is doing some cool stuff! Anyway, here's a link to some more random pics: http://picasaweb.google.com/Adriennelynne82/20090127Jan2009#
1.07.2009
So I know a lot of you don't have any idea what Detroit is actually like. I do plan on taking a lot of pictures of Detroit while we live here. I am not very good at that kind of photography (I'd rather do people), but it will be a good opportunity to work on it. I also hope to do some video. When David brought me to Detroit in May of 2007 I had NO idea what I was about to see. I just remember crying. I found this video on youtube that shows only the skyskrapers that have been abandoned....I hope to get some neighborhood pics up soon. The idea of the video is to show you that these buildings are downtown...they aren't off in some part of town...they are EVERYWHERE...and next door might be a highrise selling condos for $250,000-1,000,000. Seriously. Who is going to invest in that?
So anyway, here's the video...it's sort of long, but you'll get the idea after a minute or two.
12.30.2008
12.23.2008
12.21.2008
Andrea's letter
So my friend, Andrea, did a letter too. (If you don't know what I am talking about, read the previous blog!)
And she said I could share it with you. :)
Dear Mother,
I think back to the day I became a mother...August 24, 2006. I got the call in the afternoon from a Child Protective Services Investigator. We didn't receive much information...a 9 month-old baby girl who needed us. We didn't even know what size of diapers or clothes she would need, what foods she was used to eating, her routine, or most importantly what she would need to comfort her after experiencing the removal from her family. The next few days were rocky...she cried herself to sleep in this stranger's arms. But in a few days or a week, after the shock wore off, we were no longer strangers and she began smiling and engaging in life. What I am glad I didn't know then (that I do know now), is how much I would fall in love with that little girl and how much it would hurt and break my heart to let her go. She stayed so long...almost 2 years of her life; 2 birthdays, 2 Christmases, etc. We are still adjusting to life without her now.
As a mom, I had to learn to give this little one hope and strength where I felt I had none. When we talked of her leaving to return to her bio-parents, we did so in positive terms, even if we had fears. We prayed with her telling her that we had complete faith in God to heal her family and help her through her losses of this family when she returned, though we looked at God and wondered if we really believed what we were praying for. But I was able to tell her complete truths that I will never waiver on...'we will always love you', 'we will always pray for you and your family', 'we will always be here if you need us'. And I learned to be vulnerable thanks to our first little girl. I admitted when I was wrong, I cried when I was sad, I let the grief and loss hit me and make me softer and more nurturing. And I believe these were good lessons for her to carry home with her. She returned to her bio-parents on May 8, 2008.
We had arrived at this kind of parenthood because of our infertility. God blessed us with a forever child, Ellie, on April 14, 2007. I got to see her ultrasound with her birth mother two days prior to her birth. We were at her delivery and got to see her beautiful entry into this world. We held her, fed her, and stayed with her in the hospital. Ellie taught me how to bond to her as she looked to me to be her mommy...I had become fearful during the foster care process of raising our first little girl. It took my husband pointing out how much Ellie responded to me, looked for me, etc. for me to decide I better get on board with bonding and become her mommy. Today, I can't imagine having more fun as a mom than I do day to day with Ellie. I can't imagine being any closer to a child if I had birthed her myself; adoption taught me that motherhood is more than the biological aspects of conceiving and birthing a child.
Motherhood has also taught me to be thankful for my infertility. Without it, I would never have had the chance to be a mommy to two beautiful little girls. Two daughters, who needed us, specifically us, for what we could teach them. And we needed them for what they had to teach us. Recently I had abdomen surgery to repair some issues that were causing pain. Following that surgery, the doctor told my husband that he didn't see any reason why we shouldn't be able to get pregnant. Now, we are in the waiting stage to see if God really, truly has pregnancy as part of the plan for our lives. I look forward to experiencing motherhood in that way too.
Motherhood is a tough job. It is joyful but also breaks our hearts as we sacrifice for them. We must bond and attach to our babies, but let go too quickly so that they can learn how to conquer the world in their way. I have worked many exciting jobs from a CPS investigator, adoption specialist, reuniting those in closed adoptions, etc., but I would never trade this job of being a mommy for anything.
With Love,
Mommy Andrea
And she said I could share it with you. :)
Dear Mother,
I think back to the day I became a mother...August 24, 2006. I got the call in the afternoon from a Child Protective Services Investigator. We didn't receive much information...a 9 month-old baby girl who needed us. We didn't even know what size of diapers or clothes she would need, what foods she was used to eating, her routine, or most importantly what she would need to comfort her after experiencing the removal from her family. The next few days were rocky...she cried herself to sleep in this stranger's arms. But in a few days or a week, after the shock wore off, we were no longer strangers and she began smiling and engaging in life. What I am glad I didn't know then (that I do know now), is how much I would fall in love with that little girl and how much it would hurt and break my heart to let her go. She stayed so long...almost 2 years of her life; 2 birthdays, 2 Christmases, etc. We are still adjusting to life without her now.
As a mom, I had to learn to give this little one hope and strength where I felt I had none. When we talked of her leaving to return to her bio-parents, we did so in positive terms, even if we had fears. We prayed with her telling her that we had complete faith in God to heal her family and help her through her losses of this family when she returned, though we looked at God and wondered if we really believed what we were praying for. But I was able to tell her complete truths that I will never waiver on...'we will always love you', 'we will always pray for you and your family', 'we will always be here if you need us'. And I learned to be vulnerable thanks to our first little girl. I admitted when I was wrong, I cried when I was sad, I let the grief and loss hit me and make me softer and more nurturing. And I believe these were good lessons for her to carry home with her. She returned to her bio-parents on May 8, 2008.
We had arrived at this kind of parenthood because of our infertility. God blessed us with a forever child, Ellie, on April 14, 2007. I got to see her ultrasound with her birth mother two days prior to her birth. We were at her delivery and got to see her beautiful entry into this world. We held her, fed her, and stayed with her in the hospital. Ellie taught me how to bond to her as she looked to me to be her mommy...I had become fearful during the foster care process of raising our first little girl. It took my husband pointing out how much Ellie responded to me, looked for me, etc. for me to decide I better get on board with bonding and become her mommy. Today, I can't imagine having more fun as a mom than I do day to day with Ellie. I can't imagine being any closer to a child if I had birthed her myself; adoption taught me that motherhood is more than the biological aspects of conceiving and birthing a child.
Motherhood has also taught me to be thankful for my infertility. Without it, I would never have had the chance to be a mommy to two beautiful little girls. Two daughters, who needed us, specifically us, for what we could teach them. And we needed them for what they had to teach us. Recently I had abdomen surgery to repair some issues that were causing pain. Following that surgery, the doctor told my husband that he didn't see any reason why we shouldn't be able to get pregnant. Now, we are in the waiting stage to see if God really, truly has pregnancy as part of the plan for our lives. I look forward to experiencing motherhood in that way too.
Motherhood is a tough job. It is joyful but also breaks our hearts as we sacrifice for them. We must bond and attach to our babies, but let go too quickly so that they can learn how to conquer the world in their way. I have worked many exciting jobs from a CPS investigator, adoption specialist, reuniting those in closed adoptions, etc., but I would never trade this job of being a mommy for anything.
With Love,
Mommy Andrea
12.20.2008
for the mothers out there...
So I have been reading the blog from that family with the trisomy 18 baby...the 99 balloons video I posted awhile ago...and I just came across this on their blog. You have to get your letter out like SOON so if you're gona do it...now's your chance!!!
To get more instructions go to the link at the bottom of this post. :)
A shout out to the mothers…
I want to make you aware of something that I think is pretty cool. A husband (who will remain anonymous) is doing something really cool for his wife for Christmas. You can read all the details here.
Basically, out of an agreed conviction from his family that they will not spend money on Christmas this year, rather, they plan to set the amount of money they would have spent aside and give it away. Thus, this means that gifts are required to not cost him money.
He is asking for mothers to write a letter to another mother. He is gathering all of these letters and giving them as a gift to his wife (if you participate, he will give you the end product as well).
Here’s the thing. What will make this project special is mothers who are willing to be gut-level honest in their assessment of motherhood as they know it. The more honest, the better. I don’t do this often…OK, never. But I am asking you to do a couple of things:
1.) Spread the word…Tell the moms in your world to participate (e-mails, blogs, etc.) This really only works if the word is spread.
2.) Write a letter….I think the process of doing this for mothers is the appeal. Anything that forces you to think back and reflect on what you have gathered along the way, is a good thing. And we have been witness to the fact that your own story- when told- can allow others to believe that their world is not as lonely as they once thought.
OK, enough car salesman, go do it.
http://www.motherletter.blogspot.com/
Oh and here's my letter:
(I didn't have a lot of time...this is what I could think of in an hour...)
December 2008
Dear Mother,
I feel quite inadequate to write a letter to you because I am young and inexperienced. However, my selfish desire to receive the letters and read the wisdom and encouraging words that will accompany them, trumps my feelings of inadequacy. I am honored to be part of this project and am truly anticipating the Mother Letters.
My son, Bentley John was born August 14, 2008. His arrival was the greatest joy I have experienced. After a natural childbirth the doctor announced, “It’s a boy!” and placed his small body on my chest. He was quite blue and struggling to breathe, so they whisked him off to NICU to give him oxygen. My husband went with our small defenseless son and I stayed alone in the large, sterile room in silence. An hour passed and the neonatologist arrived, my husband at her side. “We think your son has Down syndrome,” she announced. I looked at my husband, who was smiling and nodding his head as if to say, “He’s fine, you’re fine, we’re fine.” I smiled. “Do you have any questions?” she asked. “When can I have my son?” An hour later he was wrapped up in my arms. I examined his perfect body… and thought to myself, “He does have Down syndrome, doesn’t he…”
Needless to say the beginning was quite difficult. Not in accepting his diagnosis, but in the tests…
His left ear failed the hearing test.
He has two heart defects.
He will need to be tested for hypothyroidism.
He may need a feeding tube.
He will need to start therapy right away.
My body ached for him to be healthy. For them to stop poking him, prodding him, and waking him. The never before “mother instinct” kicked in and I became his voice, his strength, his shield… Thankfully, I can now say he has a clean bill of health. That’s right, two working ears, a whole heart, a working thyroid, a large breastfeeding baby who is right on track with every other 4 month old!
I feel a connection to all mothers… mothers with children who have disabilities and mothers whose children are typical. I want the same things for my son that you do. I want to look out the window and see him running around the yard laughing and imagining a world that is fun and playful. I want to see him with slimy frogs and slithering snakes in his hands. I want to raise him to be honest, loyal, and above all, loving. I want him to love Jesus and love people…to be a voice for the voiceless and strong for the weak.
I am learning the great value of being in relationship with other mothers. I enjoy watching them interact with their children as they teach them values, boundaries, and love. I crave to be part of their joys and their pains. I think the greatest thing about motherhood is the internal connection. I have cried with mothers who have lost their babies to SIDS, foster mothers who let go of their “temporary” children, mothers who have miscarried, or felt like they were failing, and mothers whose only instinct is to cry in great awe of the life they have been given. I am honored to be part of the “Givers of Life” club…. The club we all signed up for when we either birthed our children or took in an orphan or foster child.
Just like you, Mother, I am overwhelmed with joy for my son. I am so thankful to be his mother, but I also have fears…fears that I won’t be good enough. I won’t love enough, be patient enough, or encourage enough. I fear that I will say hurtful things and have unnecessary anger. I fear I will deflate his spirit and damage his soul. I fear I will fail at being the one thing I want more than anything. The only reassurance I have is that I will raise a child who can forgive. Forgive me, forgive his father, and forgive a very painful, hurtful world.
I am so encouraged by your husband’s desire to unite Mothers with their stories of love, joy, pain, and sacrifice. I am grateful for his appreciation of all mothers and his recognition of the great connection we have with one another. I think this is a very heartfelt project that is inspiring women from around the country. I wait, with great anticipation, for the other letters… for the opportunity to read them, and save them in a drawer, to pull them out when I need words of encouragement, and strength.
Yes, dearest Mother, this is a special gift for you…a gift that can’t be bought or sold. It’s a gift from the heart. The gift of experience and truth. The gift of joy and pain. It’s a gift you’ll never forget, I am sure. And so on this special day of Christ’s birth, we are reminded of his life that gives us peace, joy, and the opportunity to love. May we be reminded of our blessings…remembering the privilege it is to have them, the opportunity to laugh and enjoy them, and the responsibility to raise and love them.
With great love and humility,
Adrienne Crawford
Detroit, MI
To get more instructions go to the link at the bottom of this post. :)
A shout out to the mothers…
I want to make you aware of something that I think is pretty cool. A husband (who will remain anonymous) is doing something really cool for his wife for Christmas. You can read all the details here.
Basically, out of an agreed conviction from his family that they will not spend money on Christmas this year, rather, they plan to set the amount of money they would have spent aside and give it away. Thus, this means that gifts are required to not cost him money.
He is asking for mothers to write a letter to another mother. He is gathering all of these letters and giving them as a gift to his wife (if you participate, he will give you the end product as well).
Here’s the thing. What will make this project special is mothers who are willing to be gut-level honest in their assessment of motherhood as they know it. The more honest, the better. I don’t do this often…OK, never. But I am asking you to do a couple of things:
1.) Spread the word…Tell the moms in your world to participate (e-mails, blogs, etc.) This really only works if the word is spread.
2.) Write a letter….I think the process of doing this for mothers is the appeal. Anything that forces you to think back and reflect on what you have gathered along the way, is a good thing. And we have been witness to the fact that your own story- when told- can allow others to believe that their world is not as lonely as they once thought.
OK, enough car salesman, go do it.
http://www.motherletter.blogspot.com/
Oh and here's my letter:
(I didn't have a lot of time...this is what I could think of in an hour...)
December 2008
Dear Mother,
I feel quite inadequate to write a letter to you because I am young and inexperienced. However, my selfish desire to receive the letters and read the wisdom and encouraging words that will accompany them, trumps my feelings of inadequacy. I am honored to be part of this project and am truly anticipating the Mother Letters.
My son, Bentley John was born August 14, 2008. His arrival was the greatest joy I have experienced. After a natural childbirth the doctor announced, “It’s a boy!” and placed his small body on my chest. He was quite blue and struggling to breathe, so they whisked him off to NICU to give him oxygen. My husband went with our small defenseless son and I stayed alone in the large, sterile room in silence. An hour passed and the neonatologist arrived, my husband at her side. “We think your son has Down syndrome,” she announced. I looked at my husband, who was smiling and nodding his head as if to say, “He’s fine, you’re fine, we’re fine.” I smiled. “Do you have any questions?” she asked. “When can I have my son?” An hour later he was wrapped up in my arms. I examined his perfect body… and thought to myself, “He does have Down syndrome, doesn’t he…”
Needless to say the beginning was quite difficult. Not in accepting his diagnosis, but in the tests…
His left ear failed the hearing test.
He has two heart defects.
He will need to be tested for hypothyroidism.
He may need a feeding tube.
He will need to start therapy right away.
My body ached for him to be healthy. For them to stop poking him, prodding him, and waking him. The never before “mother instinct” kicked in and I became his voice, his strength, his shield… Thankfully, I can now say he has a clean bill of health. That’s right, two working ears, a whole heart, a working thyroid, a large breastfeeding baby who is right on track with every other 4 month old!
I feel a connection to all mothers… mothers with children who have disabilities and mothers whose children are typical. I want the same things for my son that you do. I want to look out the window and see him running around the yard laughing and imagining a world that is fun and playful. I want to see him with slimy frogs and slithering snakes in his hands. I want to raise him to be honest, loyal, and above all, loving. I want him to love Jesus and love people…to be a voice for the voiceless and strong for the weak.
I am learning the great value of being in relationship with other mothers. I enjoy watching them interact with their children as they teach them values, boundaries, and love. I crave to be part of their joys and their pains. I think the greatest thing about motherhood is the internal connection. I have cried with mothers who have lost their babies to SIDS, foster mothers who let go of their “temporary” children, mothers who have miscarried, or felt like they were failing, and mothers whose only instinct is to cry in great awe of the life they have been given. I am honored to be part of the “Givers of Life” club…. The club we all signed up for when we either birthed our children or took in an orphan or foster child.
Just like you, Mother, I am overwhelmed with joy for my son. I am so thankful to be his mother, but I also have fears…fears that I won’t be good enough. I won’t love enough, be patient enough, or encourage enough. I fear that I will say hurtful things and have unnecessary anger. I fear I will deflate his spirit and damage his soul. I fear I will fail at being the one thing I want more than anything. The only reassurance I have is that I will raise a child who can forgive. Forgive me, forgive his father, and forgive a very painful, hurtful world.
I am so encouraged by your husband’s desire to unite Mothers with their stories of love, joy, pain, and sacrifice. I am grateful for his appreciation of all mothers and his recognition of the great connection we have with one another. I think this is a very heartfelt project that is inspiring women from around the country. I wait, with great anticipation, for the other letters… for the opportunity to read them, and save them in a drawer, to pull them out when I need words of encouragement, and strength.
Yes, dearest Mother, this is a special gift for you…a gift that can’t be bought or sold. It’s a gift from the heart. The gift of experience and truth. The gift of joy and pain. It’s a gift you’ll never forget, I am sure. And so on this special day of Christ’s birth, we are reminded of his life that gives us peace, joy, and the opportunity to love. May we be reminded of our blessings…remembering the privilege it is to have them, the opportunity to laugh and enjoy them, and the responsibility to raise and love them.
With great love and humility,
Adrienne Crawford
Detroit, MI
12.17.2008
Hope for Children
So if you click the title it will take you to an article in the NY Times about Obama's pledge for money for early education. (After you click the title, it takes you to an advertisement. In the upper right hand corner it says in tiny white letters, Skip Advertisement...click that and you will see the article). I am optimistic about this program. I totally agree with the benefits of starting earlier. I don't think children should have to pay for the mistakes their parents are making... so hopefully education will give all children the opportunity to end the cycles of poverty, addictions, abuse, etc...
What are your thoughts on this program?
So I guess I should add some background as to why I agree with publicly funding early childhood education. First, is my experience with Halie. All of you who knew her and loved her knew that she was a child in desperate need of lots of things...but definitely education was at the top of the list. It was so frustrating trying to find her a school that not only would DHS pay for, but that was even worth sending her to. The school we ended up sending her to did a lot of great things with her... but it was in definite need of better teachers and resources. I know when I was applying for a job here in A2 for a preschool they were offering me $7/hour. We needed more money. I think our children deserve more qualified teachers...people who are making more than $7/hour. I know there was an amazing preschool in Tucson the other foster moms raved about...but there was a 2 year waiting list... So guess who ends up there? Tell me, what poor and/or uneducated or single mom/dad is going to start looking for a preschool when the child is 1 or 2 years old?
My second experience with early childhood education has been with Bentley. What he receives here in Ann Arbor is nothing less than wonderful. They come to the house, they work with him, they train me, and we are all reaping the benefits. We are living in a very wealthy and intellectually stimulated community where education is a HIGH priority. It will be interesting what kinds of services Ben receives in Detroit. Maybe that is part of the reason God is leading us there....maybe I will get to help raise a voice of awareness for our children. (And I do feel some responsibility for all children... I guess that's why I have such a heart for foster children... )
I just think all children deserve a chance because they are children. They deserve our efforts and money to help build them a future. God has totally put this on my heart. First, with the child who burst through our doors with a bright smile and a desperate need for love and now with our amazing son child with Down syndrome.
What are your thoughts on this program?
So I guess I should add some background as to why I agree with publicly funding early childhood education. First, is my experience with Halie. All of you who knew her and loved her knew that she was a child in desperate need of lots of things...but definitely education was at the top of the list. It was so frustrating trying to find her a school that not only would DHS pay for, but that was even worth sending her to. The school we ended up sending her to did a lot of great things with her... but it was in definite need of better teachers and resources. I know when I was applying for a job here in A2 for a preschool they were offering me $7/hour. We needed more money. I think our children deserve more qualified teachers...people who are making more than $7/hour. I know there was an amazing preschool in Tucson the other foster moms raved about...but there was a 2 year waiting list... So guess who ends up there? Tell me, what poor and/or uneducated or single mom/dad is going to start looking for a preschool when the child is 1 or 2 years old?
My second experience with early childhood education has been with Bentley. What he receives here in Ann Arbor is nothing less than wonderful. They come to the house, they work with him, they train me, and we are all reaping the benefits. We are living in a very wealthy and intellectually stimulated community where education is a HIGH priority. It will be interesting what kinds of services Ben receives in Detroit. Maybe that is part of the reason God is leading us there....maybe I will get to help raise a voice of awareness for our children. (And I do feel some responsibility for all children... I guess that's why I have such a heart for foster children... )
I just think all children deserve a chance because they are children. They deserve our efforts and money to help build them a future. God has totally put this on my heart. First, with the child who burst through our doors with a bright smile and a desperate need for love and now with our amazing son child with Down syndrome.
12.12.2008
Real quick update
I realized after I posted the pictures of our new apartment in Detroit, I failed to tell you all our new plans! Most of you know this, I think.
So we are moving in with our friend Scott. He has this place downtown and his roommate moved out. So we are subletting from him. So basically we are just taking our beds, clothes, and things for Bentley....we'll be here for 6 months and then we are going to figure out what we'll do next. A lot of depends on where David is placed for his 3rd year rotations. He is hoping for Detroit Medical Center or for Henry Ford Hospital as they would offer him the most diverse experiences. We'll see what God has for us. :) So after the 6 months we'll have some decisions to make...sell the condo? Rent the condo? Live with people in a house? Get an apartment? As you know, Detroit isn't exactly the safest city...in fact it has been rated the most dangerous...and if GM and Chrysler go under before the end of the year it may become much more impoverished and dangerous. (Pray for a miracle). So we do need to be wise about our decision on where to live downtown.
I am getting excited to move down there. I'm actually not scared and I am looking forward to the change...plus having David so close will be soooo great.
So yeah, enjoy the pics!
So we are moving in with our friend Scott. He has this place downtown and his roommate moved out. So we are subletting from him. So basically we are just taking our beds, clothes, and things for Bentley....we'll be here for 6 months and then we are going to figure out what we'll do next. A lot of depends on where David is placed for his 3rd year rotations. He is hoping for Detroit Medical Center or for Henry Ford Hospital as they would offer him the most diverse experiences. We'll see what God has for us. :) So after the 6 months we'll have some decisions to make...sell the condo? Rent the condo? Live with people in a house? Get an apartment? As you know, Detroit isn't exactly the safest city...in fact it has been rated the most dangerous...and if GM and Chrysler go under before the end of the year it may become much more impoverished and dangerous. (Pray for a miracle). So we do need to be wise about our decision on where to live downtown.
I am getting excited to move down there. I'm actually not scared and I am looking forward to the change...plus having David so close will be soooo great.
So yeah, enjoy the pics!
our new place part 2
So that building you see straight down is the grocery store! Not bad, eh!?! I will do most shopping at the Eastern Market...but for canned goods I can go there.
Here are our bedroom windows.
So next time I will take more pictures of the building and the apartment.... I just LOVE these AMAZING windows...they bring in soooooooooooo much light!
Our new apartment!
This is a view of the living room...the windows on the left look out the eastside of Detroit and the ones straight ahead look out over the River.
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Here you can sort of see downtown Detroit.
11.25.2008
11.24.2008
2 amazing videos
I usually like to spread out cool things to watch...but I am going to post 2 amazing youtube videos. :) Obviously I get more alerts to these types of videos now... but I really enjoy watching them. These two cases are totally different than ours...One is a trisomy 18 baby...if they make it to birth, they don't live past a year. And the other is a combination. Anyway, I just think that the kids are amazing.
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