life as a mom

I am really enjoying being a mom. I love brushing her hair and putting it up in pigtails, pony tails, and braids. I love the way she smells after her bubblegum bubble baths. I love that she wants to say goodnight and kisses me.
She has this smile that makes me weak.
There are times when she makes me crazy because she won't put on her stupid pull up...but when she finally puts it on and runs out, "Look, Mom, I did it!" All I can do is wrap her up in my arms and hold her.
I think about what it means to truly lift her up to Jesus. My friend, Cindy, made a good point. We must lift all children up to Jesus. We can never hold on too tightly for we never know the number of their days. What does this mean- offering them to Jesus? My mom suggests I dive right in- I have no idea how long she will be with us- why hold back at all? Well, I hold back from time to time to save myself from the agony of watching another one go. The only hope is that there are more.... more children who need a safe place. Will I ever feel used and exhausted by these children?
I wonder where Jesus is going to take us. I love looking back on my life and seeing His plan laid out...what will this turn out to be? Will we be that family who took in 20 children over the years or will we retire early. Part of me wants to jump ahead just so I can look back. Why is it that I would rather jump ahead and look back than take in the moment and take advantage of all that I have? Is it safer to look back than to live now? Looking back requires nothing. Well, it requires us to see our mistakes and attempt to prevent the same in the future. However, living in the moment requires a huge amount of faith that God is going to take me through all the struggles. I think one of the things I need to work on is living in the moment and trusting God in each current situation. I think God is asking me to allow Him to be a bigger part in the smaller things. Rather than make decisions all day long alone, or with David's guidance, He is asking me to call on Him. I think it's so easy to trust God and follow Him on the "big" stuff- marriage, adoption, job choice, relationships, etc... What about- so I have the next hour free- what should I do? I think God really wants me to call on Him for direction. Being romanced by Christ is so much more than the "big" stuff. It's in everything.

I also want to mention that I probably brought up adoption prematurely. I have no idea how long it will be until we are at the place when they will need us to say "yes" or "no". However, we are praying about it and getting to know our little one more and more. David says foster care is like dating and adopting is like marriage. I got angry and said, "It's not at all the same because you wouldn't marry someone just because no one else would." (I was referring to the fact that maybe no one else will want to adopt her.)
He said, "Exactly."
I understand what he means. So I guess we are dating the little one. Adoption, like marriage, is forever. So even though I won't really know the next step for awhile, you can always pray that God reveal His plan to us.