brace yourself

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted! So the honeymoon phase is over. Tantrums have officially taken off! Wow- this little girl can throw a tantrum! So far, nothing we can't handle. :) However, consider yourself fairly warned if you have the opportunity to see such things!!! Other than the tantrums she is doing great. :) She likes her preschool. She seems to play well with others.
We have amazing support from family, friends, our church community and scool. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
So, what's up with the brace yourself--- that's what you all want to know!!!
Her parent's rights were severed yesterday. Yep, it's official- she is not going home. A vary rare scenario in the foster child world. So I emailed her case worker just to see if we are an option. She writes, "YES!!!! I didn't know you were considering adoptiong H! You just made my day!" So now David and I have a big big decision to make.
So far this is where we are: We had already decided maybe the military isn't our best route for medical school funds. Imagining time apart does not sound fun. We can take out loans and then after medical school David can serve in an "underserved community in AZ". There are a few options- Tucson, Nogales, Casa Grande, Green Valley, etc... So this changes a few things... no babies for awhile and I have to keep working. However, with H in school it won't be a big deal to work and take care of her. We also still will receive an adoption subsidy and I think insurance until she is 20.
I fell very anxious. I know we both really want to adopt her, but this is a very scary decision. It will effect us- forever. I also love her so much and I can't imagine saying no. Ultimately, it's what God wants. So God, what do you want?
Please pray for discernment. Please pray for H. Please pray for us.