me, the rebel :)

Lent.
I have known people through the years to give up something for the "40" day time as we walk with Christ to the cross and then to his resurrection on Easter. They have given up chocolate, soda, caffeine....tried different diets....or a new exercise program... I haven't participated in lent in the past.
On Wednesday, I was marked with a cross with ashes on my forehead at a local service. I started thinking about what I might give up. Nothing seemed appropriate to remind me of Christ and His sufferings and compassion for me. I thought of things I could add to help my walk be more fruitful. It just didn't seem to work out in my mind of how I could celebrate the season. I shrugged it off thinking, "Baptist don't celebrate Lent in this way anyhow."
Fast forward to today.
I am getting ready for work and the daunting task of makeup presents itself....I looked up at the verse from 1Peter on my mirror, and thought about makeup and beauty and all that stuff I have struggled with since the tender age of 10. I reflected on a conversation last night... We were at the Raymonds and talking about a woman who was married on national television who was recently burned with 3rd degree burns all over her body due to a home fire, her 2 young daughters (both under the age of 3) also suffered 3rd degree burns all over their bodies. Their deformed faces and bodies will never be the same. We then were talking about Kelly (from Regis and Kelly...because it was on their show) and how she walked down the aidle in a beautiful dress, with her tan skin, blonde hair, beautiful face, and perfect body. I thought about her three daughters and said, "I feel so sad for the girls, because they need a mom....someone who looks like a mom. The magazines destroy a girls view of beauty enough, we don't need it from our moms too." In my mind I reflected on my stepmom and the body she perfected with hours of exercise and diet pills, her acrylic nails, high heels, and her perfected hair and makeup. I never seemed to measure up.
So as I was thinking of applying my makeup, I stopped. I didn't put it on. And David loves that. He prefers the natural me.
It's so frustrating to quit wearing it because people ask me if I am tired and sick. I have given my friend and acquaintances a face that isn't the Creator's gift....and they don't recognize me.
Since it's not all about me anymore and I have this little life growing in me I find it important to offer my child something real.I work with teenage girls...all of whom don't think they're smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, or good enough. And I want so much more for my family....but it has to start with me.
So I am thinking of my 40 day fast (well 38) to be one with the face God gave me. The face I don't see as good enough without the eye shadow, liner, and mascara. The one that I feel ashamed of.
And so I am going to rebel against our culture's idea of beauty....and allow my face to remain free of products and my belly to grow large, and my inner beauty to carry me through.
Oh, Lord, help me....and may this not be a 40 day rebellion...but a life changing one.