During my depression I was finding it extremely difficult to enjoy my kids. It seemed like all they did was need and I didn't have anything to give. Their struggles with behavior escalated with my impatience and anger. I watched all these moms at the park lovingly push their kiddos on the swings and I just wanted to leave mine and go somewhere...anywhere. "Excuse me, would you mind watching my kids too while I just run to Starbucks?" How many times did I rehearse that?!?!
Then just as the sun rises over the horizon, so the light began to break darkness in my life. Just as the rose bushes went from being nothing but twigs to green with leaves and bright pink flowers, the flower of my soul awakened.
The kids and I have had the BEST week! I feel like we have found our rhythm. I never thought I would struggle with depression and I didn't even realize how bad it was until this week.
A couple weeks ago I was sharing some of my struggles with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years and she said, "Adrienne, I have to tell you I am really excited for you! I think God has amazing things in store for you. Really, I do." And I think she meant it, and I think she was right.
We've started going to a new church in Detroit called Messiah and recently sang this song:
"Beautiful Things"
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
chorus:
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
chorus x3
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
I think you get what I am saying.
Maybe I'll even start blogging again. Who knows!?!?
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2 comments:
Adrienne,
I was looking for your moving post and found this one instead. I am so glad I found this first. Life is so funny? You touched my heart. I know I went back to school to escape my kids and find a little peace and separation. It added so much to my life, good and bad, but ultimately, I knew God was leading me home. This summer I really hated how much distance school really created: a rift in my responsibilities, my marriage, and I was literally gone from 8am - 8pm, m-f. Steve was a single dad, but her learned how to play guitar(my new sister wife, haha) and he is playing in the worship band every other week. I am so proud of him.
Misery loves company, but I am sad to know that you had the same feelings I did. Running and fleeing a primary thought. I am glad this has passed, for me too. Some days are better than others, finding joy in the little things. School really helped me come home and find my purpose again, teaching my children and being present in the moment. I love you and I wish we lived closer, so we could have a little starbucks time and cherish the little monsters in all their adventures.
Maegan A.
Adrienne,
I was looking for your moving post and found this one instead. I am so glad I found this first. Life is so funny? You touched my heart. I know I went back to school to escape my kids and find a little peace and separation. It added so much to my life, good and bad, but ultimately, I knew God was leading me home. This summer I really hated how much distance school really created: a rift in my responsibilities, my marriage, and I was literally gone from 8am - 8pm, m-f. Steve was a single dad, but her learned how to play guitar(my new sister wife, haha) and he is playing in the worship band every other week. I am so proud of him.
Misery loves company, but I am sad to know that you had the same feelings I did. Running and fleeing a primary thought. I am glad this has passed, for me too. Some days are better than others, finding joy in the little things. School really helped me come home and find my purpose again, teaching my children and being present in the moment. I love you and I wish we lived closer, so we could have a little starbucks time and cherish the little monsters in all their adventures.
Maegan A.
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