the process of discovery

Since we made the decision to move to Tucson in October I have made lists about what I am allowed to think about and when- this way I don't get overwhelmed trying to do it all at once. Although I am far from perfect this works pretty well for me. Last month's goal was to enroll the boys in a small elementary school that would provide the services Bentley needs and follow the model of inclusion aka mainstreaming, as well as, be a good fit for Clayton and Lily. The inclusion model is a federally funded law that calls for children to be in the least restrictive environment. I am not some hippie mom trying to cause ripples in the water- the water has already been rippled by the generation before me- it's just that this cause is slow moving. Education in this country is not a thriving system. There are constant political debates about it- lots of discussions about money- so if you enter a child that has a disability there can be some reluctance to changing the policies of education. Research shows that mainstreaming children with disabilities is best for all kids- kids without disabilities learn to communicate, develop empathy, learn to be helpful and compassionate and all sorts of other great things. Kids with disabilities are with their typically developing peers who help them learn life skills, educational skills, and learn to have social interactions. It's a win win. There are some school districts and charters in this country that are doing this very very well. I happen to have Bentley enrolled at one of the charter schools- The Grace and Lee Boggs School.

When I was 22 and about to graduate college and get married I didn't have a job. I had a degree in International Studies and Spanish which provides no future in any specific field. At the time Arizona had emergency certificates for people with degrees who would teach and go to school to receive their teaching certificates. I printed off a long list of Tucson charter schools and began calling them all the way down the list to find a job. No one wanted to hire me. I kept that list and I'd call back from time to time until I eventually got a job teaching. Thankfully in the meant time I worked at a medical office as a scheduler for 6 physicians.

When Bentley was born the early on people came out to our condo in Ann Arbor and made a plan with me for Bentley and I followed their plan until he was 3. In Detroit I was so frustrated with the public school system's approach to special education I pulled him. Eventually I called every preschool in my area and found one that would accept Bentley. This ended up being a wonderful preschool that Clayton attends now. He didn't have a special ed teacher or speech or ot, but he was with his peers, and it was good.

I've written a lot about the finding of the Boggs School. What a blessing that has been.

I met with a new friend and mentor for lunch yesterday and we had the most amazing conversation. I am so thankful for someone that fought so hard for her son  and has well rippled the waters to provide opportunities not only for Micah, but for many children who would otherwise be separate. She is amazing.After my meeting with her- I went to Bentley's annual IEP meeting and walked in late to a room of 7 people all there to discuss my son. It took my breath away. At the Boggs School I am not afraid of IEP meetings because I know that they're on Bentley's side. They want to provide him with a rich inclusive education- sometimes even more inclusive than I'd require!

I find myself feeling like that hopeless 22 year old looking for a job. I knew I wasn't qualified, but I knew if I was given a chance I could learn to become a good teacher. I know that Bentley is not what you think is an ideal candidate for your school- but if you give him a chance to thrive in your school I think he'll become a great student!

I have called every charter, several affordable private, and a gander of public schools in Tucson who are all currently enrolling for the next school year- and guess how many want Clayton and how many want Bentley? "Well, I am not sure about your son with Down syndrome- you'll have to talk to the school psychologist/special ed teacher/principal/ and see. But we would love to have your kindergartner." No joke. I love my son Clayton- but I'll be damned to send him to a school without his brother. I do change my mind about these things- but in this moment- right now- I want them together.

Enrollment season is a season of excitement and anticipation and wonder- it's a time to dream about your child's teacher and friends and activities. But for a mom with a special need's child it is a reminder of how unwanted my child is. My famous quote in the Bentley video and radio interview was, "we wanted a school that wanted him." And I still believe this. I don't want to convince you that you want Bentley in your school. He will bless you- not curse you.

And so I say this- whether you are carrying a child with Down syndrome and you are new at this- or you're an educator- or a pastor- or run a camp or facilitate a play group- take in my child. If you're reluctant- that's ok- it'll pass. But don't be afraid of the unknown. Welcome in what the world has named the least of these- and allow this burden to prove his or her blessing upon you. I am so glad I did.