I, too, was once a slave bound by sin. I was living my life in the darkness of the enemy. Slaving away to his scheming plans of building his kingdom here is just like the Israelites slaving away to build Pharaoh's kingdom. They had no freedom, no opportunities, no will to choose.... until Moses. Although my opportunity to follow Christ was made way centuries before I was born- I had to choose and whether I will stay in the darkness of slavery or faithfully and loyally walk into the Promised land.
When I first became a Christian I was unaware of all the things Scripture had to say... I found myself wanting to drink in all I could. I would read and read the Bible- absorbing every truth and every thought and every promise. I see this happening in the lives of the Israelites- anxious to hear from Moses all that God had told him.... wanting so desperately to know God. Yet, still prone to their sin of turning away they made idols in waiting to hear... How often do I turn to yet another idol while waiting to hear what God has to say to me? "Lord, you're too slow! I need my answers. Where are you Lord?" I demand. I ask questions. And when I feel abandoned I, like the Israelites, turn away. Even when scriptures affirms me over and over again like in Deuteronomy 31:8 "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." However, I do get afraid and I do get discouraged and more and more so as I move away from His promises and into my brokenness.
But the Lord is constant and he advises as again and again- as in Joel 2:12 "Even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." And so I return. Broken for all of my faults- my sins- my pains- longing to be built again.
God's commandments are a reminder to the Israelites their inability to achieve holy perfection. His word reminds us the same. Yet unlike the Israelites who must return again and again to the knee deep blood of the shed animals for their sins we have our sweet Jesus Christ who has shed his blood once and for all. The freedom to know that faith in Him is enough to be clean is only fully understood after studying the original sacrifices for sin.
I am often baffled by the ways of God- confused by knowing God is all forgiving and yet strikes Aaron's sons dead at their disobedience and by those associated with Korah in Numbers 16 when the earth swallowed them up, and grieved by Moses' response to disobey God when he struck the rock rather than speak to it- thus leaving him to never enter the Promised land.
I am awed by God's sovereign hand protecting the Israelites in His holy wars as he moved them through to the land that was promised. I am comforted by Exodus 14:14 "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
When asked if I agreed with God for not allowing Moses to enter the Promised Land I had to answer that I didn't. My human mind struggles to know the ways of the Lord- desiring for His forgiveness over and over again rather than acknowledge His wrath and His holiness. Again I was reminded that God didn't deny Moses entrance into the heavens, but only into the earthly land... His disobedience was not enough to separate Him from God forever- or even at all- but the consequence was not leading the Israelites into the promised land... Moses was given the opportunity to train Joshua knowing His time to lead on earth was over which was itself a reminder he hadn't been cut off.
As I think about the promised land concerning the Israelites and parallel that land to the Promised land of Christ I see how my faulty thinking has it's own set of consequences- though not enough to separate me from the love and forgiveness of Christ.
God has saved me from my slavery, and He has written His laws on my heart, and I am trying so hard to not wander aimlessly through this world- I don't want to pass 40 years in the desert of loss- I want to move forward with a Kingdom mind and heart to do all that God has for me and my family. Yet again and again I wander away from Truth- from Life- from Holiness- and into my own will centered idolatries that do nothing but harm. And yet again- God patiently and lovingly beckons me back under His gracious arms and into His loving heart.
Though the Lord has not taken me to a mountain to look out over His heavenly kingdom as Moses was able to see at the end of His life- He does give me glimpses into the Kingdom of God. I look at my six year old son with Down syndrome who the world has decided is not compatible with life and know that He was knit in my womb and brings a mystery of the kingdom to those who know and love him- I see the hands of trained medical workers give up large salaries and a life near family in opportunities to train hundreds of medical workers in east Africa where genocides once reigned and countries were left with literally no speciality doctors and few general doctors- I see those longing to bring justice here in this country to those who have been denied for centuries. I see the greatness in small offerings and the beauty in caring for the weak... and all those moments are shining light into the Kingdom of Christ that sets the world on its head declaring His rule and His reign are here and now and we get to walk into that freedom.
Though I stumble and wander-I return. I return to my first Love- to my Abba who I am reminded through the life of Moses that I am loved, comforted, protected, and guided. Though I want to fight my battles using my own strength to bring forth what often are my own desires I am humbly reminded again and again of those words in Exodus- which I think brings me back to the center of this study. The reminder that my stillness is the results of my faith in knowing that God Almighty has me in the palm of His hand- that though I walk through life and trudge through pain and experience persecution I am equally safe, protected, and guided and I will hold these words close to my heart forever:
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
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