your work matters

Money has this funny way of determining our value. A person who has a high paying job is worth more than someone who has a low paying job. And when I say "worth" I don't mean monetarily speaking- I mean how they are valued in community. Some jobs obviously require more intellectual skill, time commitment to acquiring that skill- but that shouldn't change our value.

David is a doctor and I often avoid telling people his position at DMC because it changes how they see our family. Whether the change is positive or negative- I'd prefer that my husband's occupation not change the perceptions of others- particularly our value in community.

Last Sunday a man collapsed outside the sanctuary where he often is standing greeting everyone with a huge smile and handing out the weekly bulletin. There was a loud crash and then a yell from a member naming the person who had fallen. David quickly rushed to the back of the room with a few other medical professionals to care for the man. During the 15 minutes it took the ambulance to arrive one of the pastors prayed fervently for the care and life of this man, the other pastor lovingly finished his sermon- meanwhile those with keys prepared a way for the man to eventually be led out right through the front of the church (as that is the location of the ramp), the medical team took what care they could of him- and people I am sure were praying and caring for their beloved friend. When the EMS team arrived and took him out there were a lot of tears, prayers, and love- it was this beautiful picture of a community that values beyond arbitrary values. The man I speak of has a developmental disability- he's older- he is probably devalued in the broader community- but in his community- in his church he has value. All the people that came together to care for the larger church as they sat silently wondering what would happen next- needed to do their tasks- their jobs. At one point someone said, "He's in good hands- there's like four doctors out there." It struck me a little- yes, I am so so so comforted that my husband is a doctor and can help at times like this.... but I don't ever want his value to be elevated because of it.

David and I have been living on very little income our entire marriage. There were years when we didn't go out to eat, get a hair cut, buy new clothes, etc... As income started coming in at the beginning of residency we set a budget- part of the budget was a separate debit card for me to make sure I didn't overspend buying diapers and then all the "oh but it was so cutes" at Target. I still have access to the other accounts, but I budgeting is a weakness so this was a good way to be responsible- though I still snuck some unnecessary things on the other accounts... I don't earn an income so by definition many would say I don't work. "What do you do?" I am always asked. Usually I say, "Nothing- I stay home with our 3 kids." Though I should say-- I am a chef, a laundry mat service, a counselor, a pastor, a house cleaner.... I just don't get paid in money. My payment is immeasurable smiles, cuddles, kisses, and laughs. On a serious note though- there are days it feels like David's money and I am lucky enough to spend it- I don't even have to do anything for it! This adds a dysfunction to our relationship because then he's either my parent saying yes or no to spending or simply my ATM- but not my partner in finances. So in a starter conversation we began discussing what it would look like to see the money as our money to save, spend, and give away. It's not just the money and how it is spent or saved, but it's how he sees me as partly earning the money in the sense that I take care of things on the home end so he can go be a doctor and earn the money we need to live- but neither of us is more valued than the other... It comes down to value- our values in this family are equal as husband and wife- not what we bring to the table. the end.

Today was Bentley's last day of speech therapy at the Wayne State University speech clinic. He has been going for over 3 years. Every semester he has worked with a different student. To be honest, they all blend together- I can't remember a single individual student- except for Nan. I'll never forget Nan. This semester Bentley began working with her- she's short, extremely energetic, fun, thoughtful, kind, encouraging, and motivating. She and Bentley bonded. You may remember I wrote my lament about Bentley not being understood/valued/loved last fall. I wrote that it wasn't about that particular speech therapist- because it wasn't- this one however, is. Nan is a student working to become a speech therapist. She'll probably make OK money- but she will work hard for it. But it's not about the money- it's about the value. Nan opened my son up this semester to all new possibilities. He flew threw his goals. He listened to her, laughed with her, played with her- enjoyed her. All semester long people have commented on Bentley's speech progression- it's been so encouraging! So today when it was time to say good- bye- Nan handed off Bentley- quickly walked away, and turned back at least 4 times as she escorted her next client- almost as if to soak in the fullness of Bentley to stamp him in her mind and in her heart and then turned the corner. Bentley of course is unaware of this eternal good bye and laughing and pulling my arm- and I'm left standing there to choose- choose to have a tearful breakdown or suck it all in and walk out. I chose the latter.

As I sit here and think about our work- what we do- I am struck by the beauty of the woven tapestry. Whether you're the teacher or the student, the high paid professional, the out of job one, the therapist or the client... your work matters. Your value to the community has nothing to do with your pay check, and everything to do with your gifts. The money comes in and goes out, but it's the impact you make on others that lasts. So make your impact and forget about the fleeting money because this world is in desperate need of more valuing of people and less valuing of finances and things.