Brothers and other random thoughts

Bentley and Clayton have really become best friends. It's so fun having the two so close together. They like to copy everything the other one does. Yesterday Clayton accidentally hit his head on the fridge so Bentley purposefully bonked his head on the fridge. Today Bentley tripped and fell at the zoo so Clayton threw himself onto the ground! The copy each other all day long.... the good and the bad!

I really enjoy having 2 little boys that are so different. Having a typical child like Clayton so close in age to Bentley really has helped me not struggle with Bentley's delays. I think if it were just me and Bentley I'd always be comparing him the kids his age. Clayton allows me to experience the development of a typical child in the time frame that one would expect, while Bentley allows me to treasure each stage of development much longer. With Bentley I don't feel like my boys are growing up too fast... I feel like I get to enjoy it all!

It will be interesting to see the differences in the boys as they grow up in our home. How will Bentley's Down syndrome make him different from his brother? And I wonder what is Bentley's personality that would be there anyway. How will having a brother with special needs change Clayton? Will he be more compassionate, loving, and accepting? I think the answer is yes... but obviously he doesn't show these characteristics yet.

Obviously I think Bentley is a gift to our family. God has given us a child that will forever change how we view people. I never spent time around people with special needs- I didn't know anyone with Down syndrome. I wonder what it would have been like growing up with a sibling with Down syndrome. As a mother, it has truly encouraged my heart to love and care about Bentley in a special way. Watching Clayton so easily develop while Bentley struggles truly changes me. Bentley fights much harder to do things, while Clayton tends to give up more easily... and the reality is that he can... because in time he will be able to do it too. But for Bentley it is important to push him to try and try and try.

Some people say that children with special needs are angels. This really doesn't have any theological grounding, but I think the idea is that God gives us people to shape our hearts to know Him more intimately. Surely these children teach us to care for others in a way that would not natural develop. Eventually the sweet infant turns into a child and then grows into an adult--- the cuteness of the needs eventually fade away and sometimes the individual becomes much more needy. How does this shape who we are and how we see God? Sometimes people say things like "he suffers from Down syndrome". But I have to ask... is he suffering or are you allowing yourself to suffer through the opportunity to care for someone sacrificially? Perhaps it is an opportunity to become less selfish and see life as one goal to accomplish after another and just take care of each other. I don't see Bentley as a child who suffers. (I would like to say that there are children who suffer from different things, and sometimes I think our choices to continue with medical care far after the family should have let go does promote suffering... but that's a whole other issue... )
I don't think God sees Bentley as a mistake or as a child that He messed up on. I don't know why he gave us Bentley, but I am thankful for him. I do know that having Halie prepared us for Bentley (as a side note).

Sometimes I hear my friends worry that they will have a child with Down syndrome based on their questions about prenatal genetic testing or just based on comments I get on a regular basis. Sometimes it hurts my feelings because it makes me feel like I have an unwanted child. What is about having a child with Down syndrome or special needs that people don't want? Is it the time that you have to put into raising the child? Is it your selfish desires about what your family will look like or what your child will accomplish? Is it just because having typical children is easier? Because here's the thing: I didn't mess up. I didn't drink alcohol or do drugs during my pregnancy. I didn't put my baby at risk. He was just born this way. God knit him together in my womb the same way he knit Clayton. So why would I want a Clayton more than a Bentley? I think that's not a Biblical desire for Christians. Sometimes I think we have all these desires for our families, but God is just asking us for our hearts to be steadfastly devoted to Him and to advancing His Kingdom now. Does Bentley have the ability to do that? Absolutely. So why would I want any other child or have any other desire? I think sometimes Christians have this sort of dual life. Like part of them just raises kids and teaches them to be kind and share and all that- but I know a lot of people who are not Christians and do that too.... and then they go to church and worship God. But I think the life we are given is to be focused on one thing: advancing the Kingdom of God here and now.

I had no idea I had so many thoughts to write about! I just wanted to put up some pictures of the boys. :) I guess after a trip to the zoo with people staring at Bentley got me thinking....


Enjoy the sweet twins. :)

the return to cloth diapers

As many of you know I faithfully used cloth diapers with Bentley until he was about 17 months and then again with Clayton until he was about 7 months. There are a lot of benefits to cloth diapers. 1. They are cost effective 2. They are much better for the environment 3. They are the "thing to do" now 4. They can be really cute! There are a lot of reasons why people don't use them 1. They create a lot of laundry 2. You end up dealing with a lot more p**p than if using disposables 3. They are inconvenient- bigger diaper bag, more diaper changes, more time consuming

So I took a break for about 18 months and I have been buying disposables. When Clayton was born I was dunking one of Bentley's soiled diaper in the toilet- Clayton was screaming and Bentley was getting into the toilet paper and I just needed to stop. Well, recently I was writing to a friend the benefits of cloth and the most cost effective route to take when I saw that they have this thing that I call a booty sprayer. It allows you to spray down the diaper instead of the traditional dunking! So this got me thinking it might be a good idea to pick up my cloth diapers again. I also have been thinking about potty training and I hear cloth diapering can encourage potty training because the kids don't like to feel the wetness and begin to understand why we use the toilet. Finally, a side comment about how our trash isn't so bad- and that more than half of it was diapers.... I couldn't believe I was causing so much trash! When using disposables I don't change them super often because they do hold a lot of pee without causing a rash.... feel bad for my kids!
So while we were in Portland, I bought the booty sprayer and snappi clips to come home and get started. And yesterday was a success! We made it through the day! I feel very excited.
Also, after dinner Bentley was in his chair and stood up and started grabbing at his pants and whining so I picked him up quickly, told him to "hold it", threw his clothes off throughout the living room and plopped him on the potty- it was a little late for the pee, but the kid p**ped in the toilet!! I couldn't believe it! I am so excited. I hope that he is starting to get this potty training thing. :) I am on a slow progressive route with him rather than the more aggressive potty train in a day idea. I do ask for you to pray for me in the arena of patience as I learn how to communicate potty training. I really don't want to get angry when he doesn't tell me he has to go.

So encourage us in this new endeavor!!


A note to anyone who is interested in cloth diapering:


There are a lot of different options out there in terms of cloth diapers. Many places that sell the different diapers will give you a diaper seminar to learn all the different options.

We choose the cheapest route. We do the classic prefolds with covers.
Initially we only had the proraps. They are the cheapest and most plain. The only bummer is that you have to buy the different sizes, so it actually might not be the cheapest.
I recommend the thirsties duo wrap. You only have to get 2 sizes and they come in cute patterns and covers.


If I had more money and I could do whatever I wanted I would do the bumgenius all in one diaper.


Hope that helps!

this is what I deal with, seriously!

I was trying to get a picture of myself to put on facebook since everyone like looks a pregnant belly... but my husband kept interrupting my photo session!

lately

I haven't put up pictures from Bentley's third birthday and our trip to Arizona.... so I guess I better do that!







Helping Daddy in the yard!




At Grandpa and Grandma's house.... getting ready to blow out the candles!


So proud of himself!!!






At the zoo a visit from the Peacock was a highlight!




Clayton loves the zoo!




with Auntie Caroline!



with Uncle Mark!




Bentley in his beloved RAIN BOOTS!


Clayton!


Bentley and friend, Austin. My college roomate, Sarah's older son.


Bentley and Me!

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Bentley and Clayton on Bentley's birthday!



Chris playing with the boys!

into the wild and thoughts on denial

So today I watched this movie called Into the Wild and I really liked it. If you haven't seen it and want to without knowing the ending... don't read this post. :) Although I saw it after I knew the ending and I still enjoyed it.

So the movie has a lot of negative criticism because the main character denies society by going "into the wild" of Alaska without a map and ends up dying because he eats a potato root which is very poisonous. Many see the journey to Alaska as a death sentence and don't think he should be viewed in such a heroic light. In my opinion, he did what he did and it sucks that he dies, but I still think the internal struggles that are portrayed are worth examining and writing about. So I am going to do just that.

The thing that really got me thinking about posting a blog was a song that's in the movie called Society. (I will add the Youtube video with lyrics at the end of this post!) The song talks about how society is so greedy and how we won't be really freed until we have it all... like we live in this state of always wanting more and so the peace of not wanting more never arrives. Later in the song there is a powerful section that talks about how wanting less isn't necessarily the answer because your whole set of values is still based on stuff... just having less of it. The song doesn't lead you to an answer of where you should put your focus or attention... but that it definitely shouldn't be on having stuff.
So now that you all get the foundation of my post I can actually articulate my thoughts!

So the movie is based on a true story about a kid who appears to have sincerely struggled with society and the desire to get more and have more. It appears that he lives a simple life managing to save $26,000 through college which he gives to a charity before he goes on his adventure. Before he goes to Alaska, he goes on a 2 year trek around the United States and into Mexico on a voyage to vanish off the map. Many reviews that I read about the movie are people wishing to do that- sell everything they have and go be hippies on the open road.

Before I continue my thoughts I am going to add a story that will help you all understand my story a bit more. :)

So this movie reminded me a lot of my dad who is probably the closest person I know that really is a hippie. When he was 25 he and 3 buddies rode their bicycles (before they had mountain bikes!) from downtown Detroit to La Paz, Bolivia. It took them a year. Around the same time period he also taught English in Taiwan, climbed a bunch of mountains, and started a bike ride that still exists today in California called Sea to Summit. This past year he has ridden over 10,000 miles on his bike throughout the country. I love hearing his stories and it's kind of fun that my dad loves the freedom of the open road. But I also know that it is not a life that is to be romanticized. It's pouring down rain, wet and cold; 100% humidity in 100 degree weather; it's hurrying to the finish before the hurricane gets there; it's loving sleeping on picnic tables; and sometimes really lonely.

So I just want to say that I am proud of my dad for having his adventures and being one who has continually tried to deny society in his own way.... but I also want to offer another way to have the same thoughtful framework without having to deny it all for the open road.

As a Christian, the idea of denying self is pivotal to my faith and signifies my allegiance to Christ. Obviously I fail miserably every day, but desire to keep working at it. One of the greatest things that I long to deny is stuff. As I mentioned earlier, having or not having stuff is insignificant- it's the foundation behind the desire. I must ask myself: why do I want this? What void is it filling?

My desire is to be all consumed with Christ and not desire anything outside Him. When we are consumed with Christ we are able to cast off all the falsities of this life- we are able to find ourselves in Him- knowing that we are walking in light of salvation and working as agents of recreation. In other words, my denial of stuff is a recognition that those things won't fill my voids and won't make me happy. And also that by not spending money on those things I can give more money to aid organizations or churches or people who are in need.

When I think of the movie I can't help but connect the idea of going "into the wild" as a state of mind rather than ditching it all and going to Alaska. Staying in Detroit and choosing to connect with the poor and the struggles here is kind of like my "wild". It's my rejection of society and the American dream. It's my clinging to Christ and the life that I see Him leading our family into. As the main character meets lots of people on his rode journeys- so I long to meet people here and share stories... and most importantly, the love of Christ.

Admittedly, our trip to Africa this year was an attempt to try and go off the grid and deny the desired life.... and seriously it was the most difficult adventure of my life. But I still see the possibility of us returning to Kibuye to continue the work there...both in the hospital and in the church. But even if we never get the chance to return, I know that I don't have to go finding adventure because we are in it... now.

Anyway, I really liked the movie. It made me think a lot about wanting to deny the things that are filling voids... but only because they draw me closer to Christ and not because I want to be a hippie. (That's my struggle!)

So watch the movie and see what you think. And to all my Christian readers out there... let's help one another continue to walk into the life of righteousness.... "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

on a little boy with glasses

1.

Bentley graduated from the Early Intervention Program this past spring and was promoted to be part of an ECDD (Early Childhood Developmental Disabilities) classroom. There was a misunderstanding when we did the exit interview in June. I thought they were going to place him in a classroom, but they thought I wanted to put him in a Head Start and not do an ECCDD classroom. So I have been making some calls, but no one knew if he was placed or where, so finally on Monday I went downtown to take to the Special Education department at DPS.... turns out he wasn't placed. The school I wanted him in is less than a mile from our house, but it is full. So they placed him at Outer Drive and Gratiot which is like 5 mi. away and takes 10 min. at least. It is also well located in the Hood. Yes, we live in the Hood, but I know this place and I feel comfortable here... I don't know that area of town.
When I left the building I felt so discouraged. I called the teacher at the school where I want him and she will let me know if a child doesn't show up within 20 days and maybe Bentley can have that spot.
David and I have been very outspoken about our desire to send the boys to the public school because we believe it is a valuable way to be part of transformation and change in this community. I was really looking forward to getting my foot in the door and meeting more families in this community in a setting that is equal- we both are sending our kids to a school- and not me handing out a backpack or a flier- or trying to get to know a person without having anything in common.
We have been praying for God's wisdom in where to send Bentley to preschool for several months. It has been a very long and painful process for me. Don't we all long to send our children to the best schools with the best teachers so that we can help them be the best? Well, I am faced with that in my 3 year old. Research shows that what we do NOW will echo greatly into his future. Well, right now we live in one of the poorest cities with one of the worst educational systems... so what am I supposed to do with that? Trust in the Lord. I hear the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit... Cast all your fears on Him for He cares for you.
So finally I submit to sending Bentley to the local public school and it doesn't even work out! Blah!
So here's what's cool about God and Bentley and Me. God is continually showing me that He is in control of Bentley- perfectly guiding His will for my child's life. I am praying through if God intends for us to keep Bentley home another year. Kristen Selle (who is special ed certified) has offered to work with him one on one 2x a week.
Join us in praying this weekend about preschool (since it starts on Tuesday!) And continue those prayers as we seek the Lord in how to best care for Bentley's education over the course of his life.
I will try to keep you posted.

2.

Bentley has been receiving physical therapy services for about a month at the Detroit Institute for Children (DIC). He has been approved to begin speech and we are waiting to hear back about occupational.
It's interesting because in the DPS school system they didn't see a need for physical or occupational, but at the DIC the therapists have made his needs clear.
He's been receiving the services on our old insurance which I fear we will lose very soon because David has an income and we have new insurance. Our new insurance is in network only and the DIC is probably not considered in network. So you can guess where I am going with this...
I am earnestly praying daily that somehow in some way God is going to work this whole insurance thing out so Bentley can continue to receive the services the DIC has to offer. He is really benefiting from the DIC and I really want to keep him there.
If all goes well, he will be receiving physical therapy once a week for one hour. Speech once a week for a half hour (unless I can get it upped for more) and occupational 2 x a week for 1 hour a session.

3.

As many know, Bentley had a minor surgery scheduled for Monday to open the clogged tear ducts in his eyes. We arrived at the hospital and got all dressed down for surgery- talked to several doctors- the attending anesthesiologist was talking with us when Bentley coughed a very labored mucousy cough. She looked at us and said, "This child is sick and I cannot do surgery. I am sorry." Apparently it is dangerous to put a person under anesthesia with a cold (if you have the choice to wait) and putting a child with Down syndrome under with a cold is even more risky because of his low muscle tone.
Choosing to even do the surgery was a whole process for David and I. We spent most of the weekend in agony over it. David just couldn't decide if he wanted to put Bentley through it- there are severe risks- low risks- but risks. Our friend Matt was over on Saturday and he is an ENT (ears,nose,throat) resident- so his first year is all surgery- It was such a relief to hear from someone who sees several patients a day put under anesthesia... and sees them wake up. He was very comforting. He is going to be a great ENT. :)
So... we decide to go through the surgery and what happens?!!? He can't have it.
At first I was frustrated that it couldn't just be done anyway. But as the day went on I realized that the Lord's Sovereign hand was once again upon our family.


I think God is refining me to trust Him more with my children... especially Bentley. Bentley has so many more needs than Clayton and I go through seasons where it feels like all I am doing is making phone calls and scheduling appointments- These things are good to do, but I have to remind myself that I am not in control of the outcome. I humbly and faithfully am asked to care the needs of my family, but I cannot control the result. This is the reality of every parent. We guide our children in the way of the Lord, but we cannot make them do what we want- and I cannot make others give him what I want him to have.

And so we faithfully do what we can then trust.

How is God refining you?

thoughts of late...mostly about money

In true "adrienne" fashion I got a group commenting on a facebook status update I posted yesterday that left me wanting to say more.... but not on my facebook page! So my comment and then the responses are as follows:



"Did you know that you can spend $150 on a hairbrush? Seriously? There are seriously people dying of starvation everyday and you can spend Did you know you can spend $150 on a hairbrush??? Seriously? There are seriously people starving to death every day and you can spend $150 on a hairbrush?!? That's ludicrus. Just sayin'.


o
MCP: Remember this is relative, Adrienne. It seems exorbitant to me but to an even poorer person than I, spending $5-15 on a brush might seem frivolous.

o
EM: I had a similar thought on my bike ride downtown this morning as I passed numerous "luxury cars". Talk about a waste of money! But as Monna said, I suppose it is all relative. If you are rich, maybe a $40,000+ SUV seems like no big deal.
o
JC: Maybe if you have hair to your ankles you need this. Or if you have a hair brushing business....which sounds like a good way to spread lice!

o
KR: But you get free shipping so... :)

o
JV: to the idea that it is 'relative'... isn't that really part of the problem with the segregation in this country? that the rich isolate themselves from the poor to the point where they never have to see or experience or care about their suffering and can meanwhile live in a bubble where a $150 hairbrush becomes normal?

o
MCP:‎@JV - there are also rich people who contribute significantly to those in need and still have enough to buy a ridiculously expensive hair brush. I just don't happen to be one of them. LOL.
13 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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ME: JV- you summed up my feelings so eloquently. Thanks!





I couldn't stop thinking about the comment on relativity last night.I know this is a common thought about money and spending. Money can be such a taboo subject. As long as people are being generous with their money, that's all that matters, right? So if you make $150,000/year and give away $20,000 then you are being more than generous and how you spend the other $130,000 should be up to you... right?

I am just not sure I agree with that. Now before I go on... remember I am talking about the CHRISTIAN... just for clarity.

So we know that all things belong to God.... including our money. And we know that we are to be generous and that "to those whom much is given, much is expected."

So I just wonder if those who make more money aren't supposed to have a greater contribution to poverty, etc..

The reality is that even some of our jobs are not paid equally. And so if you make over 6 figures as a doctor, but my friend makes $40,000 as a teacher.... both are called to be generous, but I think the doctor who makes more money has a greater opportunity to share his/her wealth.

I just get so tired of seeing people drive around really expensive cars or wearing expensive clothing or buying an expensive home and then justifying it. I wonder if you had the opportunity to live among the poverty in Kibuye, Burundi or even Detroit, MI- would you spend your money the same? After watching a child die because his mother couldn't get him to a hospital fast enough on foot- would you really spend your money the same?

I might seem like a pharisee- but I think someone needs to bring up this topic. And the truth is as I am writing this I am not thinking of anyone that I wish would live differently because I get that I don't really know what checks you write in private. But I just want to keep it on our minds and hearts that there are a lot of people in need and there are a lot of organizations in place to help those people. And there is a lot of opportunity to reach out to the needy in your area.

So I urge us to stop justifying our spending (myself included!) and look at how we are spending our money in connection with the condition of our world. Are we ever justified to overspend?

Anyway, thankfully we serve a God who offers us grace through Christ Jesus. So through grace and out of worship may we allow our money to be spent as if we actually believe it's all God's anyway.

Love you all.


Oh and read, "Giving to God" by Mark Allan Powell

on relationships

Well we are getting settled into our new house. It takes a long time when you know you're gonna be at a place for awhile... I want to find a place for everything to go... and I am definitely NOT there YET!! I absolutely LOVE our house though. I love the lay out. I love the yard. I love that we have space to have people over a lot. These past few days have been so great as people have come over daily and been able to enjoy this place God has provided for us.

However, I do greatly miss our neighbors on Van Dyke Place. We lived there over 2 years and were able to form some really great friendships with people on our block. I remember when we first moved in our friend Matt had everyone in our small group draw a map of their block and write the names of the people who live there. By the time we left I had almost every house named! The Thursday night potlucks allowed us to have deeper friendships with our neighbor Keisha and her kids Kiki, Kimani and Kashila. Even though we are only 1.5 miles away, it seems soooo far! They don't have a car so either we all walk or I drive over there. It has to much more planned than me hearing the kids running around outside and coming out to see them play.

This week we are doing the summer camp at church and Kiki has been walking up her siblings and 2 other neighbor kids daily and volunteering. She has been such a GREAT help! She's 16 and going to be a junior at Martin Luther King High School down the street. Since we have known her so long and so well we have decided to ask her to babysit the boys weekly during our Bible study group and pay her a small amount.

This is really significant for a few reasons. First, I don't trust just anyone with my kids. ;) So for that reason, I am so thankful that God has allowed us to grow close to this family where we are able to offer one another love and assistance. It's not just us moving in and doing this for people, but us moving in and really neighboring and becoming friends with people here. When I first moved to Detroit I had no idea what to expect and if I'd ever be close to anyone because it's such a foreign culture, but God is faithful and we have made some amazing friends. The other significance is in that is just another sign of God's faithfulness and love and ability to transcend people who might not have ever come into contact with one another and join us brothers and sisters in Christ.
I'll try to get a picture of her on here soon!

vacation with my hubby

David and I had a GREAT time with the boys up North! Here are some pics from our time.

David's graduation

Here are some pictures from David's graduation! We had a great time! He had a big crew from the family come to support him including his grandma Johnson, Crawford grandparents, Aunt Ginger, Aunt Linda, Uncle Roger, Mom, and then more were able to come join us for the dinner in Mexicantown, Detroit!
What a great day!

on 4th of July

I am definitely the scrooge of 4th of July. I've never been a into celebrating it. I spent many summers in Spain or out of country somewhere... so I am sure that's part of it.
As much as I love Detroit, I HATE certain holidays here because it literally sounds like a war zone for a few days... and when you're shooting off guns along with fireworks it's not exactly safe. The last 2 nights our neighbors shot off the loudest fireworks I've ever heard until after midnight... David and Scott are working crazy hours and haven't been able to sleep well. Poor guys!
So even though I am the scrooge of 4th of July, I think I am justified. Did you know in 2010 the US spent $952 million dollars on fireworks for 4th of July? So while 8 million people will die this year (or 20,000 yesterday) from poverty we are out spending almost a billion dollars on fireworks for what? A weekend? A day?
My other problem lies directly with my neighbors here in Detroit. I'd say that 95% of my friends that are from Detroit receive some type of public assistance- food stamps, housing allowance, monthly money, etc... I know my neighbors struggle to pay for field trips, uniforms, etc... So explain to me where they got the money to light up the street for 2 days???
There is a lot of nostalgia involved in how we celebrate 4th of July. I think we like to do what our families have always done. So my hope is to raise my children to enjoy the day with some delicious BBQ and lawn games, but definitely skip the fireworks....
I guess the more that I realize that we spent an exorbitant amount of money on unnecessary things (Super Bowl commercials, fireworks, war, etc...) I just don't want to be involved. One of our pastors gave an excellent sermon last week that discussed some of these very issues... as in when we sin and don't know and what we do when we become aware of it... You can listen to it here.
Anyway, don't go too hard on me if you disagree, I am exhausted and my emotions are high in pregnancy!!!

Just think about it. :)

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your kingdom come

I wrote this post up North in my journal and totally forgot to put it on my blog.
(6.15.11)

There's a group called, Enter the Worship Circle (ETWC) and I really like them. When I was in college I received a CD in my mailbox anonymously and it was a mix of ETWC and a group called Speed Thy Servant. The music has been a continued sources of inspiration for over 10 years. ETWC, has put out several albums since, which I continue to enjoy! So on the album, "4th circle" there's a song called, Never Again and I have been thinking about this song a lot lately. The lyrics begin with the reality that the Lord's children are suffering. If you've ever sat with someone who suffers or experienced a culture infused with suffering you'll really understand what I am thinking about today and if you haven't had that experience, I urge you to reach out to someone or a people who suffer. I don't feel the need to describe what I mean right now because I want you to come up with the person/people based on what God puts on your heart and not my interpretation. :) I will get there though- so think about it! In my life I have endured a couple situations that were painful, but through the Lord and His using people I made it through. And I definitely needed those people to help me through those trying times. But what is really on my heart are those who suffer daily without hope of a rapid intervention. Detroit is a really broken city with generational poverty, lack of education, affordable housing, dignity, stability, etc... I have learned over the last 2.5 years that most women from this community have sold their bodies at one time or another... and it has been expressed that this is a normal way of life and many expect that I (or any woman) has done this at one time or another. Seriously. Currently I have heard that we graduate about 17% of seniors from HS. The life of many children in Detroit experience is one of suffering. Divorced or never married parents. Half siblings. Bad education. Poor diet. Absence of Dad. A stressed mom. A littered city. Danger. Drugs. Gun fights. Theft. Exposure to sex at a young age. Etc... This is a result of generational sin. both in the choices of those who live here and sins that others committed against them (think about the history: slavery, racial tensions, white flight, laws against blacks, etc...).
Burundi was also a time God revealed suffering to me. War. No money. Little food. Witchcraft. Disease. Death. Lack of education. Lack of clean water. Lack of resources. Etc...
In both places I feel live I have been given an aerial view into the realm of suffering, but I definitely have a long way to go before I understand it more. Many urban "relocaters" (meaning people who move into the inner city who were not from those areas) who have done what we are trying to do in Detroit did it for over a decade- or 2 or 3 decades- and suggest that you stay where you are for at least a decade because that's the amount of time it really takes people to trust you and let you in.
Point being- I get the suffering piece from an academic standpoint, but I really haven't entered into the suffering of those around me in a way that I hope to someday. So I am not an expert, but I still have thoughts to share!!
So I was listening to that song and I was thinking a lot of things. First, we are comforted by the reality that God hears the prayers of his suffering children and His presence is there.
But the following line from the song is what got me:
"Wake up God. Move yourself. Wicked men crush your children. We pray. We wait. how long will you say... NEVER AGAIN!?!?"
It really reminded me of the Lord's prayer where Jesus has us pray,
"Your kingdom come" (matthew 6:10).

So often I. want. life. This life. Not the eternal life God promises to those who believe... this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the prayer Jesus taught me to pray doesn't say that. When God's Kingdom comes there will be no more suffering (Isaiah 25:8-9, 65: 17-25). And as a believer my desires should:
1. Be God honoring. 2. Be good for all believers.
This reality really has me thinking not only about what I pray for, but how I pray. As I mentioned it's OK to to like life, as long as it's longing for a life that honors God, and at the same time longing for God's will to be done. And for His Kingdom to come. And the beauty of what will happen is in many ways a mystery.... but we can try to imagine the wiping away of suffering and how incredible that is.

I guess the point is, that when we move past the academics of poverty and pain and suffering and you actually feel-even a little bit- for another person- and see into the life of poverty you can't help, but want that to end.

So I long to pray more for those who suffer and pray: your. kingdom. come.

This You Tube video plays the song behind a random slide show. You don't have to watch the slideshow, but listen to the song. :)

the end of an era

Many of you may remember when I posted this to give my readers a glimpse into our preparation for communal living. Well, two years later I am happy to say that this experience has been one of the best ones I have ever had. Many wonder if a group of married and single adults can live together under one roof. They can. And it can be really rewarding.
The past two years have been a time of great growth for me. Communal living is not easy and requires lots of time and energy poured into the relationships where you live. I feel like the first year was a bit house focused. We had a lot of kinks to work through... a lot of roles to figure out. Who am I in this mix of people and what do I have to offer? Why is everyone asking me all these questions about my life? I'd say it was a good first year, but definitely not as good as the second year.
A little over a year ago David pulled the BBQ onto the front sidewalk and invited all of our neighbors- I think almost everyone stopped by, but many stayed until dark to hang out. This was a pivotal moment in the mission of our house. A need was expressed from our neighbors for community. They wanted to do a potluck together every week! So for the past year every Thursday we have had our neighbors in our home for a community meal. It has been so special. And I am really gonna miss it.
This past year all of the mates in this house have really come out of their shells. The walls of privacy began to slowly fall and our lives were openly shared with one another. Tears of joy and sadness were openly shared. We were able to endure some really tough stuff... Three grandparents died while living in this house, three pregnancies have happened here- one of which didn't come without some scares. New relationships have started here- Scott found the woman of his dreams, and Micah is now dating an incredible woman from Ann Arbor named Jess. The boys really only know living in this house full of people who love, adore, and take care of them. The list of life experiences that happen among 8 people in two years goes on and on and on.
I'd say the biggest answer to prayer and proof of the Lord's faithfulness was my relationship with Leigh. Perhaps one of the greatest challenges in communal living is the relationships among women. We can be sort of territorial. Also, she was working and I was home. She didn't have kids. I do. She likes things really really clean and orderly, I am a little messy. ;) I can say with a bit of confidence that if we had gone to the same high school or college we probably wouldn't have been friends. By no means would we have been enemies. We just would've been into totally opposite things (I think). But our husbands became good friends and then we moved in together!! With great prayer and hope God renewed a friendship within us that really grew over the past year. Leigh actually loves a lot of the same things I do. Some of our greatest times were leaving the boys (little and big!) and heading off to dinner and a movie, or pedicures, or shopping. We had some great times just doing girly girl stuff. Also we became stronger sisters in the Lord- praying for one another and caring for one anther's spiritual well being.
So by the title and because you probably know what's going on in our lives you also know that Chris and Leigh moved back to Grand Rapids last week. Both their families live in Grand Rapids and they are having a baby that they want to be near family.
When you spend as much time as we did with others you begin to really love them and they become a very significant part of your life. It was really difficult for me to let them go. I kept hoping they would stay in Detroit and buy a house near us. ;) But one of the things I know about life is that you have to let people go, even when it hurts.
I have no idea what kind of relationship we will have with Chris and Leigh over the years... I hope way stay intimately connected, but I don't know what will happen. At any rate I will never forget the two years we did communal living with a group of random people in a place that God made holy and a light for others to see.

everybody p**ps

It's finally spring here in Detroit, MI and it is BEAUTIFUL. David's dad has always said, "There's nothing like spring in Michigan." And I always thought, "It's not really that great." Well, after 4 winters I completely agree now. The reminder that God has not forgotten us and still gives us beautiful little things that spring up like small flowers and buds on the trees. Then all the sudden I look around and green, pinks, oranges, purples, whites, blues, are all I can see. It's quite beautiful. And for once, Detroit smells amazing.

The house is coming along slowly. We had a couple set backs... so we're looking at a 2 week delay at this point. However, David and Scott have been working diligently on projects. They built the back fence today so it's not open to the alley anymore. They have been working very hard.

I was really bummed tonight that our babysitter fell through and so I had to take the boys to our small group. It only took 45 min. for me to realize that was a horrible idea. So I hauled them home disappointed. When we got home I began the bed time routine... brushed teeth and plopped Bentley on his toilet seat on the toilet. He has been sitting on his little seat on the toilet for several days now... with nothing. Tonight I heard a little tinkle and screamed! I ran downstairs and grabbed the first sweet thing I could find... a chocolate cookie from Trader Joe's. I ran up and handed him the treat. I couldn't stop praising him. Next thing I know he has "the face" followed by 5 more minutes of bathroom movement. Well, it only takes the title of this post for you to figure out what my little boy did!!! He p**ped!!!!! I just can't bear to spell the word. ;) Because of the low muscle tone children with Down syndrome typically take a while to potty train... usually they're 5 years old. Bentley is at this really special stage where he wants to do everything that I am doing.... he mimics everything. So David and I decided we really need to work on potty training before we miss the window. How encouraging that he actually went today!

Chris, David, and Scott leave for Grand Rapids on their bikes tomorrow. It's about 170 miles. It's supposed to rain the next 2 days. I doubt they'll get far if it's cold and rainy. Kristen, Leigh, and I will join them on Friday night.

Potluck is tomorrow night, but since it's just us girls we've invited the neighbors to do a girl's night. It should be fun. I am gonna make a chocolate cake.

So that's all the news here.