Bentley's day on the farm

Bentley's preschool took a trip to the farm yesterday. It was absolutely delightful. So we arrived and the kids got to play on the giant playground for awhile. Bentley of course went straight to the sand box... and then the tractor. Then we rode on a hay ride for about 30 min. Then the kids all got to ride the horses around the field- Bentley was chosen for the mini pony! He LOVED it! Then we had lunch. After lunch they took the kids into this large barn area where they were able to do their "chores". They bottle fed the baby goats, lambs, and pigs. Then they hand fed everyone else. They were even able to milk a cow! They were encouraged to hold the baby ducks, chickens, kittens, rabbits, and pigs. They got to climb in the pens of the lambs, pigs, and goats. It was mass chaos and SOOO fun! I got a vision of what Bentley's life could be if he desires- working on a farm and learning to garden would be a great way to live. I will never limit what Bentley does- and he may flourish in school- but chances are it's gonna be a struggle to do the abstract work- so to see a way that I can encourage his development and growth in a hands on way was so encouraging! So get ready for this urban farm to expand!!

Bentley lining up on the wall at school

First up- TRACTOR!

Never was there a little boy with glasses who loved horses more than this kid. :)

Hay ride!

Horse ride!

So handsome!

baby bunny?!

baby ducks- which I did become brave enough to pick up!

bottle feed

hand feed

milking the cow

playing in the pens

family photos

Garden growth

Cold crops are coming in strong!!

Kid heaven

It's so fun to have a kid yard!! 2 big kid swings will be hung soon. The swing set will be built in phases- next year we will add the slide and platform and then in 2 years the playhouse.

connections

So a couple weeks ago David and I had the privilege of sharing our story with the 1st year medical students at WSU. The purpose was for the students who were finishing up their coursework in genetics to gain insight and compassion from families of children with genetic abnormalities. This was our 4th year in a row. I love this opportunity because it's important to share the joy of Bentley with others so that people can gain compassion and also see that he isn't a life that should've been terminated because of his disability. I feel very strongly that people with genetic abnormalities should be given life- that God knit them together in their mothers' wombs with a purpose. If a pregnant mother thought she couldn't handle a child with special needs there are many families who lovingly adopt and care for these children.

So my friend (Carrie) called me today to encourage me because she had been on a walk with another friend (Colleen) recently. So Colleen's niece (I think that's the relationship) is pregnant with a child who has an abnormality of some sort- the diagnosis is still unclear. Well either the pregnant mother or her husband was in the room when David and I shared our story. So they were telling Rich and Colleen about this young couple who had brought their son with DS to the panel and had shared their story and it was really powerful, etc.. So now Colleen wants to connect me with this young mom.

Raising a child with special needs has proven to be quite difficult. I can't read the normal parenting books and apply them to Bentley. In fact, most of the advice that I receive I get from a friend who has a son with DS. Bentley has a special gift that we call menacing. He is able to find anything in a room that he shouldn't play with and do just THAT. Just this morning he took a cup that Clayton had been drinking from and started to drink from it... typical.... and then he turned and poured all the water out... everywhere. Why? What was he thinking?!?! I am constantly thinking of ways to raise Bentley to be thoughtful, compassionate, independent, and obedient. He consumes a lot of my brain activity! My latest trial is to keep him close to me and bring him everywhere I go around the house and allow him opportunities to be helpful. He really loves to be helpful and do what I do, but he cannot do this if he isn't directly assisted. For so long I wanted him to be independent and be able to leave him in a room without destroying something- but this has proved failure over and over again. So I am trying to train him to successful within the limits that he is capable of (this is a very fine line).

Raising a child with special needs has also proven to be joyful. Bentley has a very tender and compassionate heart. Even in his stubbornness he will relinquish a toy to his fitful brother just to see Clayton happy again. He always greets friends with a hug and kiss. If given appropriate activities he will joyfully spend time alone playing. He claps for all sort of things I wouldn't have noticed.

Life is about connections. It's about connecting with another to continue in our fight towards righteousness. Bentley continually pushes me to pursue Christ and seek ways to love others more fully- to discover creative ways to raise my children in the Lord. The genetics panel allows us to share our story- the joys and the difficulties- with prospective doctors. Doctors are on the front line in diagnosing patients and their way of brining that information to families is vital in the families' responses. My heart is that people will see Bentley has a life that has value.... that the pursuit of having perfect children who go to perfect schools and have perfect jobs and marry perfect people would be challenged with the opportunity to raise a child that will rock your view of what life is all about.

Anyway, after a really rough morning with 2 very tired little boys it's a good reminder that children are a blessing. :)

And here's a recent goofy video of the menace.

on the mcropders

On Saturday Scott, Kristen, David, Lily and I went to a conference in Spring Arbor, MI. It's called CAHO (Central African Health Care Organization) and is established through the Free Methodist Church. There are a few key hospitals focused through this group- Kibogora, Rwanda, Kibuye and Bujumbura, Burundi, Nundu, DRC, and oddly enough, Haiti. This was our 3rd attendance at the conference (last year we presented as we had just returned from Kibuye). It was so refreshing to go- and quite miraculous that David and Scott both had the day off! Apart from the interesting speakers and ideas about missions, we were able to network and connect with some great people. The room was filled with people (mostly over 50) who have spent their lives in Africa offering health care and Jesus to the poor. It's quite humbling and inspiring.
So this is where I get goosebumps as I introduce a group of people that are of my age group and whose story is quite profound and exciting!
So during our final days in Africa David had the opportunity to go to dinner with a group of young doctors who were scouting several countries to see where they could move their families to begin a life of teaching and practicing medicine to the poor in Africa. At the time of David's meeting- it was still in process, but he came back to the place where we were staying with eyes beaming and full of energy as he described the possibility for Kibuye. And a year later the plan is in full motion!
So... 3 families (4/6 are doctors) with 7 young children along with 2 single people are currently fundraising and chucking their possessions as they prepare to go to language school in France for a year, followed by moving to Burundi with a plan to settled down for at least a decade. In that group of doctors there is an opthamologist, general surgeon, ob/gyn, interest, med/peds doc, and an ER doc. They will be working with medical students from Hope Africa University to train them. You probably remember from previous posts that Burundi was severely damaged after the civil war- during which an entire generation of education were killed leaving Burundi left with  few professionals. Training medical students (and other students) is more than a necessity- it's a must- an obligation. Currently Kibuye Hospital has about 80 beds for about 100 patients and EMI (an amazing Christian engineering group of missionaries) will be creating a plan to make it into a 300 bed hospital with room for teaching and taking care of patients.
The mcropders (a name made up of 3 of their last names) will be building a home for them to live in while a 3 additional homes are built adjacent providing a certain form of community living. There is a young teaacher who is currently raising support to come join the team and be the teacher for the missionary kids as well!


So you can read their blog or maybe I will write more later- but this is so exciting and so great I though you should all be in the know!

So some final thoughts:

When I asked the opthamologist about his chosen speciality he said he picked it knowing (as he had grown up in Togo, Africa- his dad was a general surgeon) that there is a huge need for opthamologists in developing countries. I just love that he thought first about what is needed and then said, "I'll do that" rather than doing what he wanted and hoped God could/would use it.

When David came back to our room that night in Africa and began telling me this story I got tears in my eyes and I said, "David they're so amazing. They are seriously giving it all up" (knowing that each of those families could be making around $500,00/year).

And he replied, "No, Adrienne. They're gaining it all."

on communal living

When I began blogging several years ago it was always my intent to be open and vulnerable about my life. I decided this because I think it is important foremost as a Christian to walk openly and humbly before others so that
1. I continue to recognize my brokenness
2. I allow others to pray for me.

So this is one of those posts I'd rather not write because I do have some shame in it and it's a difficult issue to convey via text (vs. conversation). However, it is one of the greatest things in our life right now and there definitely is need for prayer.

So about a year ago David and I began pursuing the purchase of the home we now live in. Initially Scott and Kristen had discussed renting from us for a year and seeing how it went, but after realizing that there were a lot of decisions that we had to make involving the renovating of a home decided to join us in the process and presented the idea of buying the house with us. We quickly accepted the offer as it aligned with our vision of communal living. The first few months were filled with major house decisions and hundreds of hours of labor to avoid paying a contractor to do EVERYTHING. But alas the move in day arrived and we quickly made this house, home. Over the past year we have grown very close to Scott and Kristen. It has been an incredible year.

However, Scott and Kristen approached us a few weeks ago declaring their decision to move out and find a home of their own. There is no dissension, no bitterness. There was no major conflict or fight. In fact, other than the normal stuff we have lived very well together - addressing conflict immediately and praying and taking care of one another. There aren't in a rush to get out as they are looking to buy a home in this community and there aren't a whole lot of move in ready homes in Detroit. (They don't want to renovate a home again).

So currently we are living in this transitional place where Scott and Kristen are actively looking for a home while David and I are continuing to fix this one up. Once again, there isn't any awkwardness, but it is a different atmosphere. If I am completely honest with myself this house probably wasn't big enough for 2 families that want many children. While we are currently on pause (but still praying through foster care or adoption or biological), the Selle's are just beginning (no, they aren't pregnant!) So instead of waiting it out and cramming in kids, they thought they'd get settled into their own place, preferably nearby. I don't want to share too much of their story, since it is their story, so I will leave it at that.

Since this is MY blog I do get to share some of my story. :) Initially I was super bummed- and I can actually look back and see I went through the "grieving process". So first I experienced shock and denial. When they first told us I didn't sleep and I was really sad. Shortly after came the guilt and pain. So I began to think of all the things I did wrong and I have just done this or that differently they would've stayed with us. Then came the anger and bargaining. This is usually where I would stop feeling- so my feeling was more like- peace out- go do your thing. And I wanted to disconnect. But I decided early on to pursue our relationship with reconciliation through Christ rather than my response without Christ. Then came the depression. So feeling super bummed and just not really sure how to proceed. So then things started looking up. I experienced reconciliation. After countless hours of meetings and conversations I was able to see that I was going to be OK. :) Finally, acceptance and hope. Yes, Kristen and Scott are moving out. And yes, we are going to be OK. And I have started dreaming up all the things I can do now that they are leaving! (Like, giving Lily her own room, putting my sewing machine on the third floor, getting a dog, not having to be so quiet in the mornings with the boys, etc...)

Perhaps if you are reading this you are wondering why it's such a big deal. So here's the thing- the Selle's living with us, wasn't a financial decision and it wasn't a quick decision- it was a long drawn out decision rooted in the belief that communal living is not only doable, but valuable. As I've mentioned several times, David and I got to experience the beauty of communal living in Tucson through our friends the Brunsons, Cepins, and Cheryl- a community house going on like 15 years together. They even have kids (2 in each of the families). So after experiencing it through those friends I really wanted it for my own life and my children.  To make it work there are a lot of things that you have give up though. I am going to list some of the things that I have experienced, but please don't read them and assume the Selle's agree or disagree- once again this part of my post isn't about them. :) I think you have to give up the desire for me and mine- as in my kitchen will look this way all the time (because with more adults there are more messes/need to clean up)- or my children- and don't you discipline them! (because everyone in the house has a determined authority over the children or else they would begin to take full advantage of the non parents). Every major decision (or sometimes even the minor ones) have to be discusses among at least 4 people rather than the traditional 2. Space. You give up a lot of space when you're sharing space with others. But with the sacrifices come GREAT gains- only cooking a few times a week, but eating healthy homemade meals almost every night! Consistently having someone around to talk with. Experiencing life with a group of people. After parties there are 4 people to help clean up and not just 2. (we have a lot of gatherings here!)

The next question people tend to ask me is, "Are you going to have someone else move in?" And the answer is, "I don't know." We still believe in communal living, but we recognize that it is quite difficult to find people actually willing to do it! We could rent out the third floor, but we aren't sure if we are going to do that yet.

So anyway, pray for us. Pray that there would be continued unity in the home. Pray that the Selle's are able to find a home near us that allows them to continue to be missional in this community. Pray that David and I would use the time after they leave to enjoy living alone (it'll have been 4 years! Actually we have lived with people a lot- Steven during our first year of marriage, then we had Halie, then we moved to Ann Arbor and lived in the condo ALONE for a year-- then came Bentley, then the whole time we have lived in Detroit we have lived with people).

So anyway, look forward to seeing a post with a dog in it. Ha.

Boys playing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUyn7i06PPw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

We should've bought a farm. :)

Lillian!

My mom has been bugging me to post pictures... so these are thanks to her!

easter egg hunt

The easter egg hunt was fun yet again! However, it was cold and rainy so barely anyone came. :( Here are some pics of the boys... pre hair cuts! Clayton is throwing an egg in the picture because our small group was in charge of spreading the eggs around the field.... good thing they didn't learn that there was candy inside until AFTER the egg hunt!!

date with Clayte! (and Lily)

One of my goals while Bentley is in preschool is to spend quality time with Clayton. This week I took him downtown to the people mover and we rode around on it... 2.5 times! Then we got off in Greektown and went to the famous bakery, Astoria

Once we got to the bakery I told him he could pick out any dessert he wanted... to which he replied, "Fruit snacks!" After double checking his request I pulled out some fruit snacks and ordered myself a latte and a biscotti. We had such a fun time!

.

random pics

Clayton and Lily before his hair cut.

The zebras were having so much fun!

of late

Lily rolls over!



Bentley has really been enjoying reading his Jesus Storybook Bible at the table. They currently love the story of Goliath and you can hear him saying "HA HA Ha" for Goliath's laugh. Our goal is to have the boys (especially Clayton) be familiar with all the stories in that book by the end of the year.

Oh and you get a glimpse of Clayton's FAVORITE thing... playing in the kitchen sink.