So much has happened in so little time! H came to stay with us on Friday and was to be returned on Saturday. Well, we kept her another day because it went so well. She warmed herself right up in our hearts. :) What a precious little girl. I've decided the greatest thing about a 4 year old is nap time!!! It is so nice to have time to myself- or to get more done around the house.
Anyway, we have decided to take her in. It will be a longer stay. I know there are going to be lots of obstacles, but I am looking forward to what happens. I do have to mention it was extremely difficult to take H back to the shelter this evening. We tried to prepare her by discussing that she would go back for tonight and that we will be back for her tomorrow or Tuesday. All was going well until the lady opened the bolted door to H's prison. She began to scream and gave David and an unforgettable look. It was so hard. The lady had to peel her off of me. Hey, I have had that happen before.... ahhh!!!! Anyway, it took everything in me to not go back and get her.
Our pastor's sermon played an instrumental part of this whole foster care thing. Eric was talking about the cost of discipleship. He asked us a couple times throughout the sermon about what our personal costs. Immediatly H's face came to mind- as well as N's. For me, the cost of discipleship is loving these kids without ever receiving anything back. It is giving all I have in each moment and knowing that they could be gone in an instant. It has been really hard when I experience the pain of loving. When I have the kids around my life is full of joy and happiness in seeing the kids excited. However, when the time has come for them to return I get a pit in my stomach and my time with them feels pointless. I think God is really asking me to offer H to Him. He wants all of her...and he wants me to release trying to control her destiny. I am anxious to see what this looks like. He really spoke truth about this tonight during worship. I love to worship Christ and I am often very moved through worship. He just reassured me that the kids are in His control...and I have to believe this as TRUTH- especially when I feel there is no hope for the kids.
Anyway, I love loving H- and I look forward to loving her for a long time. I will let you know more about what it means to offer H to Christ.
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