A short walk from our home leads into....

what is Truth, what is ok to change, and how do you know/

Recently a friend of mine wanted to discuss whether women should lead ministry and other such hot topics about women. I tend to be more traditional in my thoughts about such issues. Although it's easy for a few reasons.
1. I don't want to be a pastor of a church.
2. It's easy for me to submit to my husband because I am encouraged to do so and because I trust him with our family. I don't always follow him without a a little struggle...but I know that I should.
I think such issues are interesting to discuss, although with all kinds of opinions I tend to not discuss the hot topic stuff because it's easier not to.

So I was talking with one of the men that comes to our Bible study. He has studied the Bible extensively and I wanted to know the debates. He brought up the most interesting thought. He said when he studies such issues he usually looks at the history of the debate. On the issue of head coverings...this has been a struggle for Christians for 1500 years. Many have pondered the reason for the text. Cultural? Necessity? However, the question of women in ministry has been a louder struggle for the last 75 years or so. I am interested in looking more into these issues and the thoughts involved to understand better.

I tend to read scripture and believe exactly what I read...so there is a part of me that wonders if I really should have a head covering on in church. But then I think of the muslim women who honor the head covering and then have skin tight jeans and shirts that leave little for a man's imagination. So one can follow the law, but miss the heart of the law.

The other thing is that if you start saying something is cultural then the Bible can become a book of suggestions...and everything is cultural.

I guess the whole Bible is really hard for me. I read it and then I try to apply it to my life and understand it, but I am left with so many questions. So then I think well if God leads me into this or that I will follow him. But then I wonder what kind of leader am I? How can I take from the Bible what God is leading me into and then lead a Bible Study? Who am I to take some of it and leave other parts? So does that mean I need to bring out the head coverings?

And these are only 1/1000000000 of my questions about things!!! If only I could connect my brain to the computer so that my thoughts would upload and then I wouldn't have siffer through them and figure out how to explain myself. :)

So yeah...a whole lot of randomness for you.

ask and you shall receive (lol)

So yeah, the game was AWESOME! MICHIGAN WON!!!!

lots of random thoughts

I went to an orientation on Thursday to see if I want to be a mentor to a foster child (14-17years) who is aging out of the system. The goal is to give the child another role model to help increase the success rate and decrease the risk of being incarcerated. I look forward to the opportunity and am hoping to be paired with a girl who I connect easily with.

God is moving me into the youth atmosphere these days! I was so scared to be a mentor or a leader, but He's been walking with me and it's starting to look like something fruitful.

I had another thought earlier as well. I have been seeing a lot of disabled children, and of course we fostered one. God is placing a desire in my heart for those with medical issues or disabilities. And so I was thinking about what that might look like someday...which leads to my next thought!

I was listening to Eric's sermon online about 1Peter. The part that struck me the most was...Where you are at...God put you there. Don't live in the past or the future....live in the NOW. So as I was thinking about the disabled children God may lead me into someday I heard HIm leading me away from my thoughts and to focus back on the now. What does God want from me today...or this minute of today. I am so guilty of living in the future. You all know I am always coming up with crazy new ideas...and they all take place in the future. But the important thing is to meditate on the now.

I love how when I am learning something new in my life it doesn't take place in one situation. But God takes all these conversations, sermons, books, thoughts, and intertwines them together like the threads of a quilt to get my attention and teach me a lesson. He never leaves me out there in a place where I don't get it...He makes sure that I hear what he's trying to teach me like 50 times and then I do the ohhhh I see, Jesus, and blog it online!!! Just kidding about the blog part...kind of.

Anyway, I just love the way He's been teaching me lately. What has He been teaching or showing you?

MICHIGAN FOOTBALL

David and I are going to see Michigan play tomorrow at the biggest football in the United States. 107,501 can sit in the stadium. SWEEEETTT!!!! One of the students in the youth group realized I hadn't been to a game and would like to, and he talked with his dad who had 2 extra tickets for us!!!! And then I was able to get my shift covered at work without even really trying!!!! This is such a treat.

So think of us tomorrow......having fun in the cold rainy outdoor Michigan stadium!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dinners are back!

One of the things I loved about Tucson was that in the last year we didn't eat dinner alone. We had people at our house about 4-5 nights a week and the other 2 we were usually somewhere else. Eating dinner with friends is amazing. The discussions that come out during a meal and the frienships that are strengthened are so special.
Upon arrival in Michigan we ate with family, but didn't really know people to invite, etc... WEll we have been working and slowing changing this!!! So Mon. nights Micah and Hannah come over! Friday nights we eat with Ellie and John, and then Luke, Katherine, and Ben when they can. Now we are starting Thursday nights at the lodge! (The lodge is this really cool building near the church with that rustic looking furniture and a big moosehead and moose antlers as a chandelier...totally Michigan!!! LOL) A potlock!!!! This came up with Dale and Julie last night. Soooo as you can see we are quickly getting in a dinner routine. I think God is going to do some really cool things in this community. He's already been ruffling some feathers! This is an assumption, but well to do people aren't ones to break down the privacy walls and be part of a community that is so open and accountable to one another. I think He wants to do some work here. so as we used to say in Oregon....YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW Let the fun and food and laughter and tears and heartaches and all that happens in community come!!!!!!!

I had a great time with the youth this weekend. We went to a camp up north called Center Lake. It was nestled among tall trees and a large lake. The leaves are red, orange, yellow, and green. It's quite beautiful. One of the high school students said, "God is so cool. He gave us these beautiful trees and put leaves on them...but he didn't leave them green. He must of thought to himself, 'when fall comes I will have the leaves change colors and really bless others with their beauty." And then she paused, "I would have just left them green."
Some highlights of the retreat were: playing games with the kids, climbing the wall, and beginning to get into some deep conversations.
Three of my regular girls at Bible Study came up to me at the end of camp and said, "You have to be with all four years! You can't ever leave." I felt warm and fuzzy inside!!!

God has been teaching me a lot lately. One of the things He is walking me through is quite difficult. As many of you saw in a recent email, H is not doing well. I was able to get an update and it was quite overwhelming. So I called Sue and in between tears fought the words, "I don't know what to do anymore." And she said, "Do you think it's time to let go?" The quesiton that I feared most.
God is asking me to let go, but it's the details that are the hardest. Ok, she's yours Lord. I won't pursue her and if you want her with us you will work your plan.
And then I find her picture in my journal, do you want that too? Yes.
You want her painting of our family? Yes.
You want me not to worry about her at all? Yes.
Letting go of something is extremely difficult. I have a whole new understanding for those who experience loss. Here I am 5 months after her departure and I still am holding on.
I have been sharing this experience with many for a few reasons. The biggest is so that I can be kept accountable.

Typical

moments you hope will never end

After going to the apple orchard with some of our friends we went over to our friend's John's parent's house. There were John and Ellie (married 1 year), Steven and Lindsay (married 5 months), and Hannah and Micah (dating). First, the girls and I sat around the table and asked questions about our relationships, and other topics...

then we all sat in the living room and started talking and laughing so hard our stomachs hurt.

I looked around the room and thought to myself, I wish this moment would never end.

How to lead?

Bible study was amazing last night. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!! The girls really opened up and we began talking about the endless struggle with beauty.

I think a major theme I found was this: God made us to long for beauty. We love looking at beautiful things...and so in that longing Satan decided to twist our thinking. And so now our longing for beauty is quite damaging. I challenged the girls in this. Obviously it's a mentality change...how do we change the way we think about beauty? The girls came up with a challenge this week and we decided to memorize 1Peter 3:3-4. What a great group of girls!!!!


There are 4 leaders, 3 of which where there last night. I am struggling with the technique of leading. I think it's important to present questions and allow the girls to answer...and then continue leading them on their journey through more questions. I like to challenge their responses with more questions to keep them thinking.
Others like to share their struggles in order to relate and show the girls that we all struggle.

I have a couple questions about the latter. How should we present ourselves to those we are leading? Should we attempt to show our best side and share a few struggles here and there? Should we "bare all" and be transparent? Should we only share that which encourages?

How do leaders deal with different types of leading?

I know I have readers out there who are leaders!!! And readers who have ideas.... so SHARE PLEASE!!!

And the reason for my questioning is quite serious as I have some concerns...so pray for us as leaders to connect and learn to work together.

I appreciate your thoughts, answers, and prayers.

biking is not for the weak

This morning I decided to go on a bike ride. No problem.. I walk all the time. So I wrestled the bike up the stairs from the basement and began my expedition. I rode from Green to Nixon over to Warren and on Warren for a few miles. I love Warren because it's almost a dirt road surrounded by trees and if you're lucky you'll see deer crossing. Then I turned right on Vorhies (Luke's st.) and then I turned right on Plymouth and took it home. The ride was about 10 miles. The last mile was a gradual hill. KILLER. At the top of the hill I thought I must have two controls for the resistance...and I looked down and my left handle had it's resistance set all the way! And I never put air in my tires.

Note to self: remember to change resistance and put air in tires.

a good worship song

I love this song! It really puts me in my place. We used to sing it at The Village. You can listen to it on the link provided. It's rough and uncut.
http://www.villagersonline.com/users/eric/music/The%20Deep%202007/
The Deep

Trust the Lord with all your heart
lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge him
and he will make your path straight
He’ll make your path straight

I acknowledge you are my savior Jesus
I acknowledge you are my lord
I trust you with my shovel
Knee deep in manure

Do not resent his rebuke
But what He knows he divides the deep
Divide the deep
He put the stars in their place
Laid the ground on which we stand
On which we stand

I acknowledge that you’re holy
I acknowledge you as king
I trust you eating gravel
And I will remain faithful

a prayer request/share your thoughts

As you all know, David and I love to travel and experience new countries. Recently we have been thinking about an amazing opportunity in the summer. We would like to experience Africa, and if given the option, Rwanda. We have been wanting to experience Rwanda for a few years. David would like to volunteer in a hospital and I would like to volunteer in an orphanage.
We could possibly go with World Vision or the Free Methodist Church...both present different obstacles. Next summer is the only summer David gets a break, so we would like to go for a month. We want to experience Africa on this short trip to perhaps prepare for life there.

If you could begin praying for us we would really appreciate it.

a great weekend with my mom

David and I had a fabulous weekend with my mom here. We ate at some excellent restaurants including Palios, El Sabor Latino, Habana Cafe, and a small restaurant in Ontario, Canada. Yummy!!!!
Here are some pics of our great time.



on our way to dinner after my mom arrive!


Palios has the most amazingly delicious food!


eating at el sabor latino


David and Uncle Dave at the Cuban restaurant


Ginger had us over for dinner and we celebrated my birthday!


My beautiful mom


I took my mom to the motown museum, but it was closed. :(





We are such a pair, aren't we???

In our weakness we are found

So I read the book we are going to use in our study with the young girls yesterday. It's small book with 9 chapters...all dealing with image. As I was reading the book I realized most of the truths that I underlined and thought about are truths that I still don't believe. I have struggled with image since I was probably 10. I have never felt pretty or thin...in fact, I found a journal yesterday dating 2002 with my raw feelings of ugilness and feeling fat. I read it to David and then I said, "I haven't changed at all in 5 years. " Most of my journals are filled with my deep longing for the voices in my head to go away. I had eating disorders...the whole bit. And so here I am still dealing with this weight of burdens and I am supposed to walk young girls through their journeys of beauty.
So I am going to have the girls make collages...one side being what God says about beauty and one side what the world says. I made an example yesterday.
With my struggle with image there are certain choices I have to make to keep myself from falling back into the disorders...I don't read magazines and I hide the mirrors. We don't have a scale. Well, to make the collage I bought ONE magazine. A fitness magazine... Women's Health. It was brutal making the collage. The world bombards us with images and quotes to makes us feel insignificant. The author highlights the necessity of make-up, hair products, and advertisements gives us a message: YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH. How many tears have I shed and how many boyfriends did I have and how many diets have I tried and how much money have I spent all because the advertisements worked...they made me feel not good enough. I have spent 15 years trying to FEEL thin and beautiful. And I am still not there.
The voices of culture, friends, and family aren't going to go away. It's a CHOICE to believe true things about beauty.
The whole thing must be so heartbreaking for God. He created us so carefully and so purposefully and yet we refuse to believe we are beautiful and have value. I don't know very many women who don't struggle with their image. I cringe thinking of the devil sitting smiling at how he has twisted our thinking.
Thankfully God only asks us of what we can do. So He must believe in me. :) And I think he is bringing me to a place where I will see the pain the girls feel in their attempts to fit in and feel accepted. Walking through pain with others is a very intense experience and it will hopefully bring me to a place of confession and repentance. I have confessed, but I have yet to honestly repent.
Jesus is so awesome because He wants us whole and he wants to use us in His great plan. And He slowly works through the rough spots to shine us up with His GLORY.
May we all work through our weaknesses.

an update

We put on shoes, socks, pants, shirts, and sweaters to embrace the cool weather. My cheeks are still rosy from our morning walk. We walked on a lovely path through tall trees whose leaves are beginning to change. My hands are still warming up...I think it's time to buy mittens.

Step into Africa is happening at our church this week. It's a World Vision experience to bring awareness to the AIDS pandemic in Africa. Yesterday I was at the church for several hours in the morning, and then went to a women's tea to hear about the effects of the virus on women and then volunteered at the experience in the evening. There are four children represented in the exhibit. You see photos of their homes, their families...their lives. You are stamped in the clinic with the result of your AIDS test. My hand still bears a red circle with a red plus in the middle. I have walked through the lives of two children...Babiyre and Emmanuel...a girl and a boy...both incidentally from Uganda. The experience is quite moving. There are many things about the AIDS crisis that I was unaware of...including the effects of poverty and how that accelerates the disease much quicker than in the US. I am learning a lot about World Vision...including their devotion to the lives of children...right in line with my calling. :) I find the non profit organization to be quite wonderful, despite my previous thoughts.

David and I plan to have a low key morning... I need to clean this pig pen of a home and he will study then we will reunite and go downtown to the Saturday Market and buy fresh fruits and vegetables for the week. This afternoon I work with one of the elderly women, and then at the restaurant. David will be going to watch the Florida/Tennesse football game at the youth pastor's home. I am bummed I can't go!

This week youth group starts and I will be working with frosh/sophomore girls. The chosen study is a book called Designed By God by Regina Franklin. I think it should bring up some important topics about image. Please pray for my time with the girls as I look to build relationships.

So that's the update.

a thought

We were asked to pray for someone's wife yesterday. She had an appointment today with the doctor. Reason unknown. We were told, "It could be bad." (Whatever that means.) The husband emailed a group of us this morning with an update that everything is fine. "God is good."

Does that mean that God is bad if the results had been negative?

taking care of the elderly

I finally found the courage to ask how her husband died. Was he sick or did it happen suddenly? The story she told me opened up my heart for the elderly and how they, like children, need people to fight for them and help them.
She woke up to find him sick. She didn't think much of it and began to clean up the mess. She soon realized she needed to call 911. The paramedics came and took him to the hospital. She didn't have her shoes and socks on so she didn't go in the ambulance. (This alone is saddening. How much would it have taken for a medic to help her with her shoes and socks to be with her husband.) She arrived at the hospital and no one could tell her where he was. She didn't know where to sit or what to do because no one would give her any answers...so she drove home. When she arrived back, the director heard her story and called the hospital to find out where he was. She deserved to be with her husband. The hospital told the director to send the woman back...accompanied by a family member.
It never occurred to her that he might die. He had had heart surgeries and worse symptoms and always came through. If only she had been there to tell the medics they shouldn't use the defibulator...or to tell them his history. She thinks about this day at night when she's falling asleep. If only she could have been there when he left this world.

I have been raised to fight for what I want. I don't go home and wonder where my husband is, I demand to see him.

There comes a point when we can't fight anymore. Where time passes slowly and everyday tasks take an immense amount of time to accomplish.

My experiences working with the elderly are awakening another part of my compassionate heart that hadn't been touched before.

We need to take better care of our elderly.

A Book Review: El Zahir

Yes, my first book review ever! First, this book was amazing. I really liked it. There was a section that I found thought provoking.
"To begin there was a city wall. The wall remained, but part of it was used to build a chapel. Many years passed, and teh chapel became a church. Another century passed, and the church became a Gothic cathedral. The cathedral had had its moments of glory, there had been structural problems, for a time it had been abandoned, and then restoration work had distorted the whole shape of the building, but each generation thought it solved the problem and would rework the original plans. Thus, in teh centuries that followed, they raised a wall here, took down a beam there, added a buttress over there, created or bricked up stained glass windows.
And the cathedral withstood it all.
I walk through the skeleton of the cathedral, studying the restoration work curently being carried out: this time the architects guarantee that they have found the perfect solution. Everwhere there are metal supports, scaffolding, grand theories about what to do next, and some criticism abou waht was done in the past.
And suddently, in the middle of the central nave, I realize something very important: the cathedral is me, it is all of us. We are all growing and changing shape, we notice certain weaknesses that need to be corrected, we don't always choose the best solution, but we carry on regardless, trying to remain upright and decent, in order to do honor not to the walls or the doors or the windows, but to the empty space inside, and where we worship and venerate what is dearest and most important to us."

I guess that isn't really a review...more of a quote... anyway

A Great Weekend

What a lovely weekend at the cottage! I was able to wake up one morning at 6:30 to take a picture of the kayak as the sun was rising. (Then I went back to bed!!!) I also dropped a ski and am learning on one now. HURRAY!!! I am trying to follow in the steps of the pros as seen in the pics above!

And the moon was a magnificent bright orange on Saturday night.

I admit settling back into life is a bummer deal. I like the tranquility and peace of the cottage. Coming home to laundry, cleaning, and reality... bites!

off to the cottage

I am soooo excited to go up north.

funny things old people say

Poppy to David: "Are you growing a beard or are you just lazy?"

Marcheta to me (the woman I take care of) in reference to a wedding card: " Well, I am not sure what to write. Hmmm How about 'Wishing you happiness and a long marriage,' now wait, he's 90... They have a lot of nerve, you know."


I am sure I will have more as the days go on! I love spending time with the wise.

A Prayer For H

Her hearing is on Friday...it's a placement hearing, and yes, our names are still going to be suggested. My prayer is for this to not last any longer and for her to go to her forever home asap. She isn't doing very well.

I HAVE A JOB

So...a year ago on a visit to Sedona my dad and I were on a beautiful hike together. He was talking about how he needed someone to do all his administrative work for his job. This would save him lots of time and then when he is home he can be more present with Keaton. At the time I was thinking how great that would be, but I was teaching. Well, I called him last week and suggested I be his administrative worker. Well, we talked for about an hour last night and we have committed to try it until the end of the year. Then we can evaluate how it's going. HURRAY!!! I am really excited.

Retail

Ann Taylor pays more than the preschool I was thinking about working at. Explain that! And I have an interview at Banana Republic on Monday!

tile vs. carpet

So as I was vacuuming, I started thinking about tile vs. carpet. I like tile because it feels like when you clean it you get all the dirt and your home is dirt free! With carpet I still feel like there is dirt in there....grrr! Also, tile doesn't stain. However, with tile one must first vacuum/sweep and then mop. With carpet one just vacuums. Tile is cool on the feet, and there's nothing like carpet on a rainy Michigan day...with that said, Charlie's feet also spot my carpet on the rainy days!
I like my carpet because I vacuum once a day and it looks nice in our home.
To end, I can vacuum my entire condo without unplugging the vacuum from the living room socket.

wisdom

I was on the phone with a very wise man yesterday. We were conversing about different job possibilities. I said, "It's hard for me to take a job that pays $8 an hour. I just feel like I am worth more than that."

He said, "Well dear, you can't measure your worth in dollars and cents."

on music

I began listening to music at a young age. My mother always had beautiful music in the home. She had different tunes for when she was cooking, cleaning, reading, writing, and enteraining. I learned about the joy of music from my mother.
During my lonely years I escaped to my bedroom and listened to various artists, each coordinated with my mood. Sometimes I would play the song on repeat so I could stay in the emotion.
Music motivates me. As a cheerleader, I tumbled better with a good song. At the gymnastic center I had control of the entire system so that I would tumble effectively! I have certain songs that I write with. I have music to read with, and music to cry with. I love it.
I have very special songs that I worship with as well. I love that God gave us music to love Him with. There is a connection that I make with my Father through song.
My mom had me take piano lessons at a young age and I loved it. I love the sound of the piano.
I watched a movie called The Piano today. I identified with the main character and her passion for the piano. I feel similar, but I can't make music. I just play it. I don't know what I would do without music. In fact, it was often my parent's grounding...no music...
Music creates a stir of emotion in the soul. Halie and I used to dance around...she loved music. I loved watching her turn circles at church as she floated around with her friends...enjoying the genuine music at the Village. Maybe I passed on to her the ability to treasure a song.
Music is healing.
Music is my refuge.

on jobs

It's been a frustrating move to Michigan in terms of job hunting. I am interested in doing all kinds of things to make money. I think the biggest challenge is my self esteem. I know I can walk in and get a job at a restaurant, or find a decent nanny position, or work at any retail store in the mall. I also know I can get a job working with children at a day care. The common denominator: none of the jobs pay more than $10/hour, and the majority pay around $7. Yet I feel much better when I am offered a job even if the pay is low. After some time working for low pay though I start to get depressed that I am not making more...I realize not only do we need more, but I have the ability to make more.
Family and friends have also been encouraging me to look at better options including social work, Applied Safety, and the University of Michigan.
For the last couple weeks I have had NO idea what I wanted to do. Nothing was drawing my attention. I viewed everything as a "stupid job." I have been praying for direction and for a pasiont about something. Yesterday afternoon I decided to pursue the University of Michigan. It's hard for me because I will be rejected many times, but I know once chosen for a job it will be worth it. So pray for me during this process.
I'd also like to note that I do have direction and purpose in what I want to do! You all know my biggest passion and what God has called me to do in this life is to be a Mom. So finding a job apart from what I want so badly is also a shocker to reality now. I know God is faithful and I know He wouldn't give me this deep passion if He wasn't going to do something with it. Thus, it's a time of great faith for me.
Oh and p.s. on the prayer blog... I have found my prayer life to thrive on my morning walks. I am glad I found Steven's prayer blog YESTERDAY. I had no idea it existed. So now I can pray specifically for him. Maybe we should set up a family prayer blog and we can submit various prayer requests and then we can be praying for specifics. Hmmmm
I love you all!

How do you pray?

I have been thinking about my walk with Jesus a lot lately. It's been a hard transition because I had a safety net in Tucson. Not only was it the routine, the job, the church...but I had a mentor, a small group, and a counselor. It's overwhelming to even write that because it makes me look like such a mess! I am a mess. Sue was an amazing mentor because she asked the hard questions and was an amazing encourager. She spoke truth to me and was helping me find my identity. She really helped me see my gifts and was really helping me meet Jesus. My pilgrimage group was solid and met twice a month for over a year. We prayed together, laughed together cried together. It was in those quiet moments that I was able to weep over N and H. And they were able to help me weep and also help me realize the gifts and safety we offered the girls. And Julie counseled me on my past. She was really helping me see how the past changed me and helped me see why I do the things I do...and she was helping me break the patterns. So each element of my relationships in Tucson was intricately layered to help me grow in both my relationship with Christ, but also in how I treat myself and others.
So I have been thinking about what I will do in Ann Arbor to continue working forward. And I started thinking prayer. Prayer is profound and mysterious. It is promising and it is solid. It can calm the storms in my soul and give me the fire I need to move forward...and yet I so often neglect to be faithful in prayer. It is probably the biggest obstacle in my walk. In HS I kept a prayer journal so that I could look back and read how God was faithful in answering my prayers. That is a cool journal to read over.
The reason I think prayer is so important for me right now is because it is me meeting with Christ in a quiet place...and there is a big part of that which frightens me. I am an extrovert. I do well working through my struggles with people...but battling with Christ and confessing my sins alone seems horribly lonely.
Sue once suggested that I make a list of all the people I want to pray for and find a quiet place (she used her closet) and sit in there and pray until I was finished...this avoids the distractions. I did this a few times...but then failed to follow through.
She then suggested I pray not only for them, but for God to reveal verses for each person and begin filling in the sheet with verses given by God. This also seems great..but I don't think I am ready.
I guess it's a lot like Paul talking about working our way through...and not eating solid food until we can handle the light stuff. And it's so frustrating because I feel like I am further along in my walk than I actually may be and to imagine taking the baby steps in my walk is almost humiliating. I wonder why God gives grace to the humble!!!
At this point I have some ideas of how I will begin a deeper life of prayer. Including starting with praying diligently for my family (David) and then working my way out....if that makes sense. I guess I was never taught how to pray for people.
It's also really cool because I really starting thinking seriously about prayer this morning on a walk with David and then at church Pastor Ken announced his new sermon series to begin next Sunday: prayer. God is so amazing.
It's hard for me to post all this because it reveals weaknesses...but if there is anything I want and can offer it is transparency.
And I need prayer for prayer. :)
Also...ideas are welcomed.
It's amazing to be part of such a solid, loving, prayerful family...and not just the immediate family...but to see the love and grace here in Ann Arbor is even greater!
May we all walk closely with our Savior.

Meet Charlie

So I wanted a beagle...and we all know I am relentless! David said I could get a beagle if we didn't have to pay for it. So I went on craigslist for a few days and then I found a beagle listed!
Charlie was adopted from the Humane Society in January, but the lady who adopted him has pit bulls and a pit bull attacked him. So the lady gave him to a girl she worked with. Then the girl couldn't keep him because she lives at home and they have 4 dogs. So I called her and we went to her house. We showed up and all the dogs were barking, but not Charlie! He is very sweet, but very timid. He prefers to be by himself most of the day and lay around. When you try to pet him he puts his tail between his legs. It's really sad...but he's already doing a lot better.

Settling in

It's been awhile since I have posted. Oops. David and I are finally settling in. The condo is 99% done. I just need to clean up my desk and put random things away. For those of you who know me well...you know I have way too many random things!
I love our condo!!!! It's so great. The neighborhood is beautiful with lots of trees, flowers, and a blanket of grass. Everyone says hi when we walk by and we even get into conversations with people from time to time. There our lots of walks we can do for fun, including a nature walk that takes you back into the woods not 5 minutes from our condo. The weather has been a pleasant 75-83 degrees. We have had lots of sun, although it looks like today might be a bit cloudy.
We attended Huron Hills Baptist Church on Sunday. Luke made sure we felt comfortable and met a lot of people. The church is teaming up with World Vision and preparing a huge event to bring more awareness to the AIDS crisis in Africa. Just my kind of church! it seems to be very servant focused and there are all kinds of ways to get involved in the community. After church we barbequed in the park! It was so great. I had a great time playing frisbee as well. Then later that evening Luke took us to game night at his bosses house (who also goes to HH). We played baseball with a big plastic bat and larager ball. It was a blast!!!! Then we played volleyball and then catchphrase inside. It was so fun to be outside until after 10 running around in bare feet. So far, Michigan is treating me quite well. It reminds me of Oregon.
The job hunt was going slow. I applied at so many jobs and wasn't hearing anything... I found some jobs at the UofM that seemed great...but now word. So I went downtown to apply at some fancy restaurants on Main St. Gratzi interviewd me, but because it's been a couple years would have me host and be a server's assistant for awhile before I would serve...which isn't that bad...they said they'd give me a call. Then I was walking down the street and I heard latin music and I walked inside. I filled out an application, they interviewed me in Spanish and hired me on the spot! I was given a t shirt, apron and asked to return on Thursday for training! SWEET. I will have 10 table sections...very different from the measley 3 at Bahama Breeze. I also have to carry a tray. Gulp. But I think I will like it. It's a small, family owned restaurant called El Sabor Latino. There are only 3 servers on at a time...very different from the like 20 at Bahama Breeze. So far everyone I have talked to LOVES eating there. Good sign.
So yeah...things are going well here. I have a surprise post that I will put on later so check back!!

Michigan

So you can view the pics from our fantastic trip at http://picasaweb.google.com/adriana.crawford/Michigan.
I didn't edit or take any out so yeah...there's like 290.
Enjoy

Difficult Good-byes

While my husband has been on a blog writing streak I have been struggling to find words to fit my emotions. These past three months have been the most difficult core shaking months. Our journey of saying farewell to a variety of people and pets is coming to an end as we prepare to embark early Monday morning.
Our dear friends hosted a final dinner at their home...the Seneca House. This home has been a refuge for David and me. We have eaten hundreds of meals there...So we ate enchiladas (4 different types were served), chips and salsa, guacamole, sour cream, salad, snickerdoodles, and ice cream. After a fabulous dinner we all made our way out to the porch.
The wind was lightly blowing and the air felt cool. There were sparatic thunder bursts and lightning streaks. It was a perfect Tucson evening. Our friends (Sue, Eric, Lori, Ron, Michael, Ryan,Cheryl, Ginger, and Kevin) shared with us how we have impacted their lives and how much they appreciate us. God has blessed us with amazing friends. Then after sharing special memories and encouraging words they all prayed for us.
Not only was it an evening of beauty with friends, but I saw another side to my dear husband. David described his lonely ways before we dated and with teary eyes expressed how much he appreciates the friendships offered. I love seeing him in his vulnerability. I appreciate and admire his faithfulness and love of his friends.
We are leaving many great things in Tucson. This has been an amazing place to grow in my marriage and my relationship with God. I pray that God will continue to light our paths and lead us through green valleys.
I would also like to add I am going to dearly miss David's family here in Tucson. It has been such a blessing to have Saturday lunches and random opportunities to hang out. God loves us to be in community and love one another!

A Great Struggle

I have been reading a book entitled, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. It is ¨nonreligious thougths on Christian spirituality.¨So far I have been enjoying it greatly. It might be one of those books I read again and again. It feels like it´s giving you too much at once and you can only work on so many things at once! This is also how I felt after reading the book Steven gave me for Christmas a few years ago...Let Me Be a Woman.
So today I was reading in the sun and I began the chapter, Love: how to really love other people. Donald reflects a summer of travels and backpacking. He spends a month living with pot smoking hippies in the middle of Eastern Oregon. It is there that he encounters people who love one another. There aren´t expectation and stipulations. Your ideas are listened to and perhaps challenged...but in a manner that is first resepectful.
After the month in the bush Donald makes his way to Colorado where he will be a counselor at a Christian camp. He is asked to shave and clean up a bit upon arriving. Hmmmm He then begins attending a unitarian church. He enjoys the love and acceptance it provides, but realizes the people in the church all have different theologies, philosophies, etc... How can this be? He writes, ¨On the other hand, however, I felt by loving liberal people, I mean by really endorsing in their existence, I was betraying the truth of God because I was encouraging them in their lives apart fom God...¨

So then the pounding question:
¨HOW COULD I MERGE THE CULTURE OF TEH WOODS AND THE UNITARIAN CHURCH WITH CHRISTIAN CULTURE AND YET NOT ABANDON THE TRUTH OF SCRIPTURE? HOW COULD I LOVE MY NEIGHBOR WITHOUT ENDORSING WHAT I TRULY BELIEVED WAS UNHEALTHY SPIRITUALLY?¨

One of his conclusions leads us to examine our relationships-love. Think of metaphors that cause trouble in relationships: we value people, we invest in people, relationships can be bankrupts, people are priceles.... we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money.

He gives the example of someone who lived a pagan life and spoke with swear words and was socially awkward....rather than loving this person he ignored him and thought badly of him...ultimately he WITHELD love.
How many times have I been annoyed by someone? How often have I witheld love? The thought is piercing into the depths of who God has called me to be.
The Bible says, ¨Talk with your mouth and your heart doesn´t show love...you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everyone around you.¨


Even with the ideas of love and how we use it as a commodity I still struggle. Ok, so my job is to openly love...no matter what. It is Christ´s job to change hearts and my job to love. I can deal with that. I can wrestle and struggle and work to love people...but I have when it comes to the next question I am stumped:
So what is the church´s job?

I honestly don´t know. Do we open the doors wide open and love love love while awaiting for Christ to change hearts? Do we close them and let people slide in? Do we openly point fingers at sinners when we ourselves fall short every second of every day?
This is a key question for even choosing a church to attend. What kind of community do I want to be a part of? One of the things that The Village has offered is loving the socially awkward. The ones who speak out in church and on the street and make you wonder.... the Village loves them and accepts them and welcomes their comments. I have seen Christ´s love in the church...for the first time.
So anyway, I know you have a lot of sifting through this long winded blog...but any ideas are welcomed and asked of!

Fotos de España

Here are a few photos of us enjoying ourselves in Spain. The first is in Salobreña, on the Mediterranean. I can´t even tell you how windy it was...well you have an idea with the cray hair.
There is also a pic of the three of us on the other side of the cliff from Al Alhambra in Granada.
I hope to upload more later!!!

España

What a trip! We are having a great time here!! We have seen so many things. It´s been one of the greatest trips I have ever been on.
I hope to upload some pictures tomorrow so that you can see a few. I have taken over a 1000. Oops! We all know I love to take pictures.
David´s blog explains our trip in detail...so read his for more detail!!!
I actually don´t have much to write, but I thought I would at least update my blog some.
Be back later with pics!

On Loss

H is gone. I am going through one of the greatest grieving times of my life. This little girl walked into our lives and changed us forever. She was in a shelter. She didn't know how to use the bathroom at almost 5 years. She couldn't communicate and she was on meds that made her dull to life. We were able to bring her out of all those things. She became a child of life. A child that would run around and laugh and engage with people. I was able to watch her life transform into something so beautiful.
It's been very painful to wake up today without her. I miss her bare feet pitter pattering on the tile...the smell of her hair as she cuddles in my arms... the sound of her laughter...and the joy that filled our home.
This morning I woke up as a mother on a clock...knowing that she would be getting up soon...yet not having her here was really hard. I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling.
The children at the barbeque yesterday were running around having a great time and I kept wanting her to come and find me...come and surprise me...it's just unreal to have a child in your life one moment and then gone the next.
Many say it's like the death of a child. And it really is. She's gone to us. Of course I trust God and I know she is safe in her new home. However, I will never see her again. I won't be there for her moments of life. And I so deeply long for that.

So I was reading Psalms this morning and a verse struck me. "Blessed is the one who walks in the Light of the Lord."
I truly need light right now. I need my friends to sit with me and cry with me as I sob. I need David to take walks with. I can't handle the dark. The Lord is my light. He is going to bring me through this.
I feel a peace through my pain as well. I know God called us into providing a safe home for a child who had formerly lived in a place that mimicks hell. I know he brought us through the tough months of screaming and shaping. Thus, I know he will bring us through our grief.
Also through all this I think of the heart of God. When I miss our little girl it is painful in the being of who I am. I can't describe what it is one feels when going through loss. And I think of my Jesus.The loss he feels for His people. Being made in His image is painful because when we go through the tough times we get closer to who He is and how He feels about us. He really aches for us to know him and be part of the kingdom.
Overall, I am in a great amount of pain. I go through the regret of ever doing foster care and then I look at the joy it brought us.
I ask that you pray for David and I as we move through this time. He is also struggling greatly.

a good memory

David and I spent the morning together. We went to the park and then the 3 of us went to breakfast. In all, we walked around 3-4 miles. It was a very peaceful morning. While we were sitting at Duke's Restaurant a memory came to me.
A few years ago David and I walked to a quaint family owned restaurant (much like the one we were at today). We didn't have a lot of money and decided to share an omelet. We had coffee as well. We enjoyed our meal and had a pleasant conversation. I noticed two men sitting near us. It seems that they were looking to buy a house. They had papers of homes and were going through them. We glanced and nodded and continued with our conversations.
The two men left, and shortly after we asked for our check. The waitress said, the two men who had been sitting next paid for our bill. They wanted to do it without receiving thanks and recognition.
David and I were so greatful by their gestuure. It made our day.

Caroline's Request

My Favorite foods:

1. anything italian
2. caesar salad
3. chicken wings with ranch
4. tres leches cake
5. chunky monkey ice cream
6. chips and salsa/guacamole

My favorite restaurants:
1. Bahama Breeze
2. Ginos (Portland, OR)
3. Feast (Tucson, AZ)
4. The Olive Garden
5. Havana Cafe (Phoenix, AZ)

Yummy... I love to eat!

Swimming beauty!

Isn't she great!??!!??!?!?!?!?

we bought a condo!

Hurray! It's so cute! It's a 2bed/1bath teeny tiny condo in the beautiful town of Ann Arbor, MI. I had the greatest time there this weekend! It's going to be so great.
We are in a hurry tonight...so I will play catch up tonight!!!
I plan to write on the following things later:
my favorite foods for Caroline
my experience in Detroit
the latest in life

We will not be adopting H. I'm sure Daid and I will write more later.