pictures from the bbq

Who is that again?

Me and David's cousin, Luke

Lindsay, Adrienne, and Hannah

The cutest couple ever

David the crazy

Luke

David, the best barbequer ever!

Micah and Uncle Dave in their cool Hawaiian shirts

Our good friend, Dale and his 2 year old daughter, Ella

David's friend from school, Chris, and his wife, Lee

Hannah and Micah


Our "Pagan Party" was so much fun! I can't believe we fit 26 people into our TINY condo. Too bad we didn't take more pictures!!! We had chicken, brats, and burgers, with all kinds of sides brought by friends. It was an incredibly sunny day...which is a rarity in these parts!

Me, resistant to change

I have always considered myself quite a chameleon... adapting to what's around me to fit in and do well. I think a lot of things about myself that are true and untrue, positive and negative. I always considered myself easy change. Until I realized that I am quite resistant....last night.

So we are at our friends' home for Bible Study and we stuck around longer than the others (as usual!) talking. Dale was describing his frustration and grief with all their friends moving away. Many many of their friends have left Ann Arbor. As you know, it's a university town...and not just young students...but through their Phd's...so they start families and create friendships....and then leave. So he was asking us again about our future....which we know nothing about, but I am quick to yell, "Tucson!"

So then David was saying how you never know what will happen. He said, "Adrienne hated Tucson when we got there. She hated the set up of the streets the lack of AC, and all she wanted to do was go back to Phoenix! She complained of not having any friends, at first a horrible job, etc.... And then she hated marriage. She didn't want to be married and would get upset all the time."

And I looked at him and asked, "Am I resistant to change?"

And he said, "You are more resistant to change than anyone I have ever met!'

I didn't realize I am so resistant. Here I thought I was so easy going! But once he started naming examples I was caught!

Obviously, I have been processing and considering my last post for a looonnnggg time, and so this conversation last night really helped me.

I guess it is helping me see that it takes me awhile to adjust. And as I previously posted, I am not there. But the good news is I fell in love with Tucson and made amazing friends, and more importantly, I fell in love with marriage!

Anyway, I just enjoyed David revealing a part of me I didn't recognize and wanted to share that with you. :)

He's amazing, by the way, just in case you forgot.

an honest post

Have you ever missed anything? Someone? A place? An object?

I think I have been missing something, someone, and an object for a long time. I miss Tucson. I miss Nogales. I miss Sedona. I miss the Village. I miss family. And on certain days I miss teaching. And I miss our house.

I recently found out 4 close friends of ours left the Village. One would think this doesn't really effect us because we are so far away and don't see them. Yet, I think it hit hard for a few reasons. First, when you are far from something you love so much you look forward to a day of reunion with great hope and joy. And to imagine our return with the baby won't be greeted with these 4 people hurts. You pray for people and learn so many things about them and then they're gone...and you aren't even there to process it, or be part of it. So it really reminds me of our absence. An absence I still protest on a daily basis. The other thing is more selfish I guess. When someone leaves a community that you love you feel rejected. I don't actually feel rejected, but I feel angry. I feel angry that they are still in Tucson and are going to different churches and we are up here missing the Village more and more... and continually trying to be connected to the community from a distance and they are choosing not to go. What I would give to be there.

I am still in this place where I don't understand the move. And I don't feel like sugarcoating it and saying that we have all these wonderful things here... because that really doesn't erase the pain of missing home. I still miss sitting on our roof drinking beer and having incredible conversations about life. And missing Halie. And flipflops with dirty feet. And I miss friends....oh how I miss friends. Following God's will through obedience can be really painful. From confessing sin, to calling out sin, to following Him all over hurts. So often God's chosen struggled with this issue as they hid from enemies, followed the Lord through the desert, or even when Jesus was preparing for the crucifixion. Even though we know He has prepared the way for us and that He wants to offer us good things, we still experience a pain or loss. It's part of living in the broken world.

And I guess I get a little annoyed with everyone expecting me to accept Ann Arbor as home because it's feels like a transition home. We are loving people and allowing people to love us. And we are learning a new community, but it is not home to me. And I get so jealous still when I talk to family and friends and here about their lives in Arizona. From the foods they're eating that I can't get, to the weather, to the conversations and everything that is said that makes my heart hurt.

So here's a toast to my grumbling and everyone's annoyances with me. You just have to love me anyway. I am the way I am. :)
And some pictures for fun. :)

the truth about churches

So churches have been the hot topic in our blogs lately. And it's definitely been on my mind frequently because of our move. So here's what's been comforting me....

A lesson I have been learning has been the changing my mindset of expectations. I so frequently expect things from others. I expect to be invited over, thanked, or noticed. I expect that family will remember important dates. I expect expect expect. So something I was learning was instead of expecting, to offer in those areas. So instead of expecting to be invited over, I invite. Instead of expecting for others to remember my birthday, I try to remember theirs. I think the same can be applied to a church. I shouldn't walk into a church and think...what can it offer me? What spiritual development classes, worship music, and preaching can I expect to receive? But rather, where can I help the church grow? How can I connect with people? Where can I offer me?

So here's another thought to go with that...I was also thinking about how to share Christ with others. Many invite them to their churches so their friends can experience the space. Yet, I was thinking...it's not really the music or the preaching that is going to change a life...it's the relationships formed. My growth in Christianity hasn't necessarily come from the church itself, but from others pouring into my life.

So it doesn't really matter that a church has flaws and imperfections (and we all know every church has these!) But it really is a place to build community and relationships and through that the church grows.

So the truth about churches is that the preaching isn't always that great, and the worship music isn't always that great, and the people are sinful, broken people trying to help one another. And so we are quick to criticize and get frustrated and think of finding a new church home because our expectations aren't being filled. And the only way to avoid criticizing and judgment is to offer where it's broken and weak where God has given us strength. And pour out what has been given us.

So may we encourage one another in our strengths that we might believe in our strengths and offer them to a broken world.

A Love Story

During Christmas break we stayed at the Seneca House, home to our dearest friends. I remember talking to Eric about reading the Bible and how I struggle to study it and stay focused. He suggested I read it like a book. Cover to cover. Or however I feel led. Because really it's a love story that God wants to share. I considered the thought and didn't do much. So a month or so ago I was at chapel service at the retirement center and the pastor talked about he and some of the members of his church are reading the Bible in 90 days. I was intrigued. Immediately I came home and researched for plans. I found it only...only it was $80! Who pays for that? So David said, "Just take the one year reading plan and combine 4 days readings into 1." So I wrote out in a notebook the readings for each day and a place to date it. (I love organizational plans...it gives me a sense of accomplishment...we'll work on that issue another day.)

So I am on like day 25. And will start 1 Kings tomorrow. I've never read through the Bible so fast. And it's so good for me because it doesn't allow me to forget who everyone is when there name is repeated. I am definitely seeing the love story that Eric talked about.

It's so great to have people who want you to know God and see how much he loves us. Having people who want to encourage me in my walk and help me to really experience the love of God.

So may this be a post to remind us all of the beautiful story that we have on our bed stands. And although it's good to study the various books of the Bible, chapters, and verses. Sometimes it's just good to read it cover to cover and experience His love story poured out.

the story of our eggs

So far every egg in our egg carton from the grocery store has been twins!!! Isn't that amazing!?!?! We made tortilla española with twin yolks and now I cooked an egg over easy that had twin yolks! That's 5 sets of twins. As I use the rest of our eggs I will keep you posted on the twin status!

did you know?

David built me a crib and changing tables using recycled wood...including the once existing floors at Nan and Jess' home?
Pictures to be posted.

There is nothing greater than walking into this room and seeing a small bed where our child will spend the first 2 years of life sleeping away...oh the beauty of having a baby never ends. I don't know that I have ever experienced greater joy. :)

obey

So lately I have been thinking a lot about order. Not organizational order, but the way I am to order myself under Christ and my husband. Obeying Christ and placing myself under His direction is a very difficult thing because I am so easy to sin and fall away from under Him and go my own direction. So many times I think and act as if I am the one who knows what's best for my life. After all it is my life, isn't it? :)
Submission is a very humbling experience for me. I remember when I wanted to bring Halie home from the shelter sooo badly. And Sue asked, "What does David say? How does he feel about bringing her home?" And I would feel crushed thinking he's never going to want to bring her home. If I don't do this it will never happen! I have had this thought through other phases as well...just thinking if I don't take care of it the way I imagine either God or David will not follow through and I won't get what my heart desires. A little manipulative, I know. Remember the post, ME, the Manipulator...I wasn't kidding. So Sue would really transform my thinking and desires by questioning where David was in the process. She really encouraged me to let him lead our family. Ohhh I would get frustrated! However, I am learning that positioning myself under him knowing that he has positioned himself under the Lord has really benefited us in amazing ways. When I give my husband the space to make choices with the Lord, I am often amazed that if they weren't my desire at the time I always grow into the idea and see it's goodness.
One of the beautiful things about learning to submit to David is that he doesn't usually require it. He gives me the space to choose whether I am going to let him decide or whether I will turn the direction I want to go. This experience is quite similar to that I have the Lord. I know where the Lord is leading me and I can follow Him and be blessed by His plan or I can turn on my stubbornness and go my own direction.... and whether it be God or David I get down my path and realize it wasn't the right one and come crawling back hoping the other path is still available.
It's just really cool how God set up order in families wanting us all to be blessed. And it's really cool to have a husband who leads our family according to the Lord's will. And it would even be greater if I could trust both him and the Lord without question.
So to sum up this post I will list some of the ways when I willingly submitted and God has brought about good things:
-David choose his medical school possibilities and left it between 2 options...even though I REALLY didn't want to move here and was hoping he'd finish at least one other.
-David choose our condo location- he was considering 2 options- and it has turned out to be a wonderful place and will be a safe and beautiful place to begin raising our child.
-David has encouraged me to seek out specific friends and those relationships have really grown
-David told me we would stay in our BS even though I wasn't sure I liked it....some of our best friends have come from that group
-David has reminded me of my desire to have the baby's gender to be a surprise and that receiving gender appropriate gifts is a silly reason to find out the baby's gender. So...it will be "baby" "junior" or "lima bean" until the day the baby's born. And I am so excited!
-David has asked me to read my Bible when I have been unfaithful.
-David has asked me not to wear make up. (This has been a challenging request...but one where God has really taught me a lot- I will post about that at the end of my 40 days!)

Positioning myself under David has been such a blessing! And it's something God requires of me. And it's not easy. But it's obedience.

Send me on my way

Last night we went to a friend's house for dinner. It was excellent! There were 9 of us and we shared in the preparations and cooking. It was a bonding time. :) Music was playing in the background and the song, Send Me On My Way, by Rusted Roots came on. At first I recognized it as a song that I enjoy, nothing more. This morning I found the song online and was listening to it a bit closer and I realized the special meaning.... One day we were driving home with H and the song came on in the car. I turned up the volume and we were dancing around in our seats. When we arrived home the song was still playing so we opened the doors and turned up the volume a bit more and danced around the front yard together. It is one of my fondest memories of her....not just that day of dancing, but the numerous days we would turn up the music and dance around together! I was able to talk to her on the phone the other day and I know she is doing well. This whole experience is part of the letting go. I am experiencing the era of the pure joy of having been a mom to her. I don't feel the deep sadness that has plagued my life for so many months... but I think of our times and I get goosebumps and a sense of joy for the experiences we had together. I think the song title is particularly special....Send Me On My Way.... kind of like my sending her on her way with dancing beat, and not a sorrowful one.

I guess that's the point we have to reach to let people go and heal. After the other emotions of losing a loved one we come to a point where all we can do is be joyful for the special times and think about dancing around for having had the experience at all with that special someone....

So let this song be a tribute to the doodle bug and the joys she brought so many of us!

Also, when we saw our pastor from Tucson in Grand Rapids last Friday we remembered some of her funny stories....like on her last Sunday with us how she ran up to him in the middle of his sermon (she tricked her teacher in the Sunday school room saying she had to go potty) and said to him, "We have cake and ice cream!" as she danced around and giggled and then ran back into her classroom. :)

The woman on the news said with a big smile, "Today it's going to warm up to 26 degrees! And by the weekend it will be about 33 degrees!" Oh yes, bring out your suntan lotion and get your shorts out.....it's warming up over freezing!!!!!


I will say one positive thing: It's been SUNNY lately. I think I hate Michigan less when there is sun.

from our new Consumed series

People don't need enormous cars; they need respect. They don't need closets full of clothes; they need to feel attractive and they need excitement and variety and beauty. People don't need electronic equipment; they need something worthwhile to do wtih their lives. People need identity, community, challenge, acknowledgement, love, joy. To try to fill these needs with material things is to set up an unquenchable appetite for false solutions to real and never-satisfied problems.
-Donella Meadows

it's all connected

I am learning that when Christ wants to teach you something new in your walk, He makes it extremely obvious. This explaining my current experience:
Huron Hills started a new series for the 6 weeks of Lent....CONSUMED. The goal, as stated by our pastor, is to free us from the bondage of consumerism and American culture. I would go beyond that....and mention the importance of repositioning ourselves toward God. Obviously, one of the big questions is, What consumes you? We all want to answer with Jesus. But I have to wonder if any of us can say it without delay.
Ken started off by naming a few statistics.... 20% of the developing world has 86% of the goods. We spend an average of 8 Billion dollars on cosmetics, 12B on perfume, and 17B on PET food. Many of the high breed animals...you know which ones I am speaking of! live better than 99% of the world.
He talked about how it doesn't matter how much money you make, you always want about 10% more.
The sermon had a variety of verses and adjectives for us to remember as well...I won't get into all that!
I got this book from Marcheta today called Bread and Wine: Reading for Lent and Easter. It's great!

One of the chapters is on stuff. The end of the chapter was very good: "How did we come to know that we are dying a slow unacknowledged death? Ant that the only way back to life was to set all our packages down and begin again, carrying with us only what we really needed? We travail. We are heavy laden. Refresh us, O homeless, jobless, possession-less Savior. You came naked, and naked you go. And so it is for us. So it is for all of us."

I think of all the unnecessary packages I carry. All the things that aren't what I am asked to carry. I sense this time a time of Christ's refreshing me.

Also, another thing I read today was from a commentary on James by J. Vernon McGee (for Bible Study with the girls). We are starting chapter 2 which deals with favoritism in the church....dealing with the rich and poor.... His description of how Jesus was born into poverty was similar to those I have read, but the following struck me....
"He was born in a borrowed stable. He had to borrow loaves and fishes from a little lad to feed the crowd. He spoke from a borrowed boat. He had a borrowed coin to illustrate the truth, He borrowed a donkey to ride into Jerusalem. He borrowed a room to celebrate passover. He died on a borrowed cross- belonging to Barnabas. They put him in a borrowed tomb- belongin to Joseph of Arimathea."

These borrowed items were quite significant in his life on Earth. Obviously God provided Jesus with everything he needed. He didn't have to buy it for himself. And he was totally taken care of.

It might be too extreme for me to think I can borrow everything! However, I don't think it's extreme to greatly look into how I spend money and at the things I take control of vs. the things I allow God to control. I think that's key.

I remember about 2 years ago sitting in the "Sinner's chair" at the Village as I confessed my gross spending habits. I was in tears and ready to change. God has really taken me on a journey through this and I definitely think it continues. I came from a place of wealth.... I have always had everything I have ever wanted. It's time for me to choose a simple life. Well, continue to walk into that choice.

I think this all definitely relates to my no makeup choice. It's all part of denying myself and picking up my cross to follow Him.

I will tell you I have never felt so ugly and the desire to be so invisible in my life. I have been struggling to make eye contact with people. I couldn't have been asked to give up anything more "precious" than my makeup! Yet, it's starting to get easier. I starting to see a change in the way I perceive myself and others.

So anyway, this season of Lent has started out to be an amazing experience where I am really learning what it means to deny myself.

me, the rebel :)

Lent.
I have known people through the years to give up something for the "40" day time as we walk with Christ to the cross and then to his resurrection on Easter. They have given up chocolate, soda, caffeine....tried different diets....or a new exercise program... I haven't participated in lent in the past.
On Wednesday, I was marked with a cross with ashes on my forehead at a local service. I started thinking about what I might give up. Nothing seemed appropriate to remind me of Christ and His sufferings and compassion for me. I thought of things I could add to help my walk be more fruitful. It just didn't seem to work out in my mind of how I could celebrate the season. I shrugged it off thinking, "Baptist don't celebrate Lent in this way anyhow."
Fast forward to today.
I am getting ready for work and the daunting task of makeup presents itself....I looked up at the verse from 1Peter on my mirror, and thought about makeup and beauty and all that stuff I have struggled with since the tender age of 10. I reflected on a conversation last night... We were at the Raymonds and talking about a woman who was married on national television who was recently burned with 3rd degree burns all over her body due to a home fire, her 2 young daughters (both under the age of 3) also suffered 3rd degree burns all over their bodies. Their deformed faces and bodies will never be the same. We then were talking about Kelly (from Regis and Kelly...because it was on their show) and how she walked down the aidle in a beautiful dress, with her tan skin, blonde hair, beautiful face, and perfect body. I thought about her three daughters and said, "I feel so sad for the girls, because they need a mom....someone who looks like a mom. The magazines destroy a girls view of beauty enough, we don't need it from our moms too." In my mind I reflected on my stepmom and the body she perfected with hours of exercise and diet pills, her acrylic nails, high heels, and her perfected hair and makeup. I never seemed to measure up.
So as I was thinking of applying my makeup, I stopped. I didn't put it on. And David loves that. He prefers the natural me.
It's so frustrating to quit wearing it because people ask me if I am tired and sick. I have given my friend and acquaintances a face that isn't the Creator's gift....and they don't recognize me.
Since it's not all about me anymore and I have this little life growing in me I find it important to offer my child something real.I work with teenage girls...all of whom don't think they're smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, or good enough. And I want so much more for my family....but it has to start with me.
So I am thinking of my 40 day fast (well 38) to be one with the face God gave me. The face I don't see as good enough without the eye shadow, liner, and mascara. The one that I feel ashamed of.
And so I am going to rebel against our culture's idea of beauty....and allow my face to remain free of products and my belly to grow large, and my inner beauty to carry me through.
Oh, Lord, help me....and may this not be a 40 day rebellion...but a life changing one.

My Baby

You can see baby's cute little head curled and baby's soon to be legs. We saw baby's heartbeat today!!!

may we grow old together?

I went to a surprise 80th birthday party today as a friend/companion. The room was a beautiful room located in the Michigan League...a very old building on UofM's campus. We entered the room and found a place for her to sit where she would be comfortable...next to another dear old friend of hers. I found a seat behind her where I was available and yet, out of the way. I watched friend after friend approach her and give her a kiss on the cheek and sweet hug. They would smile at one another and do some quick catch ups and then the friend would move aside so another could get a chance. It was so beautiful to see the years of friendship and the love shared in a moment's glance. The Birthday Girl arrived and we shouted, "Surprise! Happy Birthday!" and immediately broke out in song. The tears in her eyes as she glanced around the room at so many loved ones was so beautiful.
Later in the car, she said, "Did you see that man I was just talking with? I was his teacher when he was in the nursery. He has always loved science...bugs and all those things."
The man she was describing is older than me... perhaps much older.
I got goosebumps imagining knowing someone for such a length of time.
The whole afternoon took me by surprise as I felt the warmth and love in a community.
I couldn't help but think of the community God calls us to be a part of...and not only calls us to be part of, but so dearly wants us to experience such friendship and love. How wonderful it must be to be part of a church for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60 years and to experience Christ in a way that is so personal and so real. What an example of the body.

And we entered her small apartment and she closed her door and said, "Aren't Christian friends wonderful? There just aren't any friends like Christian friends."

And I smiled.

So here's a toast to friendship... may we have the opportunity to experience a lifetime filled with dear friends...

all the windows open

Today it is warmer in Ann Arbor, MI than it is in Tucson. And also I would like to mention, 7 days ago we got about 9 inches of snow...which is obviously all gone.
Michigan weather is CRAZY.

I am enjoying the treat...I have all the windows open. ahhh fresh air...

Get your free online pregnancy calendar from WhatToExpect.com

thoughts on a long awaited visit

This trip has so many elements that have effected my experience. The hardest part of the trip is being in all the places where I used to have a doodle bug and recognizing her painful absence. From the empty seat in the shopping cart, to the missing dancing body dancing with the children at church. My heart carries this intense longing to have her with me. When we went to our old house I stepped into her newly painted room and took in a deep breath as I tried to take in the moment. It was the first safe room she ever slept in. I remember her sweet screams as she ran around the yard with Parker and Lucy. She is deeply missed.
Tucson has a feel and smell that warms up my soul with a remembrance of so many good things. I love the small homes with cacti growing all over and the additions that don't match and the yards filled with tables and chairs for evening events. I love the straight roads...so straight you can see for a mile ahead of you. I love the dirt, yes, even the dirt in my toes. I love the Tusconians, who in the 60 degree weather have thick winter jackets and go around commenting on how cold it is. :) I love sun beaming down as it awakens the night.
Staying at the Seneca House is also such a blessing. I have had so many conversations about the brokenness of our world of our community and of ourselves. I love how they encourage me as I walk into who God is making me. I love how they ask the really deep questions that make me ponder before I can respond. I love their honesty. I love their attempt to not live as this world asks.
I think the thing I need to remember is that God is offering me good things wherever I am. Enjoying my time in Arizona is a gift. But life right now is in Ann Arbor. It's Monday night dinners with Hannah and Micah, Bible Studies, Small groups, Thursday night potlucks...it's snow and grass and leaves and warm jackets. It's lots of water and great walks.
So yeah...those are my thoughts thus far.

SUN

We have arrived in Nogales! Yesterday was a very looonnngg day. We were 5 hours late getting into the air, 3 of which we were sitting in the plane, so we missed 2 flights to Tucson, but were able to catch a later flight and get in at 6:35 PM. David's father greeted us with warm hugs and good conversation on the quick hour drive down to Nogales. I awoke as the sun was rising and the sky was filled with warm orange and red colors. Wow, I miss this place.
Today we will be going to church in Mexico with David's family and then driving up to go to church in Tucson tonight. I am soooo excited :).
Know we are safe and very happy to be in Arizona.

me, the manipulator

So I went to the grocery store this afternoon to buy ingredients for homemade spaghetti and meatballs. (Don't you wish you were here???)

I bought my products, walked to the bank to make a deposit, and drove home.
About an hour later I am cooking away and the recipe says, add ground beef... I look around and I can't find it anywhere! I walk out to the car, just to make sure I didn't leave it in the car.
So then I found my receipt and call the store. At this point I am so mad at the cashier. She wasn't friendly and careful. It's her fault my grocers didn't all make it home.
So the man answers, I explain my predicament...he puts me on hold...2 minutes later he gets back on the phone. "I am sorry, we don't have the meat, it's not here." (He says it in a way like he doesn't believe me...or like I need to check my house again." I say, "Ok, but I don't have the meat, what should I do." "Well, you can bring in your receipt and we will get you what you need." By this point I am mad at him. He is treating me like a liar. So I check my car again, come back inside, turn off the stove, and go to the checkout line I was in earlier. The girl says, "You're here for the meat aren't you? It's over there in the cooler." So they're both there....the cashier and the phone answerer. And really I am not mad at either one since they're both in my presence....but if it had been him alone I might have mentioned she wasn't careful nor friendly...and if she had been alone, I might have mentioned he was rude on the phone and thanked her for saving the meat.
There isn't much to say about my actual reaction. But inside I was burning up. I was so angry and I was thinking of all the ways to manipulate the situation so that I had no fault...I wanted to place all the blame on everyone else.

I left the store feeling ashamed.

What to say when you don't have the answers....

so here are the main the points for my talk tonight

One of the biggest questions is: If God is God, why is God like this in my life?

Does pain and suffering evolve because of our choices?
Look at Job 1 and 2
Read John 9: 1-3

Do not preach to those who are in pain...COMFORT
Isaiah 61:1-2
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Ephesians 4:32-5:2
Colossians 3:12
Why does it look like when we do preach and not comfort? What are we saying?

Pain produces growth
Romans 5:3-5
James 1:2-4
Philippians 1: 29-30
1Peter 2:20-24


Conclusion....
End with my favorite verse on this subject...
Isaiah 25:6-8
That's such a short briefing...but gives you an idea. Thanks for your prayers...or for all the help I received

speak again

So Chris asked me to speak again on Sunday since he is in Mexico visiting the area where the youth will serve next summer. This time I HAVE NO IDEA what I am going to talk about.
Ideas?

what does this mean?

So David and I were checking the weather for the next couple weeks...and by the way...it's 8 degrees right now. No, I didn't forget a number...it's definitely 8!

Well we came across this symbol:

What does this mean???????????

Oh and the symbol was on another day when it's so supposed to be VERY cold.
So what is it called at 8 degrees again?

a cool skit

So our friends John and Ellie were over tonight and they showed me this skit John found on youtube.com. It's a beautiful skit...and a bit emotional. I was really moved by the beginning. It's an incredible image of the relationship Christ intends for us to have with him. You see Him breathing life into her, then demonstrating how she was made in HIs image, he shows her the incredible creation, offers her an apple, and romances her with a dance. Then the skit goes into all the things that tears us away from Him.

I just think the first 30 seconds are so beautiful and they make me long so dearly to be romanced by Him. I hope you see the skit and are equally moved.

Let me know your thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

the start of my Christmas list

Books
the new one that came out about Mother Teresa- her journal
Three cups of Tea- about the guy who started that school...in pakistan?
or any sad depressing social justice books- you know what I like...and if you don't, ask Jane for a suggestion because she always chooses the right ones for me!

Movies
The Motorcycle Diaries
Nueve Reinas (argentinian movie)
The Queen

Clothes
Anything warm
sweat pants- like those grey ones on the sale rack at American Eagle...cozy! (or something like that)

Accessories
warm socks
scarves, gloves, hats
I also liked that conditioner from Origins Mom bought for me a few birthdays ago....or any of their exfoliating body scrubs...like the paradise found or the ginger one.

Also, I would like a case for my ipod "classic" something to protect it from the daily beatings, droppings, and for when I lose it in my purse and all my books fall on it. :)

So yeah I hope that should help. Know this is just ideas as I am trying to be helpful, but if you have an idea...Go with it!

A tribute to love on my 100th blog

Love Grows
On this exceptionally beautiful Thanksgiving Day I awoke to find a blanket of snow all around. Another gift from my Savior reminding me this is where He wants us and asking for my hand in trust once again. David knew I would love this and was the one to come in and tenderly wake me and open up the blinds, excitedely he said, "You're going to love this!" And I did.
I was thinking the other day about the love I have for my husband and I was thinking about the wonderful experiences we have had together. And it's really funny...because when I fell in love...when we were dating and we said I love you in Mexico City the first time I thought that was it! I had found love. I couldn't imagine that your love for someone grows...that it becomes deeper and stronger and to the point where two people really can't imagine life without one another.
The other interesting thing is that we have only been married 2 1/2 years...and so I think of Mom and Dad. How much their love for each other must be and how it's something we can't comprehend until we too have experienced it. And then you look at grandparents...and their long lives together. It's such a gift from God that He made us to have a life companion. And I think of those who lose their companions...like my two women at Glacier Hills...or when someone leaves us to go home when we are younger. What a wound it must cause...a pain that once again we can't know unless it happens. Even in the pain there is a beauty about finding love and staying true to your love. And taking care of that person in their sickness. It's such a testimony of vows.
I just love this season. Thanksgiving to the new year. It's full of warmth and love and joy.

So may this be a toast...a toast of celebration for blogging 100 times (even though many of you long past that mark!) and a toast to my husband....a man who knows my deepest secrets and my greatest joys. I can't wait for our love to continue to grow.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!

game highlights

There I am!!!




Desmond Howard hugging Hart before the game....




As he walks away...


Apparently that's all it takes!



the love of my life




the biggest rivalry in the country


If you look closely you can see the drum major as his head touches the ground (I didn't bring my good camera as it was raining).

Even though the game was awful and Michigan displayed zero offense... and it was 32 degrees and raining...it was still an experience I will never forget.

Good News!

She is doing much better, in fact she is doing really well! You'll all know who "she" is. My heart feels so relieved. Continue praying!

not to brag, but

I got us two tickets to the OSU/UofM game on Saturday.

Oh yeah.

I am

homesick.


I miss the sun, our friends, seeing David's family every weekend, and desert landscape.

I have the opportunity to speak to the youth next Sunday night at their big group gathering. :) Chris called me on Saturday to speak. I am so excited! I have my outline and powerpoint set up so I plan to go over it daily and pray over it to make sure I am doing as God desires.
Please join me in praying this week...to open their hearts and minds to what God has for them. And so that I speak and communicate well to them during this time.

THANKS!

a good lunch

So I went to lunch with a wise woman today. We each ordered a half cherry chicken salad sandwhich and a salad. With our sandwhich comes chips. I ate my lunch, including the chips. She had a few chips on her plate and I snagged one. I said, "I don't have a lot of discipline. I try to eat healthy, but if there are chips it's hard to resist." And she said, "Well, I don't think eating healthy foods and avoiding unhealthy foods is discipline. I think it's just common sense."

And for all the therapy I have been there for not being disciplined enough! I should have chosen what is right!!!
(Just kidding).



(kind of).

A short walk from our home leads into....

what is Truth, what is ok to change, and how do you know/

Recently a friend of mine wanted to discuss whether women should lead ministry and other such hot topics about women. I tend to be more traditional in my thoughts about such issues. Although it's easy for a few reasons.
1. I don't want to be a pastor of a church.
2. It's easy for me to submit to my husband because I am encouraged to do so and because I trust him with our family. I don't always follow him without a a little struggle...but I know that I should.
I think such issues are interesting to discuss, although with all kinds of opinions I tend to not discuss the hot topic stuff because it's easier not to.

So I was talking with one of the men that comes to our Bible study. He has studied the Bible extensively and I wanted to know the debates. He brought up the most interesting thought. He said when he studies such issues he usually looks at the history of the debate. On the issue of head coverings...this has been a struggle for Christians for 1500 years. Many have pondered the reason for the text. Cultural? Necessity? However, the question of women in ministry has been a louder struggle for the last 75 years or so. I am interested in looking more into these issues and the thoughts involved to understand better.

I tend to read scripture and believe exactly what I read...so there is a part of me that wonders if I really should have a head covering on in church. But then I think of the muslim women who honor the head covering and then have skin tight jeans and shirts that leave little for a man's imagination. So one can follow the law, but miss the heart of the law.

The other thing is that if you start saying something is cultural then the Bible can become a book of suggestions...and everything is cultural.

I guess the whole Bible is really hard for me. I read it and then I try to apply it to my life and understand it, but I am left with so many questions. So then I think well if God leads me into this or that I will follow him. But then I wonder what kind of leader am I? How can I take from the Bible what God is leading me into and then lead a Bible Study? Who am I to take some of it and leave other parts? So does that mean I need to bring out the head coverings?

And these are only 1/1000000000 of my questions about things!!! If only I could connect my brain to the computer so that my thoughts would upload and then I wouldn't have siffer through them and figure out how to explain myself. :)

So yeah...a whole lot of randomness for you.

ask and you shall receive (lol)

So yeah, the game was AWESOME! MICHIGAN WON!!!!

lots of random thoughts

I went to an orientation on Thursday to see if I want to be a mentor to a foster child (14-17years) who is aging out of the system. The goal is to give the child another role model to help increase the success rate and decrease the risk of being incarcerated. I look forward to the opportunity and am hoping to be paired with a girl who I connect easily with.

God is moving me into the youth atmosphere these days! I was so scared to be a mentor or a leader, but He's been walking with me and it's starting to look like something fruitful.

I had another thought earlier as well. I have been seeing a lot of disabled children, and of course we fostered one. God is placing a desire in my heart for those with medical issues or disabilities. And so I was thinking about what that might look like someday...which leads to my next thought!

I was listening to Eric's sermon online about 1Peter. The part that struck me the most was...Where you are at...God put you there. Don't live in the past or the future....live in the NOW. So as I was thinking about the disabled children God may lead me into someday I heard HIm leading me away from my thoughts and to focus back on the now. What does God want from me today...or this minute of today. I am so guilty of living in the future. You all know I am always coming up with crazy new ideas...and they all take place in the future. But the important thing is to meditate on the now.

I love how when I am learning something new in my life it doesn't take place in one situation. But God takes all these conversations, sermons, books, thoughts, and intertwines them together like the threads of a quilt to get my attention and teach me a lesson. He never leaves me out there in a place where I don't get it...He makes sure that I hear what he's trying to teach me like 50 times and then I do the ohhhh I see, Jesus, and blog it online!!! Just kidding about the blog part...kind of.

Anyway, I just love the way He's been teaching me lately. What has He been teaching or showing you?

MICHIGAN FOOTBALL

David and I are going to see Michigan play tomorrow at the biggest football in the United States. 107,501 can sit in the stadium. SWEEEETTT!!!! One of the students in the youth group realized I hadn't been to a game and would like to, and he talked with his dad who had 2 extra tickets for us!!!! And then I was able to get my shift covered at work without even really trying!!!! This is such a treat.

So think of us tomorrow......having fun in the cold rainy outdoor Michigan stadium!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dinners are back!

One of the things I loved about Tucson was that in the last year we didn't eat dinner alone. We had people at our house about 4-5 nights a week and the other 2 we were usually somewhere else. Eating dinner with friends is amazing. The discussions that come out during a meal and the frienships that are strengthened are so special.
Upon arrival in Michigan we ate with family, but didn't really know people to invite, etc... WEll we have been working and slowing changing this!!! So Mon. nights Micah and Hannah come over! Friday nights we eat with Ellie and John, and then Luke, Katherine, and Ben when they can. Now we are starting Thursday nights at the lodge! (The lodge is this really cool building near the church with that rustic looking furniture and a big moosehead and moose antlers as a chandelier...totally Michigan!!! LOL) A potlock!!!! This came up with Dale and Julie last night. Soooo as you can see we are quickly getting in a dinner routine. I think God is going to do some really cool things in this community. He's already been ruffling some feathers! This is an assumption, but well to do people aren't ones to break down the privacy walls and be part of a community that is so open and accountable to one another. I think He wants to do some work here. so as we used to say in Oregon....YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW Let the fun and food and laughter and tears and heartaches and all that happens in community come!!!!!!!

I had a great time with the youth this weekend. We went to a camp up north called Center Lake. It was nestled among tall trees and a large lake. The leaves are red, orange, yellow, and green. It's quite beautiful. One of the high school students said, "God is so cool. He gave us these beautiful trees and put leaves on them...but he didn't leave them green. He must of thought to himself, 'when fall comes I will have the leaves change colors and really bless others with their beauty." And then she paused, "I would have just left them green."
Some highlights of the retreat were: playing games with the kids, climbing the wall, and beginning to get into some deep conversations.
Three of my regular girls at Bible Study came up to me at the end of camp and said, "You have to be with all four years! You can't ever leave." I felt warm and fuzzy inside!!!

God has been teaching me a lot lately. One of the things He is walking me through is quite difficult. As many of you saw in a recent email, H is not doing well. I was able to get an update and it was quite overwhelming. So I called Sue and in between tears fought the words, "I don't know what to do anymore." And she said, "Do you think it's time to let go?" The quesiton that I feared most.
God is asking me to let go, but it's the details that are the hardest. Ok, she's yours Lord. I won't pursue her and if you want her with us you will work your plan.
And then I find her picture in my journal, do you want that too? Yes.
You want her painting of our family? Yes.
You want me not to worry about her at all? Yes.
Letting go of something is extremely difficult. I have a whole new understanding for those who experience loss. Here I am 5 months after her departure and I still am holding on.
I have been sharing this experience with many for a few reasons. The biggest is so that I can be kept accountable.

Typical

moments you hope will never end

After going to the apple orchard with some of our friends we went over to our friend's John's parent's house. There were John and Ellie (married 1 year), Steven and Lindsay (married 5 months), and Hannah and Micah (dating). First, the girls and I sat around the table and asked questions about our relationships, and other topics...

then we all sat in the living room and started talking and laughing so hard our stomachs hurt.

I looked around the room and thought to myself, I wish this moment would never end.

How to lead?

Bible study was amazing last night. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!! The girls really opened up and we began talking about the endless struggle with beauty.

I think a major theme I found was this: God made us to long for beauty. We love looking at beautiful things...and so in that longing Satan decided to twist our thinking. And so now our longing for beauty is quite damaging. I challenged the girls in this. Obviously it's a mentality change...how do we change the way we think about beauty? The girls came up with a challenge this week and we decided to memorize 1Peter 3:3-4. What a great group of girls!!!!


There are 4 leaders, 3 of which where there last night. I am struggling with the technique of leading. I think it's important to present questions and allow the girls to answer...and then continue leading them on their journey through more questions. I like to challenge their responses with more questions to keep them thinking.
Others like to share their struggles in order to relate and show the girls that we all struggle.

I have a couple questions about the latter. How should we present ourselves to those we are leading? Should we attempt to show our best side and share a few struggles here and there? Should we "bare all" and be transparent? Should we only share that which encourages?

How do leaders deal with different types of leading?

I know I have readers out there who are leaders!!! And readers who have ideas.... so SHARE PLEASE!!!

And the reason for my questioning is quite serious as I have some concerns...so pray for us as leaders to connect and learn to work together.

I appreciate your thoughts, answers, and prayers.

biking is not for the weak

This morning I decided to go on a bike ride. No problem.. I walk all the time. So I wrestled the bike up the stairs from the basement and began my expedition. I rode from Green to Nixon over to Warren and on Warren for a few miles. I love Warren because it's almost a dirt road surrounded by trees and if you're lucky you'll see deer crossing. Then I turned right on Vorhies (Luke's st.) and then I turned right on Plymouth and took it home. The ride was about 10 miles. The last mile was a gradual hill. KILLER. At the top of the hill I thought I must have two controls for the resistance...and I looked down and my left handle had it's resistance set all the way! And I never put air in my tires.

Note to self: remember to change resistance and put air in tires.

a good worship song

I love this song! It really puts me in my place. We used to sing it at The Village. You can listen to it on the link provided. It's rough and uncut.
http://www.villagersonline.com/users/eric/music/The%20Deep%202007/
The Deep

Trust the Lord with all your heart
lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge him
and he will make your path straight
He’ll make your path straight

I acknowledge you are my savior Jesus
I acknowledge you are my lord
I trust you with my shovel
Knee deep in manure

Do not resent his rebuke
But what He knows he divides the deep
Divide the deep
He put the stars in their place
Laid the ground on which we stand
On which we stand

I acknowledge that you’re holy
I acknowledge you as king
I trust you eating gravel
And I will remain faithful

a prayer request/share your thoughts

As you all know, David and I love to travel and experience new countries. Recently we have been thinking about an amazing opportunity in the summer. We would like to experience Africa, and if given the option, Rwanda. We have been wanting to experience Rwanda for a few years. David would like to volunteer in a hospital and I would like to volunteer in an orphanage.
We could possibly go with World Vision or the Free Methodist Church...both present different obstacles. Next summer is the only summer David gets a break, so we would like to go for a month. We want to experience Africa on this short trip to perhaps prepare for life there.

If you could begin praying for us we would really appreciate it.