5.29.2008
Camping at the Pinery on the shores of Lake Huron
So we had an amazing time camping last weekend. The weather was incredible. Sunny, blue skies, warm...everything you could want! I had no idea what to expect...but Lake Huron is soooo cool! It looks like an ocean! We went with 10 other people. So here are some of the pictures from our trip!
5.21.2008
So we went to see KT Tunstall perform last weekend in Ann Arbor with friends. It was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. She is an incredible singer and guitar player!!! So if any of you ever get a chance to see her.... you must go! Here's an acoustic mix of one of her songs...although when she's with her whole band it is quite incredible too.
5.17.2008
a thought about material possessions
So it's garage sale season in Michigan, and I have been wondering around looking for baby things. I don't usually buy much (for a variety of reasons), but I enjoy looking and talking to the sellers.
It's also a season of giving. Many are cleaning out their homes and giving things away to the various charities or to whoever wants it.
So a friend was cleaning out his place and has some extra tv's, clothes, and other stuff. And he told us he is giving it away to the poor. A nice thing to do of course...don't get me wrong.
So as I was getting ready I started thinking.... why do we have this mentality that the poor want our trash? We think we are doing them a favor. And in some ways we are. I love getting used stuff. But it's not about me getting a rich person's trash. It's really about the way we think about it. Sometimes we give things away because we know someone needs it, and sometimes we give it away because we don't want it. And the poor people must be able to use it, right?
So then I started thinking. What if everything I bought, I bought two of. I buy a nice shirt...and another one. I buy a car...and another one. And the second I give away to someone in need.
I guess the idea is that I am not more deserving of something because I can afford it. And also it would eliminate impulse and ridiculous purchases. I wouldn't think about how I have worked so hard and deserve a BMW.... because I would have to buy two...and unfortunately I might think, "Well, I shouldn't buy two because that person doesn't need a BMW, they just need a car." Well, I really only need a car too.
It's like I think that people who have little money should not only buy what they can afford (obviously), but they don't even deserve the luxurious stuff because they can't afford it....they chose that job, or lack there of...they just need the basics because they are well..fill in the blank. Or what are they going to do with a Gucci purse.
Well, the same applies for me. I am just wondering....if they don't need it or "deserve" it, why do I?
Jesus didn't say, buy what you want and help people in need and live how you want.
He was more of a help people kind of guy. Put others above yourself. Humble yourself. Sell everything you own and follow me.
So yeah.... I am not saying this is what I will be doing.
I am just putting it out there for discussion. And it might be something God continues to pound on my heart... in which case, I will have some surrendering to do.
May all our hearts be convicted by the massive amount of stuff we own and the great need of people around us...both of material things and of emotional things.
It's also a season of giving. Many are cleaning out their homes and giving things away to the various charities or to whoever wants it.
So a friend was cleaning out his place and has some extra tv's, clothes, and other stuff. And he told us he is giving it away to the poor. A nice thing to do of course...don't get me wrong.
So as I was getting ready I started thinking.... why do we have this mentality that the poor want our trash? We think we are doing them a favor. And in some ways we are. I love getting used stuff. But it's not about me getting a rich person's trash. It's really about the way we think about it. Sometimes we give things away because we know someone needs it, and sometimes we give it away because we don't want it. And the poor people must be able to use it, right?
So then I started thinking. What if everything I bought, I bought two of. I buy a nice shirt...and another one. I buy a car...and another one. And the second I give away to someone in need.
I guess the idea is that I am not more deserving of something because I can afford it. And also it would eliminate impulse and ridiculous purchases. I wouldn't think about how I have worked so hard and deserve a BMW.... because I would have to buy two...and unfortunately I might think, "Well, I shouldn't buy two because that person doesn't need a BMW, they just need a car." Well, I really only need a car too.
It's like I think that people who have little money should not only buy what they can afford (obviously), but they don't even deserve the luxurious stuff because they can't afford it....they chose that job, or lack there of...they just need the basics because they are well..fill in the blank. Or what are they going to do with a Gucci purse.
Well, the same applies for me. I am just wondering....if they don't need it or "deserve" it, why do I?
Jesus didn't say, buy what you want and help people in need and live how you want.
He was more of a help people kind of guy. Put others above yourself. Humble yourself. Sell everything you own and follow me.
So yeah.... I am not saying this is what I will be doing.
I am just putting it out there for discussion. And it might be something God continues to pound on my heart... in which case, I will have some surrendering to do.
May all our hearts be convicted by the massive amount of stuff we own and the great need of people around us...both of material things and of emotional things.
5.12.2008
So where do you put that stuff anyway?
So I had a pretty intense weekend. It didn't look like it would be intense before it started, but I sometimes you get hit hard when you least expect it. We had one of those missionary dinners again. The family was amazing. They live in Uzbekistan and they have been there for 10 years. One of their latest side ministries (you have to have a reason to be in country...beyond, "yeah, we're missionaries". The Islamic government doesn't usually go for that....) is working at an orphanage for kids with disabilities... children with cleft lip, cerebral palsy, down syndrome, physical deformities and many other disabilities. The orphanage homes about 100 kids up to the age of 7. Then they go to a less than satisfactory place until they are 18. At 18 they either are let on the street or sent to a place of worse condition. The life expectancy at that point is less than 2 years. Mostly they die from starvation. Children are brought in for so many reasons....cleft lip children because they can't nurse and parents can't afford formula. DIsabilities that require surgery because they can't afford the surgeries, and of course some because of the negative stigma associated with disabilities in the community. The ideology is that the state will take care of the kids, so you don't have to. Hmmm. And the adoption system is really corrupt. You have to get all these papers signed, but to get the signature can be impossible...you might have to pay massive amounts of money, or wait until the guy stops being mad at the guy who previously signed the papers....etc... So these kids are just there. Currently they are trying to get some OT, PT and ST to come and live there to help the development of the children, but there aren't many willing to do that....obviously since they still don't have anyone. The biggest project for the upcoming year is a plan to get the kids more protein to help their development too. It sounds like they currently eat formula and a few supplements until their 7. So what the missionaries want to do is get the kids eggs, bananas, bread, and milk a few days a week. This would help boost their development soooo much. The cost of such a project is estimated at $30,000 for a year for 100 children. They would have to monitor it closely to make sure that workers don't walk out with eggs and milk after their shift as their pockets are pretty empty too.
So of course I asked a million questions and I want to hear about orphanages, but it really messes me up later. I guess pain this intense needs a place to go. My longing to help these programs is so much deeper than my pockets and my ability to help. So I have to leave it to God in prayer.... but until He lifts the burden I just kind of go numb for a day or two.
And not only did I have this experience with the missionaries, but I rented the Kite Runner to watch while David studied last night. That is one of the most intense movies I have seen in a long time. It's not like Hotel Rwanda in the brutality of losing a million people to machetes in 100 days, but it's got so many layers of pain. From the incapability of a child to stand up for his friend on so many levels and the guilt that follows that, the reaction of rejection his very best friend because of his guilt, the loss of life when the Soviet invades Afghanistan, the loss of loved ones, unreconciled pain, and the list goes on and on and on. I read the book, but I think when I read an intense book the pain comes in doses because I don't read books cover to cover in a sitting. But a movie just hits you again and again without any breaks for processing. So yeah, by the time I got into bed I was pretty torn up. I couldn't really fall asleep. And I look around and I think of the selfish things I lust after and then across the globe are these people who are really starving and live in awful communities where Islamic law rules and there's no room for anything else.
Louise always told me I have a tender heart... and I like that I feel for people, but the intensity of what I actually feel and process can be so overwhelming. I think it's definitely a way God uses something he has given me to connect with him. Because honestly if I couldn't depend on him to take away what I feel and connect with Him about the brokenness He feels, I would be well, I know what I would do because I was there 4 years ago...stuffing pain without Christ and it makes for a pretty miserable person.
So yeah, this might be the longest post ever, but sometimes I have to process before I start my day.
Hopefully I didn't depress the rest of you. :)
So today, pray for this orphanage in Uzbekistan and the desire to bring food to the kids would be met.
So of course I asked a million questions and I want to hear about orphanages, but it really messes me up later. I guess pain this intense needs a place to go. My longing to help these programs is so much deeper than my pockets and my ability to help. So I have to leave it to God in prayer.... but until He lifts the burden I just kind of go numb for a day or two.
And not only did I have this experience with the missionaries, but I rented the Kite Runner to watch while David studied last night. That is one of the most intense movies I have seen in a long time. It's not like Hotel Rwanda in the brutality of losing a million people to machetes in 100 days, but it's got so many layers of pain. From the incapability of a child to stand up for his friend on so many levels and the guilt that follows that, the reaction of rejection his very best friend because of his guilt, the loss of life when the Soviet invades Afghanistan, the loss of loved ones, unreconciled pain, and the list goes on and on and on. I read the book, but I think when I read an intense book the pain comes in doses because I don't read books cover to cover in a sitting. But a movie just hits you again and again without any breaks for processing. So yeah, by the time I got into bed I was pretty torn up. I couldn't really fall asleep. And I look around and I think of the selfish things I lust after and then across the globe are these people who are really starving and live in awful communities where Islamic law rules and there's no room for anything else.
Louise always told me I have a tender heart... and I like that I feel for people, but the intensity of what I actually feel and process can be so overwhelming. I think it's definitely a way God uses something he has given me to connect with him. Because honestly if I couldn't depend on him to take away what I feel and connect with Him about the brokenness He feels, I would be well, I know what I would do because I was there 4 years ago...stuffing pain without Christ and it makes for a pretty miserable person.
So yeah, this might be the longest post ever, but sometimes I have to process before I start my day.
Hopefully I didn't depress the rest of you. :)
So today, pray for this orphanage in Uzbekistan and the desire to bring food to the kids would be met.
5.06.2008
wedding and weekend pics
So on Saturday Luke and Katherine were married. It was great! David's family came into town and we hosted his 4 siblings...in our tiny condo with one bathroom! It was soo much fun! I am exhausted from all the events and anxiety of BIG weekends. Anyway...so I don't have much to say, but here are some pics:
Jennifer, Adrienne, and Julie
The three cousin preggos part two: December, September, August
Elijah- Jenny and Todd's 9 month old son (Jenny is pictured in the second pic...due with baby 2 in December with the dark hair!!!)
Our dear friends Frank and Jennifer who just moved to Canada.
Luke and Katherine in driving off to the reception in their Porsche!!! (well it's not always theirs!)
David and Elijah dancing!
The happily married couple and us!
The Crawford family (Adrienne, David, Steven, Mark, Jane, Dad, Mom, Caroline....oh and yes the squiggly bean in my belly!) We're almost a family of 9!!!!
Jennifer, Adrienne, and Julie
The three cousin preggos part two: December, September, August
Elijah- Jenny and Todd's 9 month old son (Jenny is pictured in the second pic...due with baby 2 in December with the dark hair!!!)
Our dear friends Frank and Jennifer who just moved to Canada.
Luke and Katherine in driving off to the reception in their Porsche!!! (well it's not always theirs!)
David and Elijah dancing!
The happily married couple and us!
The Crawford family (Adrienne, David, Steven, Mark, Jane, Dad, Mom, Caroline....oh and yes the squiggly bean in my belly!) We're almost a family of 9!!!!
4.22.2008
spring cleaning and elephants
So I started spring cleaning and it's so cool to open up a cabinet and see it organized! Those of you who know me well, know it takes an extreme amount of effort to keep things orderly. I am just a mess! A friend in college, Nicole, would always laugh at my purses because I would go looking for a piece of gum and pull out 50 other things...trash, lip glosses, pens, and a variety of other things...and she would just laugh. :) I guess that's just me! The thing is that I really do love organization and cleanliness. So I am trying to take extra time in my day to put things away and organize rather than think, "Oh I will just deal with it later!" So yeah, hopefully this works!
And the other thing I wanted to tell you all is about these African elephants. They were from Angola and during the Civil wars fled to Botswana and Namibia. Well, the civil war ended a few years I guess...and they have slowly been migrating home...this is the cool part. Apparently the land is polluted with land mines everywhere...and the elephants are avoiding the land mines...they walk in a field of them and manage to not explode. Scientist at Univ. of Mass. tagged the matriarchs which are usually head of 30 or so elephants and having been watching their migration via satellite and know where the land mines are because of some maps or coordinates or something and they are just walking right through the fields. Isn't that amazing? Animals are soooo cool! They just get their environments and notice changes. It's kind of like the elderly in nursing homes. They notice every new tree or plant or picture in their buildings...especially those who have lived there for awhile. And they'll say to me, "Wow, look at that beautiful blah blah blah plant in the corner!" And I think of how I never notice these things. I guess it's good to be aware of your surroundings...be it a new plant or a land mine. So yeah, that was a massive side note...Oh and for all you who like a works cited page (JANE!) I read the article about the elephants in the Ann Arbor newspaper when I was at Marcheta's this morning. It was from yesterday...so you can read more of the details that I miss. (You know I am teasing you, girl!)
Oh and I love elephants. I want to see one someday.
And the other thing I wanted to tell you all is about these African elephants. They were from Angola and during the Civil wars fled to Botswana and Namibia. Well, the civil war ended a few years I guess...and they have slowly been migrating home...this is the cool part. Apparently the land is polluted with land mines everywhere...and the elephants are avoiding the land mines...they walk in a field of them and manage to not explode. Scientist at Univ. of Mass. tagged the matriarchs which are usually head of 30 or so elephants and having been watching their migration via satellite and know where the land mines are because of some maps or coordinates or something and they are just walking right through the fields. Isn't that amazing? Animals are soooo cool! They just get their environments and notice changes. It's kind of like the elderly in nursing homes. They notice every new tree or plant or picture in their buildings...especially those who have lived there for awhile. And they'll say to me, "Wow, look at that beautiful blah blah blah plant in the corner!" And I think of how I never notice these things. I guess it's good to be aware of your surroundings...be it a new plant or a land mine. So yeah, that was a massive side note...Oh and for all you who like a works cited page (JANE!) I read the article about the elephants in the Ann Arbor newspaper when I was at Marcheta's this morning. It was from yesterday...so you can read more of the details that I miss. (You know I am teasing you, girl!)
Oh and I love elephants. I want to see one someday.
4.16.2008
two cool stories
So we had our first birthing class last night. I have been praying for awhile that God would provide me with a friend...a young mother who I could connect with...or a couple that we could be friends with. So usually there's like 7 couples in these classes, but we are in it with one other married couple. So we are sharing about ourselves, why we chose this class, etc... I said I heard about it from a friend from Tucson...that we had just moved here in July. And Heather (the other mama to be) said, "Oh my gosh, we just moved here from Prescott in July!" Turns out she had wanted to go the UofA too...didn't get in for some odd reason....was accepted to UofM at the last minute and they moved here. And the day they left ARizona?? The SAME day we left! Weird. They are friendly and we'll see what God does with that friendship. So anyway, that's my first God story.
So I am sitting and reading my Bible when the phone rings, it's Dale. So I answer. (He doesn't usually call). "Hey, so I found this Graco travel system (car seat, base, and stroller) for free on freecycle and I emailed the lady. Apparently she received 75 emails and she chose me. Do you want it?" I was in shock. Apparently she received all these emails about people who wanted it and Dale was the only one looking for someone else, so she chose him. She bought it 2 years ago and it's like a $300 thing....something we never expected to own. So yeah, that's amazing.
So I am sitting and reading my Bible when the phone rings, it's Dale. So I answer. (He doesn't usually call). "Hey, so I found this Graco travel system (car seat, base, and stroller) for free on freecycle and I emailed the lady. Apparently she received 75 emails and she chose me. Do you want it?" I was in shock. Apparently she received all these emails about people who wanted it and Dale was the only one looking for someone else, so she chose him. She bought it 2 years ago and it's like a $300 thing....something we never expected to own. So yeah, that's amazing.
4.10.2008
a bend in the road
So I got bad news today. I have been a companion for 2 women at the local (mile away) retirement center in Ann Arbor. One of them has been not doing well for awhile. She's 93 years old and her health is deteriorating....not just physically, but mentally. So her family is going to use an agency to provide round the clock health care. They were so sad to say the end is nearing (within the next week or 2), but we both know it is in her best interest to have this kind of care. Plus with Baby coming I can't promise anything after birth. I mean I can promise I will work again, but I don't know if complications will arrive, or if healing after a c-section will occur....I just don't know. So yeah...we are losing 1/2 our income, which isn't half of what we had last year.
I have never felt poor and this isn't going to bring us to that "poor" state. It just sucks because I like taking the girls from the youth small group out to talk, and I like having people over and making up whatever menu I want. And I want to buy my baby whatever I feel like buying....which at this point has been only used stuff anyway!
So anyway, that's not really the significant part of my post. I guess the part that amazes me is the reaction of my husband.
He doesn't want me to stress, he doesn't want me to job search, or have a pity party. He wants me to continue to focus on the things I am working on. My ministries and my 3 other jobs....well I am losing one of those in 2 weeks too! Ironic. He's bound by the dollars that I bring home. It's a sacrifice for him too and yet he isn't angry or irrational or worried, he just believes we are going to make it.
It would be so easy for me to feel insignificant, worthless, and not a contributer at this point. And yet he reacts out of love and reminds me we will make it.
And it's so freeing because I will be able to have more time to be with my baby. And it's freeing to see how he reacts with change....tough change. And to know that when the bends come I can confide in him and know he reacts with wisdom.
So anyway. Just pray for us right now.
And really pray for Louise. Because she needs more support than I do right now. She's really suffering.
I have never felt poor and this isn't going to bring us to that "poor" state. It just sucks because I like taking the girls from the youth small group out to talk, and I like having people over and making up whatever menu I want. And I want to buy my baby whatever I feel like buying....which at this point has been only used stuff anyway!
So anyway, that's not really the significant part of my post. I guess the part that amazes me is the reaction of my husband.
He doesn't want me to stress, he doesn't want me to job search, or have a pity party. He wants me to continue to focus on the things I am working on. My ministries and my 3 other jobs....well I am losing one of those in 2 weeks too! Ironic. He's bound by the dollars that I bring home. It's a sacrifice for him too and yet he isn't angry or irrational or worried, he just believes we are going to make it.
It would be so easy for me to feel insignificant, worthless, and not a contributer at this point. And yet he reacts out of love and reminds me we will make it.
And it's so freeing because I will be able to have more time to be with my baby. And it's freeing to see how he reacts with change....tough change. And to know that when the bends come I can confide in him and know he reacts with wisdom.
So anyway. Just pray for us right now.
And really pray for Louise. Because she needs more support than I do right now. She's really suffering.
ultra sound picture
So I had my ultra sound on Monday. Things look 98% good! There was one little thing they found, but I have been told by numerous people, not to worry! So I won't. :)
From the top left you see the baby's spinal column and the head is looking down, then next to that you can see baby's profile, followed by a frontal shot of baby's face, and then a cute little foot! I am sorry the pictures didn't take well. I took a picture of the u/s picture! They also gave me a tape with the heartbeat....I wish I knew how I could upload that! Oh well.
As most of you know, we decided not to find out baby's gender. I am excited to know when he/she makes the debut into the world!
I am starting to feel kicks and I usually can tell you where baby is resting. I feel flutters throughout the day. I think the big kicks and punches are just around the corner!
Thanks for keeping us all in your prayers. :)
From the top left you see the baby's spinal column and the head is looking down, then next to that you can see baby's profile, followed by a frontal shot of baby's face, and then a cute little foot! I am sorry the pictures didn't take well. I took a picture of the u/s picture! They also gave me a tape with the heartbeat....I wish I knew how I could upload that! Oh well.
As most of you know, we decided not to find out baby's gender. I am excited to know when he/she makes the debut into the world!
I am starting to feel kicks and I usually can tell you where baby is resting. I feel flutters throughout the day. I think the big kicks and punches are just around the corner!
Thanks for keeping us all in your prayers. :)
4.03.2008
Ask and you shall receive deux
I don't really like these pictures that well. Receive that statement as a sentiment of my love for you and I would want the same of a far off pregnant loved one...so here they are. :) Watch out...Junior Lima Bean Bambino is taking over my body!
PS I am about 20 weeks.
PS I am about 20 weeks.
Spring is here!!!
As you can see from the first two pictures, it's not Spring as one would think. However, I did find this tiny little purple flower when I was on the phone with Sue today, and I screamed for joy!!!!
4.02.2008
pictures from the bbq
Who is that again?
Me and David's cousin, Luke
Lindsay, Adrienne, and Hannah
The cutest couple ever
David the crazy
Luke
David, the best barbequer ever!
Micah and Uncle Dave in their cool Hawaiian shirts
Our good friend, Dale and his 2 year old daughter, Ella
David's friend from school, Chris, and his wife, Lee
Hannah and Micah
Our "Pagan Party" was so much fun! I can't believe we fit 26 people into our TINY condo. Too bad we didn't take more pictures!!! We had chicken, brats, and burgers, with all kinds of sides brought by friends. It was an incredibly sunny day...which is a rarity in these parts!
4.01.2008
Me, resistant to change
I have always considered myself quite a chameleon... adapting to what's around me to fit in and do well. I think a lot of things about myself that are true and untrue, positive and negative. I always considered myself easy change. Until I realized that I am quite resistant....last night.
So we are at our friends' home for Bible Study and we stuck around longer than the others (as usual!) talking. Dale was describing his frustration and grief with all their friends moving away. Many many of their friends have left Ann Arbor. As you know, it's a university town...and not just young students...but through their Phd's...so they start families and create friendships....and then leave. So he was asking us again about our future....which we know nothing about, but I am quick to yell, "Tucson!"
So then David was saying how you never know what will happen. He said, "Adrienne hated Tucson when we got there. She hated the set up of the streets the lack of AC, and all she wanted to do was go back to Phoenix! She complained of not having any friends, at first a horrible job, etc.... And then she hated marriage. She didn't want to be married and would get upset all the time."
And I looked at him and asked, "Am I resistant to change?"
And he said, "You are more resistant to change than anyone I have ever met!'
I didn't realize I am so resistant. Here I thought I was so easy going! But once he started naming examples I was caught!
Obviously, I have been processing and considering my last post for a looonnnggg time, and so this conversation last night really helped me.
I guess it is helping me see that it takes me awhile to adjust. And as I previously posted, I am not there. But the good news is I fell in love with Tucson and made amazing friends, and more importantly, I fell in love with marriage!
Anyway, I just enjoyed David revealing a part of me I didn't recognize and wanted to share that with you. :)
He's amazing, by the way, just in case you forgot.
So we are at our friends' home for Bible Study and we stuck around longer than the others (as usual!) talking. Dale was describing his frustration and grief with all their friends moving away. Many many of their friends have left Ann Arbor. As you know, it's a university town...and not just young students...but through their Phd's...so they start families and create friendships....and then leave. So he was asking us again about our future....which we know nothing about, but I am quick to yell, "Tucson!"
So then David was saying how you never know what will happen. He said, "Adrienne hated Tucson when we got there. She hated the set up of the streets the lack of AC, and all she wanted to do was go back to Phoenix! She complained of not having any friends, at first a horrible job, etc.... And then she hated marriage. She didn't want to be married and would get upset all the time."
And I looked at him and asked, "Am I resistant to change?"
And he said, "You are more resistant to change than anyone I have ever met!'
I didn't realize I am so resistant. Here I thought I was so easy going! But once he started naming examples I was caught!
Obviously, I have been processing and considering my last post for a looonnnggg time, and so this conversation last night really helped me.
I guess it is helping me see that it takes me awhile to adjust. And as I previously posted, I am not there. But the good news is I fell in love with Tucson and made amazing friends, and more importantly, I fell in love with marriage!
Anyway, I just enjoyed David revealing a part of me I didn't recognize and wanted to share that with you. :)
He's amazing, by the way, just in case you forgot.
3.26.2008
an honest post
Have you ever missed anything? Someone? A place? An object?
I think I have been missing something, someone, and an object for a long time. I miss Tucson. I miss Nogales. I miss Sedona. I miss the Village. I miss family. And on certain days I miss teaching. And I miss our house.
I recently found out 4 close friends of ours left the Village. One would think this doesn't really effect us because we are so far away and don't see them. Yet, I think it hit hard for a few reasons. First, when you are far from something you love so much you look forward to a day of reunion with great hope and joy. And to imagine our return with the baby won't be greeted with these 4 people hurts. You pray for people and learn so many things about them and then they're gone...and you aren't even there to process it, or be part of it. So it really reminds me of our absence. An absence I still protest on a daily basis. The other thing is more selfish I guess. When someone leaves a community that you love you feel rejected. I don't actually feel rejected, but I feel angry. I feel angry that they are still in Tucson and are going to different churches and we are up here missing the Village more and more... and continually trying to be connected to the community from a distance and they are choosing not to go. What I would give to be there.
I am still in this place where I don't understand the move. And I don't feel like sugarcoating it and saying that we have all these wonderful things here... because that really doesn't erase the pain of missing home. I still miss sitting on our roof drinking beer and having incredible conversations about life. And missing Halie. And flipflops with dirty feet. And I miss friends....oh how I miss friends. Following God's will through obedience can be really painful. From confessing sin, to calling out sin, to following Him all over hurts. So often God's chosen struggled with this issue as they hid from enemies, followed the Lord through the desert, or even when Jesus was preparing for the crucifixion. Even though we know He has prepared the way for us and that He wants to offer us good things, we still experience a pain or loss. It's part of living in the broken world.
And I guess I get a little annoyed with everyone expecting me to accept Ann Arbor as home because it's feels like a transition home. We are loving people and allowing people to love us. And we are learning a new community, but it is not home to me. And I get so jealous still when I talk to family and friends and here about their lives in Arizona. From the foods they're eating that I can't get, to the weather, to the conversations and everything that is said that makes my heart hurt.
So here's a toast to my grumbling and everyone's annoyances with me. You just have to love me anyway. I am the way I am. :)
And some pictures for fun. :)
I think I have been missing something, someone, and an object for a long time. I miss Tucson. I miss Nogales. I miss Sedona. I miss the Village. I miss family. And on certain days I miss teaching. And I miss our house.
I recently found out 4 close friends of ours left the Village. One would think this doesn't really effect us because we are so far away and don't see them. Yet, I think it hit hard for a few reasons. First, when you are far from something you love so much you look forward to a day of reunion with great hope and joy. And to imagine our return with the baby won't be greeted with these 4 people hurts. You pray for people and learn so many things about them and then they're gone...and you aren't even there to process it, or be part of it. So it really reminds me of our absence. An absence I still protest on a daily basis. The other thing is more selfish I guess. When someone leaves a community that you love you feel rejected. I don't actually feel rejected, but I feel angry. I feel angry that they are still in Tucson and are going to different churches and we are up here missing the Village more and more... and continually trying to be connected to the community from a distance and they are choosing not to go. What I would give to be there.
I am still in this place where I don't understand the move. And I don't feel like sugarcoating it and saying that we have all these wonderful things here... because that really doesn't erase the pain of missing home. I still miss sitting on our roof drinking beer and having incredible conversations about life. And missing Halie. And flipflops with dirty feet. And I miss friends....oh how I miss friends. Following God's will through obedience can be really painful. From confessing sin, to calling out sin, to following Him all over hurts. So often God's chosen struggled with this issue as they hid from enemies, followed the Lord through the desert, or even when Jesus was preparing for the crucifixion. Even though we know He has prepared the way for us and that He wants to offer us good things, we still experience a pain or loss. It's part of living in the broken world.
And I guess I get a little annoyed with everyone expecting me to accept Ann Arbor as home because it's feels like a transition home. We are loving people and allowing people to love us. And we are learning a new community, but it is not home to me. And I get so jealous still when I talk to family and friends and here about their lives in Arizona. From the foods they're eating that I can't get, to the weather, to the conversations and everything that is said that makes my heart hurt.
So here's a toast to my grumbling and everyone's annoyances with me. You just have to love me anyway. I am the way I am. :)
And some pictures for fun. :)
3.24.2008
the truth about churches
So churches have been the hot topic in our blogs lately. And it's definitely been on my mind frequently because of our move. So here's what's been comforting me....
A lesson I have been learning has been the changing my mindset of expectations. I so frequently expect things from others. I expect to be invited over, thanked, or noticed. I expect that family will remember important dates. I expect expect expect. So something I was learning was instead of expecting, to offer in those areas. So instead of expecting to be invited over, I invite. Instead of expecting for others to remember my birthday, I try to remember theirs. I think the same can be applied to a church. I shouldn't walk into a church and think...what can it offer me? What spiritual development classes, worship music, and preaching can I expect to receive? But rather, where can I help the church grow? How can I connect with people? Where can I offer me?
So here's another thought to go with that...I was also thinking about how to share Christ with others. Many invite them to their churches so their friends can experience the space. Yet, I was thinking...it's not really the music or the preaching that is going to change a life...it's the relationships formed. My growth in Christianity hasn't necessarily come from the church itself, but from others pouring into my life.
So it doesn't really matter that a church has flaws and imperfections (and we all know every church has these!) But it really is a place to build community and relationships and through that the church grows.
So the truth about churches is that the preaching isn't always that great, and the worship music isn't always that great, and the people are sinful, broken people trying to help one another. And so we are quick to criticize and get frustrated and think of finding a new church home because our expectations aren't being filled. And the only way to avoid criticizing and judgment is to offer where it's broken and weak where God has given us strength. And pour out what has been given us.
So may we encourage one another in our strengths that we might believe in our strengths and offer them to a broken world.
A lesson I have been learning has been the changing my mindset of expectations. I so frequently expect things from others. I expect to be invited over, thanked, or noticed. I expect that family will remember important dates. I expect expect expect. So something I was learning was instead of expecting, to offer in those areas. So instead of expecting to be invited over, I invite. Instead of expecting for others to remember my birthday, I try to remember theirs. I think the same can be applied to a church. I shouldn't walk into a church and think...what can it offer me? What spiritual development classes, worship music, and preaching can I expect to receive? But rather, where can I help the church grow? How can I connect with people? Where can I offer me?
So here's another thought to go with that...I was also thinking about how to share Christ with others. Many invite them to their churches so their friends can experience the space. Yet, I was thinking...it's not really the music or the preaching that is going to change a life...it's the relationships formed. My growth in Christianity hasn't necessarily come from the church itself, but from others pouring into my life.
So it doesn't really matter that a church has flaws and imperfections (and we all know every church has these!) But it really is a place to build community and relationships and through that the church grows.
So the truth about churches is that the preaching isn't always that great, and the worship music isn't always that great, and the people are sinful, broken people trying to help one another. And so we are quick to criticize and get frustrated and think of finding a new church home because our expectations aren't being filled. And the only way to avoid criticizing and judgment is to offer where it's broken and weak where God has given us strength. And pour out what has been given us.
So may we encourage one another in our strengths that we might believe in our strengths and offer them to a broken world.
3.22.2008
A Love Story
During Christmas break we stayed at the Seneca House, home to our dearest friends. I remember talking to Eric about reading the Bible and how I struggle to study it and stay focused. He suggested I read it like a book. Cover to cover. Or however I feel led. Because really it's a love story that God wants to share. I considered the thought and didn't do much. So a month or so ago I was at chapel service at the retirement center and the pastor talked about he and some of the members of his church are reading the Bible in 90 days. I was intrigued. Immediately I came home and researched for plans. I found it only...only it was $80! Who pays for that? So David said, "Just take the one year reading plan and combine 4 days readings into 1." So I wrote out in a notebook the readings for each day and a place to date it. (I love organizational plans...it gives me a sense of accomplishment...we'll work on that issue another day.)
So I am on like day 25. And will start 1 Kings tomorrow. I've never read through the Bible so fast. And it's so good for me because it doesn't allow me to forget who everyone is when there name is repeated. I am definitely seeing the love story that Eric talked about.
It's so great to have people who want you to know God and see how much he loves us. Having people who want to encourage me in my walk and help me to really experience the love of God.
So may this be a post to remind us all of the beautiful story that we have on our bed stands. And although it's good to study the various books of the Bible, chapters, and verses. Sometimes it's just good to read it cover to cover and experience His love story poured out.
So I am on like day 25. And will start 1 Kings tomorrow. I've never read through the Bible so fast. And it's so good for me because it doesn't allow me to forget who everyone is when there name is repeated. I am definitely seeing the love story that Eric talked about.
It's so great to have people who want you to know God and see how much he loves us. Having people who want to encourage me in my walk and help me to really experience the love of God.
So may this be a post to remind us all of the beautiful story that we have on our bed stands. And although it's good to study the various books of the Bible, chapters, and verses. Sometimes it's just good to read it cover to cover and experience His love story poured out.
3.14.2008
the story of our eggs
So far every egg in our egg carton from the grocery store has been twins!!! Isn't that amazing!?!?! We made tortilla española with twin yolks and now I cooked an egg over easy that had twin yolks! That's 5 sets of twins. As I use the rest of our eggs I will keep you posted on the twin status!
3.11.2008
did you know?
David built me a crib and changing tables using recycled wood...including the once existing floors at Nan and Jess' home?
Pictures to be posted.
There is nothing greater than walking into this room and seeing a small bed where our child will spend the first 2 years of life sleeping away...oh the beauty of having a baby never ends. I don't know that I have ever experienced greater joy. :)
Pictures to be posted.
There is nothing greater than walking into this room and seeing a small bed where our child will spend the first 2 years of life sleeping away...oh the beauty of having a baby never ends. I don't know that I have ever experienced greater joy. :)
3.08.2008
obey
So lately I have been thinking a lot about order. Not organizational order, but the way I am to order myself under Christ and my husband. Obeying Christ and placing myself under His direction is a very difficult thing because I am so easy to sin and fall away from under Him and go my own direction. So many times I think and act as if I am the one who knows what's best for my life. After all it is my life, isn't it? :)
Submission is a very humbling experience for me. I remember when I wanted to bring Halie home from the shelter sooo badly. And Sue asked, "What does David say? How does he feel about bringing her home?" And I would feel crushed thinking he's never going to want to bring her home. If I don't do this it will never happen! I have had this thought through other phases as well...just thinking if I don't take care of it the way I imagine either God or David will not follow through and I won't get what my heart desires. A little manipulative, I know. Remember the post, ME, the Manipulator...I wasn't kidding. So Sue would really transform my thinking and desires by questioning where David was in the process. She really encouraged me to let him lead our family. Ohhh I would get frustrated! However, I am learning that positioning myself under him knowing that he has positioned himself under the Lord has really benefited us in amazing ways. When I give my husband the space to make choices with the Lord, I am often amazed that if they weren't my desire at the time I always grow into the idea and see it's goodness.
One of the beautiful things about learning to submit to David is that he doesn't usually require it. He gives me the space to choose whether I am going to let him decide or whether I will turn the direction I want to go. This experience is quite similar to that I have the Lord. I know where the Lord is leading me and I can follow Him and be blessed by His plan or I can turn on my stubbornness and go my own direction.... and whether it be God or David I get down my path and realize it wasn't the right one and come crawling back hoping the other path is still available.
It's just really cool how God set up order in families wanting us all to be blessed. And it's really cool to have a husband who leads our family according to the Lord's will. And it would even be greater if I could trust both him and the Lord without question.
So to sum up this post I will list some of the ways when I willingly submitted and God has brought about good things:
-David choose his medical school possibilities and left it between 2 options...even though I REALLY didn't want to move here and was hoping he'd finish at least one other.
-David choose our condo location- he was considering 2 options- and it has turned out to be a wonderful place and will be a safe and beautiful place to begin raising our child.
-David has encouraged me to seek out specific friends and those relationships have really grown
-David told me we would stay in our BS even though I wasn't sure I liked it....some of our best friends have come from that group
-David has reminded me of my desire to have the baby's gender to be a surprise and that receiving gender appropriate gifts is a silly reason to find out the baby's gender. So...it will be "baby" "junior" or "lima bean" until the day the baby's born. And I am so excited!
-David has asked me to read my Bible when I have been unfaithful.
-David has asked me not to wear make up. (This has been a challenging request...but one where God has really taught me a lot- I will post about that at the end of my 40 days!)
Positioning myself under David has been such a blessing! And it's something God requires of me. And it's not easy. But it's obedience.
Submission is a very humbling experience for me. I remember when I wanted to bring Halie home from the shelter sooo badly. And Sue asked, "What does David say? How does he feel about bringing her home?" And I would feel crushed thinking he's never going to want to bring her home. If I don't do this it will never happen! I have had this thought through other phases as well...just thinking if I don't take care of it the way I imagine either God or David will not follow through and I won't get what my heart desires. A little manipulative, I know. Remember the post, ME, the Manipulator...I wasn't kidding. So Sue would really transform my thinking and desires by questioning where David was in the process. She really encouraged me to let him lead our family. Ohhh I would get frustrated! However, I am learning that positioning myself under him knowing that he has positioned himself under the Lord has really benefited us in amazing ways. When I give my husband the space to make choices with the Lord, I am often amazed that if they weren't my desire at the time I always grow into the idea and see it's goodness.
One of the beautiful things about learning to submit to David is that he doesn't usually require it. He gives me the space to choose whether I am going to let him decide or whether I will turn the direction I want to go. This experience is quite similar to that I have the Lord. I know where the Lord is leading me and I can follow Him and be blessed by His plan or I can turn on my stubbornness and go my own direction.... and whether it be God or David I get down my path and realize it wasn't the right one and come crawling back hoping the other path is still available.
It's just really cool how God set up order in families wanting us all to be blessed. And it's really cool to have a husband who leads our family according to the Lord's will. And it would even be greater if I could trust both him and the Lord without question.
So to sum up this post I will list some of the ways when I willingly submitted and God has brought about good things:
-David choose his medical school possibilities and left it between 2 options...even though I REALLY didn't want to move here and was hoping he'd finish at least one other.
-David choose our condo location- he was considering 2 options- and it has turned out to be a wonderful place and will be a safe and beautiful place to begin raising our child.
-David has encouraged me to seek out specific friends and those relationships have really grown
-David told me we would stay in our BS even though I wasn't sure I liked it....some of our best friends have come from that group
-David has reminded me of my desire to have the baby's gender to be a surprise and that receiving gender appropriate gifts is a silly reason to find out the baby's gender. So...it will be "baby" "junior" or "lima bean" until the day the baby's born. And I am so excited!
-David has asked me to read my Bible when I have been unfaithful.
-David has asked me not to wear make up. (This has been a challenging request...but one where God has really taught me a lot- I will post about that at the end of my 40 days!)
Positioning myself under David has been such a blessing! And it's something God requires of me. And it's not easy. But it's obedience.
2.23.2008
Send me on my way
Last night we went to a friend's house for dinner. It was excellent! There were 9 of us and we shared in the preparations and cooking. It was a bonding time. :) Music was playing in the background and the song, Send Me On My Way, by Rusted Roots came on. At first I recognized it as a song that I enjoy, nothing more. This morning I found the song online and was listening to it a bit closer and I realized the special meaning.... One day we were driving home with H and the song came on in the car. I turned up the volume and we were dancing around in our seats. When we arrived home the song was still playing so we opened the doors and turned up the volume a bit more and danced around the front yard together. It is one of my fondest memories of her....not just that day of dancing, but the numerous days we would turn up the music and dance around together! I was able to talk to her on the phone the other day and I know she is doing well. This whole experience is part of the letting go. I am experiencing the era of the pure joy of having been a mom to her. I don't feel the deep sadness that has plagued my life for so many months... but I think of our times and I get goosebumps and a sense of joy for the experiences we had together. I think the song title is particularly special....Send Me On My Way.... kind of like my sending her on her way with dancing beat, and not a sorrowful one.
I guess that's the point we have to reach to let people go and heal. After the other emotions of losing a loved one we come to a point where all we can do is be joyful for the special times and think about dancing around for having had the experience at all with that special someone....
So let this song be a tribute to the doodle bug and the joys she brought so many of us!
Also, when we saw our pastor from Tucson in Grand Rapids last Friday we remembered some of her funny stories....like on her last Sunday with us how she ran up to him in the middle of his sermon (she tricked her teacher in the Sunday school room saying she had to go potty) and said to him, "We have cake and ice cream!" as she danced around and giggled and then ran back into her classroom. :)
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